Gobber: (Clang) Aah, the pain! The horror!
Gobber: Don't soil your skivvies. I was just playing around. But these dragon traps are made to withstand even the toughest of, well, dragons. They're nothing to play around with.
Tuffnut: Uh, I beg to differ. That one with all the teeth's got Tuffnut written all over it.
Ruffnut: Exactly what I was thinking! (Laughs)
Gobber: You two can feel free to experiment on your own time. Now, who can tell me what this trap is called?
Tuffnut: Ruffnut-be-gone? (Laughs) Ow! Oh, my lobe.
Fishlegs: It's called a snapper.
Tuffnut: Potato, potahto.
Hiccup: You guys, this is really important. Okay? Eyes forward.
Ruffnut: No problemo.
Fishlegs: Other traps include ropers, grabbers, and netters.
Gobber: Ah, well done, Fishlegs. But remembering how to unset them... that's what separates the men from the maimed.
Fishlegs: Oh, it's all right, girl. Daddy'll be fine. (Smooches.) For the roper, press your foot against the activation line.
Astrid: Then, remove the latch key, which takes tension off the trigger. Then you can cut the rope.
Gobber: Someone's been paying attention. And what about the notorious netter trap?
Snotlout: Ah, ah, ah. I got this one.
Hiccup: Please, be my guest.
Astrid: Is it wrong to root for the trap?
Hiccup: Eh, let's just call it a teaching moment.
Snotlout: Okay. It's pretty simple, actually. (Chuckles.) You just detach the ropey chain-looking thing, pull the pointy part back. Then... Aah! Hookfang, you gonna get me out of here?
(Hookfang growls softly)
Gobber: Hiccup, you want to release the beast?
Astrid: That's not absolutely necessary, is it?
Hiccup: Okay, engage the safety pin. Dislodge the trigger strut.
Snotlout: Oof! Teacher's pet.
Hiccup: Toothless, plasma blast. Good job, bud.
Gobber: Ah. Right. Ruffnut, Tuffnut, show me how to unset this snapper trap.
Tuffnut: Can't. Staring contest.
Ruffnut: Fine. You don't have to get so testy.
(Snapper trap clangs)
Tuffnut: Ah! You almost cut off my head.
Ruffnut: Now that would have been stare-worthy. Ah, next time.
Gobber: Alright, listen here. You all have your assignments. There are dozens of dragon traps left over from, well... (Quietly) when we killed them. (Normal voice) But since we don't, well... (Quietly) kill them anymore, (normal voice) we thought it might be a good idea to clear them before some wild dragon wanders into one and gets caught. So get going.
Hiccup: You guys know what you're doing, right?
Tuffnut: What kind of question is that?
Hiccup: A necessary one.
Tuffnut: You have absolutely no idea, do you?
Tuffnut: No idea.
(Barf and Belch grumble)
Hiccup: Guys, we're clearing dragon traps. It's very dangerous for you and for your dragon. You know what? Forget it. You guys stay here, where you can't get into trouble.
Ruffnut: Actually, we can get into trouble pretty much anywhere.
Tuffnut: Remember that empty room? (Laughs)
Astrid: He's got a point.
Hiccup: Look, I-I just don't know If I can trust you guys out there right now. This is serious.
Tuffnut: Wow, that was harsh.
Ruffnut: Yeah. Ouch.
Hiccup: Yeah... no, I didn't mean it like that, it's just...
Tuffnut: No, we get it. You think we're useless.
(Barf and Belch growl)
Hiccup: I didn't say that.
Astrid: But you were thinking it.
Hiccup: That's not helping me at all.
Ruffnut: We'll be fine, Hiccup. It's not like we never pay attention.
Tuffnut: Just rarely.
Ruffnut: Right? (Both laugh)
Astrid: You know, I'm actually gonna miss them when they don't come back.
Ruffnut: I don't know about you, but I don't really appreciate Hiccup's negativity when it comes to our Thor-given dragon abilities.
Tuffnut: Right? I mean, he doesn't know us.
Tuffnut: Wait, what are we doing again?
Ruffnut: We're supposed to look for the hidden traps.
Tuffnut: Hidden traps. Check. Okay, where do you think they'd hide? Here, trappy. Here, little snapper trap. Ugh! Found it!' (Grunts) Little help, sis?
Ruffnut: Nah, you're doing fine.
Ruffnut: Okay, okay. Ugh, quit your whining.
Tuffnut: Where are you going?
Ruffnut: You said you wanted help. I'm going back to the village to get Hiccup. Duh.
Tuffnut: Fine. But don't tell him I got stuck in the trap. We'll never hear the end of it.
Ruffnut: Yeah, you're right. (Gasps) I'll tell him the trap got caught in you.
Tuffnut: I like where your head's at.
Ruffnut: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. We need two riders. How am I gonna fly Barf and Belch without you?
Tuffnut: Duh, hand signals.
Ruffnut: Oh, cool. Great idea.
Tuffnut: Okay, Belch, fly.
Tuffnut: Yes! Save your father from the snapping trap.
(Barf and Belch screech)
Tuffnut: Whoa, that was quick. Where's Hiccup?
Ruffnut: I'll walk back. Barf, Belch, keep an eye on Tuffnut.
Tuffnut: Okay, yeah. Great idea. I'll wait here. I'm not helpless, you know.
Ruffnut: Hmm. Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no. Yes.
Hiccup: All right, bud. Blast it! Good work.
Hiccup: Hmm. You feel that, bud? There's a dry hot wind coming in from the North. It hasn't rained for two months. This is definitely fire weather. Okay, bud, let's get back to the village and find my Dad.
Tuffnut: You know, Barf, I just realized something. We never talk, and well, that makes me sad. I mean, I get it. I ride the other head. But it doesn't mean that we can't have lunch or something, you know, get to know each other on a more personal level. Hey, do either of you remember how to undo this? Wait a minute. What am I doing? I'm a professional dragon trainer. Barf, Belch.
(Barf and Belch growl)
Tuffnut: Untrap me. (Groans) No! Stop! (Groans) Stop! Ow! Okay, one more time. Ow, ow, no, no, no, no, no! Stop it!
Hiccup: Uh, Dad, I-I need to talk to you.
Stoick: No time to talk, son. Fire weather.
Hiccup: How'd you know that?
Stoick: Gobber, show him.
Gobber: Feel that?
Hiccup: Uh, yes.
Gobber: It's usually supple, tender, like a newborn baby. When it's fire weather, dry as a 50-year-old yak.
Stoick: Which brings us to you.
Hiccup: It does?
Stoick: Yes. One errant dragon blast could burn Berk to the ground. So make sure the twins don't do anything stupid out there.
Ruffnut: Ugh, it'd be easier to get around these woods if there weren't so many trees. (Groans) Ugh.
Ruffnut: Knock it off already. (Grunts) Uh...
Tuffnut: So if I'm reading your silence correctly, you think my sister's so competitive because she's a woman in a man's world?
Tuffnut: I mean, that explains so much, especially her inner rage. And her outer rage. And, all that... all the rage in her fists and her feet and her navel. I totally get why she'd feel trapped. I mean, I feel trapped. Come on, think. How'd Gobber undo this thing? Come on. Come on! You are not useless. You are not useless! Okay, I'm totally useless.
(Tree trunks snapping)
Tuffnut: I was wrong. I'm even more useless than I imagined. Help! Help!
Tuffnut: (Groans) Hey! I am not your plaything! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey! I may barf! Uh, way more dizzy than usual. I like it! Wait, why are we getting rid of these traps again? They're awesome. Barf, Belch, it's two against one, come on! Get in there, and show him who's boss.
Tuffnut: First of all, there's something you should know. I never lose a staring contest. (Chuckles) (Laughs) I win! Okay, this is gonna sound weird, but have we met before?
Tuffnut: You... you look so familiar. Wait a minute! Uh, were you ever on Outcast island? No, no, no, no. That's not it. How about Breakneck bog? Dragon island? Dragon bog? Breakneck island? Ah, playing it close to the wing, are we?
Tuffnut: Whoa, whoa, whoa. They're cool. That's Barf and Belch, my completely awesome dragon. I share it with my completely un-awesome sister. You can meet her, if she hasn't been eaten by a pack of angry boars, torn limb from limb in a frenzy of wild animal rage... Sorry, I got lost in the rhapsody of it all.
Tuffnut: Uh, roar?
Tuffnut: That was totally fun. Hey, what do you want to do now?
Astrid: Where are you going?
Hiccup: The twins haven't come back yet, and no one's seen them. I knew I shouldn't have sent them out there.
Astrid: We're going with you.
Hiccup: No. They're my responsibility. I'll find them.
Tuffnut: Wing raise. Okay, okay. Watch me. Wing raise. Whoa! It worked. Wait till Hiccup sees this. All right, spin. No, no, you gotta watch me. Spin. Ah, yes! We're totally in sync. Are you sure we've never met before? Nah, you just probably have one of those faces.
(Terrible Terrors chittering)
Ruffnut: Fire? Not good. Gotta get back to Tuffnut. I know! I'll retrace my steps! One at a time.
Hiccup: Keep your eyes open, Toothless. Like I said, fire weather. Just great. You know what they say, where there's fire, there's the twins.
Ruffnut: (Whispers) Tuffnut, do not move. There is a massive... and I mean massive... Typhoomerang standing next to you.
Tuffnut: I know. Why are you whispering?
Ruffnut: Why aren't you whispering? This is serious.
Tuffnut: Here, watch this. Roooaaaar!
Tuffnut: Cool, huh?
Ruffnut: Yeah, awesome. Oh, hey, this'll bum you out. There's an out-of-control forest fire headed this way.
Tuffnut: Heh. Why would that bum me out? I mean, I love out of control.
Ruffnut: Okay, see ya!
Tuffnut: I'm kidding. Get me out of here, please?
Hiccup: Toothless, there. Come in low, bud, to avoid the fire and the massive... Typhoomerang? The clearing, Toothless! We can make the clearing.
Hiccup: Okay, everybody stand back. This is bad.
Hiccup: Wait a second. I know you.
Ruffnut: Oh, man, your new dragon just ate Hiccup.
Tuffnut: Bad Typhoomerang. Now you barf out Hiccup right now!
Hiccup: Th-this isn't just any Typhoomerang. Ruff, Tuff, don't you recognize this guy? Look at him. It's Torch!
Ruffnut: What? No way.
Tuffnut: Hiccup, Torch is, like, this big. (Scoffs) And he calls himself the dragon conqueror.
Hiccup: Uh, no, I don't call myself that, and this is Torch. He just grew. A lot. That's what happens when you, well, grow up.
Ruffnut: Uh, nope. I'm drawing a blank here.
Tuffnut: I don't know anything about that.
Ruffnut: Yeah, got nothing.
Hiccup: Oh, come on, guys. You're not gonna start this again. Right now we've got a fire bearing down on us. Ruffnut, get Tuffnut out of that trap.
Ruffnut: Yeah, about that... we've been trying.
Tuffnut: But someone, and I won't mention any names, didn't give very clear instructions.
Hiccup: Oh, never mind. Barf, Belch, help me up.
Tuffnut: Just... just leave me. (Coughs) Save yourselves.
Ruffnut: You heard him. Let's get out of here.
Tuffnut: Again, kidding.
Ruffnut: Yeah, me too. Ha.
Hiccup: It's stuck tight. We need to get out of here. That fire's headed straight to Berk. Torch, you give us a lift?
Tuffnut: Ooh! Ow! Ugh. Aah! This is awesome and scary! Aah!
Hiccup: The fire's headed for that logging path. If it jumps over, it'll burn through Berk before we can do anything. Okay, Torch. Set us down on that path.
Tuffnut: Hey, guys? As awesome as this fire is up close, I think my back hair just went up in flames. And, you know how much I love my back hair. And how much of it there is.
Ruffnut: It's true. He does. Almost as much as I like mine.
Hiccup: Just hang on. We're going in for a landing. Wait a minute!
Hiccup: Ah, it's too late.
Tuffnut: Hey, Torch can help. Torch!
Hiccup: Torch! No! Don't do that. Tuff, we don't need any more fire. Especially coming from a Typhoomerang. We need to get water.
Tuffnut: First of all, you don't fight fire with water.
Ruffnut: At least we don't.
Tuffnut: We fight it with fire.
Hiccup: If we clear these trees ahead of the fire, there won't be anything left that it can burn. Ruff, Tuff, that's brilliant.
Ruffnut: Duh, hello?
Tuffnut: We knew that. We knew we were brilliant.
Hiccup: Okay, guys, here's the plan. When I give the signal, tell Barf and Belch to start blasting. Toothless and me are gonna do the same.
Ruffnut: Fight fire with fire! We should make that our catchphrase.
Tuffnut: Yeah, that or... A yak's gotta do what a yak's gotta do. What? It's catchy. Oh, don't tell me you won't be using that.
Hiccup: Ready? Now! We gotta keep it moving that way. Toothless, wind!
Tuffnut: Barf, Belch! Wings!
Hiccup: Do your thing, Torch!
Tuffnut: Torch! Now!
Hiccup: Nice going, Torch. You too, bud.
Tuffnut: And still, no love for the trapped Viking. Finally!
Fishlegs: A Typhoomerang! Amazing.
Hiccup: Not just any Typhoomerang. Take a closer look.
Fishlegs: Is that Torch?
Astrid: No way!
Snotlout: Please tell me he didn't bring the family.
Tuffnut: I found him in the woods, and I trained him.
Hiccup: He actually did. It was pretty awesome.
Snotlout: No way. Tuffnut couldn't even get himself out of that trap.
Tuffnut: Oh, yeah? Watch this. Hey, Torch, wings!
Snotlout: Whoa! Tuffnut, help!
Tuffnut: (Laughs) Ow. Torch, quit it. What's he doing?
Hiccup: He's saying goodbye, Tuff.
Tuffnut: Oh. I'm gonna miss you, Torch. You're the only one who ever listened to me. Roooarrr!
Tuffnut: Okay, can you guys let me out of this trap now, or...
Hiccup: Well, I suppose.
Gobber: Ah, ah, ah, not so fast, Hiccup. You got yourself into that. You need to get yourself out.
Ruffnut: Wait. I think I got it. Ahh!
Tuffnut: Yeah, you got it, all right. Hey! Hey, where are you going? Barf? Belch? Anybody? I thought we made some good progress out there.
Ruffnut: Ugh. This is worse than the womb.
Tuffnut: Oh, yeah, you really got it, didn't you? Yeah, you got us right next to each other.
Ruffnut: Ugh. God. Your back hair stinks.
Tuffnut: Oh, my back hair smells? Oh, that's real original. Well, you're the weird one smelling people's back hair.
Ruffnut: Ugh, get your foot out of my face. That's your foot, right?
Appetite for Destruction (transcript)
A View to a Skrill, Part 1 (transcript)