(The Dragon Riders are out in the forest of Berk practicing flying)
Hiccup: Follow me! Low-level evasive maneuvers! Come on, bud!
Hiccup (v.o.): When you're riding a dragon, communication is key. You almost have to read each other's minds. Or else.
Hiccup (v.o.): And you have to have an open mind, because sometimes, your dragon knows better than you.
Snotlout: Almost died? I would've died!
Astrid: That's a good look for you.
Hiccup: Has anyone seen Fishlegs?
Ruffnut: I saw him yesterday. Does that count?
(Hiccup finds Fishlegs and Meatlug caught in the trees)
Hiccup: Oh, there you are, Fishlegs. Are you okay?
Fishlegs: I'm fine. Just hanging out. It's not like I crashed or anything. Okay, I crashed. There, I said it.
Hiccup: (Tries to pull Fishlegs from the tree but pulls off his pants instead) Oops.
Fishlegs: And there goes my dignity.
Hiccup: Yeah, you're pretty stuck. I think I know how to get you down, but you have to stay perfectly still.
Fishlegs: Why? What are you going to do?
Hiccup: Careful, bud, he's not wearing any pants.
Fishlegs: Huh? Wait a second, what does my lack of pants have to do-- (Toothless shoots Fishlegs out of the tree and catches him) OH! Thank you. Um, I believe those are mine. (Takes his pants back from Hiccup)
Hiccup: Now, what are we going to do about Meat... Lug? (Meatlug crashes down to the ground, breaking the trees)
Fishlegs: Can you not tell the others Meatlug broke the trees? She's sensitive about her weight.
Hiccup: How did this happen?
Fishlegs: I don't know! I was just flying along, taking notes on the flora and fauna... typical guy stuff. And something weird jumped out of the bushes. It was like a... flaming squirrel.
Hiccup: Really? A flaming squirrel? (Looks skeptical)
Fishlegs: Or a chipmunk. Or some other flammable rodent. I don't know Hiccup, it scared us. Isn't that enough for you? (Flies off on Meatlug)
Hiccup: Did you hear that? A flaming squirrel. Everyone know there's no such thing as a-- (Something on fire zooms past) FLAMING SQUIRREL! Whoa! You saw that, right?
(Finds an injured baby dragon under a rock)
Hiccup: Hey, little guy. Who are you? (Baby snaps at Hiccup) Whoa, settle down, big fella! I've never seen anything like him. You're not helping. You know, I think we may have discovered a new species here! Whoa, hey, Toothless! What has gotten into you? Looks like he's hurt! (To the baby dragon) Don't be afraid, I'm a friend. Here. It's okay. It's just a little dragon nip. Come on, play nice. AHH! Little dragon, big claws! Come on, let's go. We'll fix you right up.
(Scene switches to the Berk Dragon Training Academy)
Fishlegs: This is so exciting! It's a whole new species!
Tuffnut: Doesn't look like a flaming squirrel to me.
Fishlegs: We have no idea what it's capable of! There's no telling what it might do.
Tuffnut: (Gets in the dragon's face and gives him an order) Flame! Do it! (Baby dragon jumps on his face and chews on his nose. Ruffnut laughs.) AH! Get it off, get it off, get it off! (Dragon jumps to Ruffnut and bites her nose) Oh, that is funny.
Hiccup: Come on, you guys, this is serious! We have to figure out what to do with him. He's hurt!
Tuffnut: He's hurt?
Hiccup: He's just really scared. He'll settle down.
Fishlegs: Um, new species, remember? We actually don't know what he'll do.
Astrid: Well, somebody's got to take him home.
(All the Riders step away, leaving Hiccup holding the baby)
Hiccup: Well, big guy, here's your somebody.
(Scene changes to the Haddock House that evening. Hiccup has the baby, while Stoick and Toothless stand by the unlit hearth)
Stoick: No, no, no! He's not staying here. I've got a one-dragon limit!
Hiccup: Oh, come on! He's not a very big dragon! Think of him more like... a flaming squirrel.
Stoick: Don't want one of those either. (Asks Toothless to light the fire) Toothless, what are you waiting for? (Toothless opens mouth to light fire, but the baby dragon shoots first and lights it) Ah, looks like you torched. Oh, that's his name, by the way. Torch.
Hiccup: So, he can stay?
Stoick: Well, can't throw him out now! I just named him!
(Hiccup feeds fish to Toothless and Torch together)
Hiccup: Okay, a hundred for you, and one for you. There you go, boys, your first supper together. (Hiccup turns away and Torch eats his fish and all of Toothless') Whoa, Toothless! You're sure hungry tonight, aren't you, bud?
(Hiccup and the two dragons are now in Hiccup's bedroom.)
Hiccup: Okay, Torch. This is where you're gonna sleep. (Torch goes over to Toothless' bed and lays down) Aw, look at that. He's made himself at home. Toothless, you don't mind sharing your bed for the night, do you? (Toothless gets irritated and goes to the rafters to sleep) Hope he sleeps through the night. He hardly ate. And you? Go to sleep.
(Toothless hears a commotion in the forest. An adult Typhoomerang is searching around and getting upset)
(Scene changes to the next day at the Academy with the Riders and Torch)
Hiccup:Alright, Torch. Let's figure out what you are.
Fishlegs: Oh! This is so exciting! Documenting a whole new species... learning all about it!
Tuffnut: Wait, learning?
Ruffnut: No thanks.
Hiccup: There's nothing in the Book of Dragons that looks anything like him.
Fishlegs: We even get to determine what it's called. Heh. That is... that is a really big responsibility. I don't know if I'm ready for that.
Snotlout: I am! I'm gonna name the snot out of it!
Astrid: (Astrid measures Torch's wingspan) Twenty inches for the wings.
Hiccup: That's a big wingspan.
Snotlout: Big Wing! Big Span! Big-Wing-Span!
Fishlegs: May I have the honor of administering the claw-test? (Holds out a piece of paper in front of Torch, who slices it up) Look at these talons... They're razor-like.
Snotlout: Sharp-Claw! Razor-Feet! Razor-Sharp-Claw-Talon-Feet!
Tuffnut: Hold on. Is he serious?
Fishlegs: You know what's next, don't you?
Hiccup: No. Not really.
Fishlegs: Only the single most important test to determine a dragon's reaction to eels... The Eel-Reaction-Test!
(Pulls out an eel from a basket. The other dragons fly away. He holds it out to Torch who sniffs it, then eats it)
Fishlegs: He ate it! He ate the eel!
Snotlout: Eel Eater! Come on, that's perfect.
Hiccup: Fishlegs, has there ever been a Dragon who wasn't afraid of--
Fishlegs: Never in recorded history. We're in uncharted waters, my friend.
Hiccup: You hear that, Torch? You're one of a kind.
Fishlegs: Now we need to get him to fly.
Hiccup: Maybe if Torch saw Toothless fly? Toothless! Let's take a ride, bud! Toothless! (calls out to Toothless, but he ignores him)
Snotlout: Ha, ha, ha! So much for the dragon trainer. We've got this! Watch and learn! HOOOOKFANG! (Hookfang flies around wildly) Okay, your turn. Don't think you have to live up to that.
Ruffnut: What's he doing? (Torch walks around in circles)
Astrid: I think something's wrong.
Tuffnut: Aw man, we broke him!
Hiccup: Maybe he can't fly.
(Torch starts spinning in spirals and flies around the arena, sending out a spark shower as he does so)
Hiccup: You... are one incredible little dragon!
Ruffnut: Whoa... Look at that burn mark!
Tuffnut: Look at this burn mark. (Holds out arm which is smoldering)
Fishlegs: Did you see how he flew? He spun like... like a typhoon!
Astrid: And he came back just like a boomerang!
Snotlout: Hot-Spinner! Flaming-Combacker!
Fishlegs: No... Typhoomerang.
Snotlout: Typhoomerang...? Nah, I don't get it.
(Scene changes to the evening back at Hiccup's bedroom. He is trying to draw Torch.)
Hiccup: Okay, Torch. Hold still. I'm trying to draw you. You're getting your own chapter. Gerr... Rarr, rarr! Rarr! (Plays with Torch)
(Toothless hears growling in the distance and charges up to Hiccup trying to tell him something. Hiccup breaks his charcoal pencil)
Hiccup: Toothless! Look what you did! And now I've got to get more charcoal. Toothless, you behave yourself while I'm gone. (Addressing Torch) Hey, it's okay, big guy. I'll be right back.
(Toothless and Torch wrestle, and Torch starts a small fire in the room. Hiccup comes back)
Hiccup: Toothless! Wh-what is going on here? Toothless, why did you do this? What is wrong with you? (Toothless runs from the building into the forest) Toothless! Wait! It's okay, big guy. He's starting to worry me too.
(Toothless runs through the woods. He encounters a mother Typhoomerang who kills a wild boar with fire protecting two baby Typhoomerangs that are Torch's age)
(Scene changes to Hiccup visiting Gobber in the Smithy with Torch)
Hiccup: It's weird. It's like, Toothless is jealous. Which is great. So... my first girlfriend is a dragon.
Gobber: Another thing we have in common. Something must be going on under the surface. Dragons are complex creatures, Hiccup. They operate on many emotional levels. Me? I've only got the one.
(Toothless runs up, very agitated and trying to tell Hiccup something)
Hiccup: Whoa! Okay, Toothless! You see? This is what I've been talking about. Toothless, settle down! (Toothless grabs Torch and tries to run away with him) Gobber! Grab him!
Gobber: You want to dance, big boy? 'Cause I've got my dancing shoe on! Gotcha! Whoa! (Gobber grabs Toothless and is dragged around the Smithy. Gobber crashes into a work table) My panpipes! Now I can get the band back together!
Hiccup: Toothless! BACK! DOWN! Not. Helping.
Hiccup: I don't know what's gotten into you, but I don't like it.
Gobber: (Plays his panpipes at the wrong occasion) What?
(Scene changes to Hiccup trying to fly Toothless to The Cove, but Toothless tries to take him to the forest)
Hiccup: Whoa! WHOA! Toothless! The cove... is this way! Where are you going?! No! You're going to the cove!
(Hiccup and Toothless land in the Cove and Hiccup leaves)
Hiccup: Okay. You've gotta stay here. I never thought bringing Torch home would lead to this. I've gotta separate you two until I can figure this out. Toothless... This is serious. You've got to stay here. (Toothless blocks Hiccup's exit) Okay. A crazy, out-of-control dragon, blocking my way out. Or not! (Hiccup ducks around Toothless and leaves him)
(Scene changes to that evening with Hiccup laying awake in bed)
(Scene shifts to Toothless in the cove trying to sleep, but is disturbed by the adult Typhoomerang crashing around in the forest)
(Scene changes to the Arena with Snotlout, Astrid, and Hiccup with Torch)
Astrid: You did the right thing with Toothless. He'll snap out of it.
Snotlout: Ya, but what if he doesn't. Then you won't have a dragon to ride, and if you don't have a Dragon to ride then you can't be the leader of the Dragon Academy! HA!
Astrid: Yeah, then I'd take over. Do you really want that?
(The Twins arrive on Barf and Belch)
Tuffnut: You guys would not believe what we just saw.
Snotlout: Excuse me, we're having a power struggle.
Hiccup: We're not having a power struggle.
Tuffnut: The whole forest. Ultimate destruction.
Ruffnut: It was beautiful. The whole thing was torched.
Hiccup: Torched? Show me.
(Twins take the gang to the woods where a giant spiral scorch mark is)
Ruffnut: Like we said; ultimate destruction.
Hiccup: We've seen that burn mark before.
Astrid: Not this big.
Fishlegs: You know what this means. Big burn mark--
Hiccup: Big Typhoomerang.
(The adult Typhoomerang appears flying in the sky burning things)
Tuffnut: He looks really mad.
Hiccup: Uh, it's not a he, it's a she. That's Torch's mother.
Astrid: Torch is a baby.
Hiccup: That's what Toothless was trying to tell me.
Fishlegs: Whoever gets between that mother and this baby is gonna get fried! (Passes Torch to Tuffnut)
Tuffnut: You take it! (Passes Torch to Ruffnut)
Ruffnut: I don't want it! (Passes Torch to Snotlout)
Snotlout: Just leave it, and let's get out of here. (Passes Torch to Hiccup)
(Torch's Mother sees Hiccup holding her baby)
Hiccup: Uh-oh. Now, uh, go home to your Mama. RUN! You guys go that way, I'll lead her back into the forest away from the village.
Hiccup: (Running through woods with Torch's Mother following) Oh, please stop following me! TOOTHLESS!
(Calls for Toothless then jumps over the edge of the Cove. Re-emerges riding Toothless)
Hiccup: Thanks, bud. I'm so sorry. I should have listened to you. (Torch's Mother pursues them in the sky) Toothless, evasive maneuvers! Oh, why won't she stop? (Torch appears behind Hiccup on Toothless) What the--? Torch?! What are you doing?! You need to be with your mother! Toothless, we have to try something else. We'll use her size against her! Toothless, up! Now! Dive!
(Torch's Mother is unable to make a sharp turn and crashes into the ground)
Hiccup: I hope she's okay.
(Torch runs over to his downed mother and cuddles her. His siblings jump from her back and they all reunite)
Hiccup: Good job, bud. Everybody's back where they belong. (Torch gets on his Mother's back with his siblings) Goodbye, Torch. Let's go home, Toothless.
(Scene changes to the Haddock House that evening)
Gobber: (Playing his panpipes) Ah. I wrote this just for the occasion.
Hiccup: (Speaking to Toothless) I should have known you were just trying to protect me. That's what you do. (Vomits up a fish for Hiccup) And then you do that.
Hiccup (v.o.): (Flying through woods) Communication between dragon and rider goes both ways. Not only must the dragon follow the Rider's lead, but the Rider must listen to the dragon as well. Because sometimes, what the dragon is trying to say is what you really need to hear.
Animal House (transcript)
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