Hiccup: Alright guys, let's drop the foundation right about....here. That should work. Perfect location.
Fishlegs: I, for one, couldn't be happier that we're finally-
Snotlout: Setting up the new watch tower. We know. We've been hearing about it for the past, oh, I don't know, week, month...What comes next?
Hiccup: Guys, look, this is important. We've been seeing ships of the northern coast that have absolutely no reason to be there. Now with this, [gestures to the foundation of the watch tower] we can send up an early warning signal if they come into our waters.
Snotlout: If you're talking about Dagur and Ryker, and that's who I assume we're talking about-
Hiccup: Actually I wasn't referring to-
Snotlout: How about this? Whoever's out there that shouldn't be out there, let's just get on these very effective fire-breathing war machines and go off and blast them into oblivion.
Hiccup: Because that's not who we are! Since when do we go blasting people into oblivion?
Snotlout: Don't worry, Hookster. He doesn't speak for us.
Snotlout: Or them. Definitely not for them.
Ruff: Here we gooo!
Tuff: Oh, I love to cut through the fresh powder. Don't you, sis?!
Ruff: Yeah! Just like a warm knife through yak butter! Woo-hoo!
Tuffnut: Blast! Blast! [explosion] Yeah! Yeah! Again. [another explosion] Zippleback, baby!
Astrid: Those two muttonheads better not bring all that snow up there down on us.
Hiccup: It's not the snow I'm worried about. [the explosions caused an avalanche] It's the ice!
[Hiccup, Astrid, Snotlout, and Fishlegs take off]
[The twins lose control of Barf and Belch and fall head first in the snow]
Ruff: That hurt.
[Stormfly gets Tuff and Meatlug gets Ruff]
Hiccup: Come on, bud.
[Barf and Belch fall off the cliff but Hiccup and Toothless catch them]
[Barf and belch lick Hiccup]
Hiccup: Okay, okay. I-I get it, yo-you're welcome.
Astrid: Uh, Hiccup! I wouldn't do that if I were-
Hiccup: Oh. Right.
[Barf and Belch pick Hiccup from the ground by his arms]
Hiccup: Oh. Uh. Can you put me down, guys? Oh-Ah, And it's for moment like these that I always carry a spare.
[Hiccup picks a spare leg and replace the broken leg with it]
Tuff: So! If that's all you need from us, then we'll just be going back to......
Hiccup: Toothless. [Toothless shoots a plasma blast at them]
Tuff: Hey! Your dragon just shot at us.
Hiccup: Yes, I know. I told him to.
Tuff: Not cool, T. Not cool at all.
Hiccup: Anyway! Since you two seem so eager to spend some time away from the group, you get to pull the first two shifts of patrol duty.
Ruffnut: He's really become a tyrant.
Tuffnut: Power will do that to you.
Hiccup: Ugh, this leg needs to be filed down. It's pinching me.
[Opens door to hut, and yelps as he gets buried in fish]
Hiccup: Oh, for the love of Thor! Who did this?! Wait a minute, why am I even asking? Ruff, Tuff! Oh, I got another shift with your names on it! [Toothless eats one of the fish] Really? You're eating the evidence?
Hiccup: All right, where are they? I guess you just look for a fire, or any other catastrophe, they'll be close by. . . [Hiccup notices something fly past behind them, and turns to look, not seeing anything. He looks forward to see Barf & Belch barreling towards them. They snatch him off of Toothless, leaving him to fall.]
Hiccup: No! Belch! No, no, no, no! You drop me! You drop me right now! [Belch drops him, letting him fall after Toothless]
Hiccup: (Toothless and Hiccup crash land) Toothless! Ah! You all there, bud? I think I am. Annnd I spoke too soon. Oh, don't worry, bud. I always carry a spare for my spare. (Barf and Belch show up, dropping fish at Hiccup's feet) Wait a minute, it was you guys? You left me all that fish? Oh, okay, if you guys are here, and the twins are Thor knows where, then who's patrolling the island?
[On the other side of the island]
Dragon Hunter 1: Dragon sentries!
Dragon Hunter 2: Oh, this'll put it to sleep for a bit.
[At the base]
Ruffnut: This is all your fault.
Tuffnut: My fault? My fault?!
Ruffnut: It's your attitude, bro. It's always been your attitude. And it finally drove our beloved dragon away!
Tuffnut: My attitude? My attitude is fun, carefree, adventurous, and loves to take long walks. And it doesn't matter if it's on a beach or not.
Ruffnut: You're ridiculous.
Tuffnut: Oh, yeah? Well, you smell like a barrel of 20-year-old cod livers. That's what drove them away.
Ruffnut: Hey! This smell is not achieved easily.
Tuffnut: Hiccup, you found 'em!
Ruffnut: Where did you two go? You had us worried sick.
Hiccup: Wait, where'd they go? Well, let's start with they filled my hut with fish, crashed me and Toothless out of the sky, and, for their finale, they broke my second spare leg.
Ruffnut: So, if my calculations are correct, and they usually are...
Tuffnut: ...that would mean that our dear Hiccup is on his...
Ruff and Tuff: Last leg!
Tuffnut: Get it? See what we did? It's because of your leg. You don't have any more.
Ruffnut: I think he gets it.
Hiccup: Yeah, yeah. Listen.
Ruffnut: Well, if you wanna flip the script, the new leg is slimming.
Tuffnut: Not that you need to be slimmed. I mean, I think, for your height, you've probably an ideal weight.
Hiccup: The four of you belong together. Now, please, can you get back on patrol and try to keep these two... well- Oh, just go. Last leg. Oh, don't laugh, Toothless. You're above that.
Tuffnut: Bad dragon!
Tuffnut: Cod livers!
Hiccup: Oh, for the love of -- okay, bud. Let's ditch the Zippleback. Oh, get away from me, you crazy dragon! Ugh. Are you serious? I think we lost 'em. And they're behind me, right?
[At night, in Hiccup's hut]
Hiccup: I think I'm starting to see Zipplebacks in my sleep. What, what? Ah! Oh, no, wait. Don't! Okay. Ugh!
[Near the base]
Dragon Hunter 1: Those hides will fetch a high price at the northern markets.
Dragon Hunter 2: Focus. That's not what we're here for.
Dragon Hunter 1: Well, how are we supposed to take him if he's guarded by two dragons?
Dragon Hunter 2: We wait until he's not guarded by two dragons.
[At Hiccup's hut]
Hiccup: Give me those.
Ruffnut: What is this?
Tuffnut: A neck hug? I never got a neck hug.
Gobber: So, you ruined all your legs, eh? Every single one?
Hiccup: Well, all but this piece of garbage. Which, let's be honest, can we really call it a leg?
[Looks up from the wooden leg he's complaining about to Gobber's identical wooden leg.]
Hiccup: I mean...
Hiccup: Oh, right. Of course we can. It's very slimming on you, Gobber.
Tuffnut: Really? Right in front of our faces?
Ruffnut: We're here, you know. Right here!
Fishlegs: That's weird. Zipplebacks are normally fiercely loyal. Why are they doting on Hiccup and ignoring you two?
Gobber: Well, didn't Hiccup pull them out of the way of a deadly avalanche?
Gobber: Well, there you go. Same thing as my cousin, Bard. He saved a Zippleback from a Changewing. The two-headed beast wouldn't leave him alone, for years.
Tuffnut: So, this could go on for...
Gobber: Ever. It's a life-debt. Barf and Belch will now serve Hiccup for the rest of their lives or until the debt is repaid. Whichever comes first.
Hiccup: D-Does this mean we could be stuck with Barf and Belch forever?
Tuffnut: Does this mean we could lose Barf and Belch forever?
Gobber: Yes, and yes.
Hiccup: Toothless! Ah. Oh, no! No! I'm so scared and in need of help! Barf! Belch! Please, help me! Wait, no, that's not the sa-
Tuffnut: What happened? It was supposed to save you.
Hiccup: Great. You're not- not helping me.
Tuffnut: Hey, they're playing "Bat the Nut"! Ruff, hurry. "Bat the Nut".
Ruffnut: I got next!
Hiccup: Ah! Guys, the point was for Barf and Belch to think they're saving my life.
Ruffnut: You're right, Hiccup. Our dragon is way too smart for this.
Tuffnut: Exactly. I guess we'll have to put you in some real danger.
Hiccup: Uh, that's not what I meant.
[Later in the forest]
Hiccup: Now, Tuff!
Tuffnut: This is the best plan to kill Hiccup ever.
Ruffnut: You mean, pretend to kill Hiccup?
Tuffnut: Sure. Tomato, tomahto.
Hiccup: Come on, Barf and Belch. Let's get moving. Logs rolling. Skinny lives to save. Oh, Thor! Thanks, bud.
Tuffnut: So close, yet again. We need to account for the topography next time.
Ruffnut: True that. Stupid tree.
[At night, in the Twins' hut]
Tuffnut: Too dumb. Not dangerous enough. That can't work. Wait. Wow! That is awesome. Hiccup would never go for it. Would he? No. That's way too destructive. Even for us. What is it, sis? I haven't seen you this sad since Bjorn Boar lost in the inter-archipelago sectionals.
Ruffnut: Oh, Bjorn Boar. That was a sad day. But this is worse! Do you realize we have nothing? Nothing, I tell you. If we don't think of something, we may never get Barf and Belch back from that tyrant. Why, Tuff? Why?! Why do they love him more than us?!
Tuffnut: It's the forbidden fruit. You always want what you can't have. The dragon's always hotter on the other side. We need help. We need someone diabolical. Someone completely devoid of any continence or human emotion whatsoever.
Ruffnut: I can only think of one man that soulless.
[In the morning, at Hiccup's hut]
Hiccup: He-Hey? (Out of nowhere, randomly, Snotlout punches Hiccup in the face) Ugh! (Hiccup falls on the ground) What is wrong with you?
Snotlout: Hiccup Haddock, I'm calling you out! Defend yourself!
Hiccup: D-D-Defend my-
Snotlout: Yaaaaaa!! (swings a battle-ax at Hiccup) (whispers) Fight me.
Hiccup: What, what? What are you doing!?
Snotlout: I said, fight me. What's that, Hiccup? You want to fight to the death?!
Hiccup: What? Who said that? Nobody said that!
Snotlout: You did.
Tuffnut: Here they come. Life-debt no more!
Ruffnut: You think Snotlout'll get barbecued?
Tuffnut: Sis, I'm afraid to tell you, I always knew Snotlout would end up as collateral damage.
Hiccup: (Snotlout flicks the back of Hiccup's head) Ow! I'm not gonna fight you, Snotlout!
Snotlout: You see that? The future chief is a coward! You heard me. Come on, hit me! You know you want to.
Hiccup: Fine. But remember. You wanted this. (Hiccup punches Snotlout in the face)
Snotlout: Ow! What'd you do that for?! Oh, hold on. I gotta take a- (Snotlout falls, knocked out)
Ruffnut: That was incredible.
Tuffnut: Who knew that that scrawny, little one-legged viking had that in him.
Ruffnut: Oh, brother. That's it. There's nothing left.
Tuffnut: Guess Gobber was right. We've lost our dragon for good.
Ruffnut: But on the bright side, Snotlout did just get punched in the face.
Tuffnut: Yeah. If only I could enjoy it.
Snotlout: (Snotlout wakes up) Mom, Dad, Hiccup punched me. I'm really thirsty. (falls unconscious again)
Hiccup: Clubhouse, now. And, get him some ice.
[At the Clubhouse]
Hiccup: Well, a little warning would've been nice.
Tuffnut: Well, to be honest, Hiccup, we figured out what was ruining our plans.
Ruffnut: It was you.
Tuffnut: You, my friend, are a terrible actor.
Hiccup: So you made Snotlout attack me?
Ruffnut: "Surprise" is the word we prefer to use.
Tuffnut: We needed a real reaction from you.
Ruffnut: And, boy did we get one. Eh, Snotlout?
Snotlout: (Spits a tooth into his hand) That's my tooth!
Tuffnut: Unfortunately, we weren't expecting Thor's mighty hammer to meet Snotlout's paper jaw. (Snotlout yells)
Hiccup: So, okay, you do realize if Barf and Belch had actually tried to save me, Snotlout would've been roasted alive?
Ruffnut: Yeah. We took that into account in our risk assessment.
Hiccup: Oh, this situation has gotten way out of hand.
Tuffnut: Please, Hiccup, you've gotta help us. We're completely lost without our dragon. We have nothing to live for. Don't you understand?
Hiccup: We will get you your dragon back. But, you two have to stop. Stop your plans, stop your schemes. Okay? I'm gonna figure this out. I just need time alone. You too, bud.
Snotlout: (Spits another tooth) Two!?
[In the forest]
Hiccup: Huh? Ah, oh, oh. Really, guys? What did I say? I said Come on, I'm serious! Would you let me go? No, seriously, just put me down! Hey! What are you doing? Okay, this is the single worst plan you have ever come up with.
Dagur: Oh, I don't know, brother. You're our prisoner. Seems like a brilliant plan to me. So, looks like your little island stronghold isn't so strong after all. It's completely unguarded from the North. You know, doesn't take much to put in a watchtower. No watchtower. What do you do without a watchtower? It's... It's preposterous.
[At the Clubhouse]
Astrid: What's Toothless doing here?
Ruffnut: Have any of you seen Hiccup?!
Fishlegs: I thought he was with you two.
Ruffnut: No, he bailed on us! And guess who's gone, too? Can't trust anybody.
Tuffnut: They're probably out there having the time of their lives, blasting everything in sight. Remember when random destruction was our thing?
Ruffnut: Seems like yesterday.
Tuffnut: It was. It actually was. Now, here we are. No dragon, no destruction. No fun.
Astrid: Something's wrong. If Toothless is here, and Hiccup's not...
[On the hunter ship]
Dagur: We are gonna extract every little piece of dragon knowledge from that tiny coconut-shaped noggin. We're gonna use you to take us to every island that Dragon Eye has led you to.
Hiccup: And if I don't?
Ryker: I hope you don't.
[Barf and Belch attack]
Hiccup: What the-
Dagur: Ugh! Eh? Huh?
Hiccup: First time in a good long while that I've been happy to see you guys.
[At the Clubhouse]
Tuffnut: That's Barf and Belch!
Ruffnut: That's their distress signal.
Tuffnut: Hey, wait! That's our dragon out there.
Ruffnut: What do we do?
Tuffnut: Hey, T, how you been?
[On the ship]
Ryker: I've had enough of this.
Hiccup: Phew! Nice job, guys. Get us out of here.
Dagur: Oh, boys! Oh, no.
Hiccup: And now I owe you one. Time to go! Hey! Oh, no, no no, no, no.
Ruffnut: Whoa! Yes!
Tuffnut: Back in the saddle, baby.
Hiccup: Let's get these hunters away from Dragon's Edge!
Ruffnut: I missed this!
Tuffnut: You can say that again, sister.
Astrid: Take out the catapults!
Dagur: Get us out of here!
[Back at Dragon's Edge]
Astrid: So, looks like the old life-debt has been repaid.
Hiccup: Barf and Belch saved me from the Dragon Hunters, and Ruff and Tuff saved their dragon from drowning. Thank Thor, everything's back to normal.
Tuffnut: Yeah! Hit me again.
Ruffnut: Me next! Me next!
Astrid: Normal for us, anyway.
Hiccup: (Snotlout runs at Hiccup, knocks him over) Ah! Will someone please tell this lunatic it's over?
Snotlout Gets the Axe (transcript)
Snow Way Out (transcript)