(Scene begins with Astrid glaring at Snotlout. She tries to talk to him.)
Snotlout: Oh, Astrid, stop! You're so bossy! Rude.
Astrid: What's mine is mine.
Snotlout: Everything your-
Astrid: Do not touch. Ever.
Snotlout: I mean, how was I supposed to know? Do you know how many axes there are on this island?
Astrid: That have my initials on it? One.
Snotlout: (Sheepishly laughing) Oh, those are your initials.
Astrid: Bad enough that you took it without asking, but you used it to clean in between your dragon's dirty claws. Do you know what kind of disgusting crud is in there?
Snotlout: Do I? (laughing) That is some serious nasty goof.
Astrid: (angrily) Get over here!
(The fight goes off scene, and in come the twins, commentating from the sidelines.)
Tuffnut: Sounds like she's got him in the Hofferson Head Press.
Ruffnut: How long 'til he blacks out?
Tuffnut: Less than 30 seconds.
(Astrid and Snotlout come back on scene, still fighting. Astrid has pinnes Snotlout down.)
Astrid: (hisses) Stop struggling.
(Hiccup enters, Toothless behind him.)
Tuffnut: (To Toothless) Hey, T, how you been?
(The group continue to watch the fight.)
Snotlout: (pleading) Okay, not the ear hair. Anything but the ear hair!
Astrid: (smirking) Oops.
(Scene switches to the onlookers again.)
Hiccup: Snotlout took her axe again?
Tuffnut: Mm-hmm. And milady is none too pleased with Sir Snots-alot.
Heather: Do you think they'll be long? I wanted to say goodbye to Astrid before I head home to Berserker Island.
(Scene switches to Snotlout and Astrid still fighting. Astrid is looking apalled.)
Astrid: (incredulously) Did you really just say that to me?
Snotlout: (squeaks) Yes? Please don't hit me.
Astrid: Urgh! (Storms off in anger to find a weapon)
Heather: (tactfully) I'll just go and talk to Astrid myself.
Ruffnut: (To Snotlout) What did you say to her? (laughing) Yeah, right. You did not say that.
Hiccup: Okay, this could be a problem.
Astrid: Okay, just- Nope. Nope. (Rifles through piles of items)
Snotlout: (nervously) Okay. Okay. What is she doing?
Hiccup: Searching for something. Most likely a bludgeon. All right. Here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna get on your dragon and fly out of here immediately.
Snotlout: Yeah, right, I'm not afraid of her.
Tuffnut: (Ruffnut whispers to him) You said, what? Are you insane?
Hiccup: You should go. Now. It's literally the only chance you have.
(Scene switches to Snotlout, flying through the storm on Hookfang. He is ranting to his dragon.)
Snotlout: Okay. I cannot believe this is happening. Can you? I mean, seriously. She needs to stop being so sensitive. (The rain beats down harder.) Great. Wow. Perfect. That's right! Punish me, Thor! Bring everything you got! I can take it! The Snot can take- (huge crash of lightning and thunder) I was kidding! (Hookfang is knocked from the sky by a colossal gust of wind and Snotlout falls off into the ocean, screaming) Rider down! Rider down! Hookfang, where are you? (wooshing noise as something swoops past) Oh, Thor. What was that? Hookie? Is that you? Hookfang? Of course it's not. Hookfang! Help! Help!
(Scene switches to back at the Edge, where the Gang are sat around. Astrid looks grim. Hiccup looks uncomfortable.)
Hiccup: All right, are we all just gonna sit here and pretend nothing's wrong?
Astrid: Nothing is wrong.
Hiccup: He should have been back by now. Okay? He never leaves for very long. You know Snotlout. He's too big a chicken.
Tuffnut: Ahem. Hiccup? El pollo. (gestures towards Chicken)
Hiccup: Oh, yeah. Sorry, Chicken.
Tuffnut: Muchisima gracias de yo y Chicken.
Fishlegs: You know there is a chance he got caught in that storm. It's pretty brutal out there.
Ruffnut: Of course, he got caught in the storm. He's Snotlout. The only question is do we-
Hiccup: You know the answer to that question, and it's yes. Come on.
Ruffnut: You're sure it's not a question? I feel like it's a question.
(Scene switches to Snotlout, slwoly waking up. He is in a strange, beautiful hall, surrounded by Wingmaidens.)
Snotlout: Huh? Huh? Okay, you guys. Joke's over. Ha-ha. Take off that beautiful native woman costume, Fishface. You don't have the legs for it.
Minden: (confused) Who is this Fishface he speaks of?
Atali: Ah. You're awake. My name is Atali.
Atali: You are safe here, young Viking.
Snotlout: Wait. I am? I am. Then, this must be- Wow. You know, I thought I'd be really depressed to be, well, you know, but this is awesome. Wow. Okay, so when do I get to meet Odin. I mean-
Snotlout: He obviously handpicked me to come to Valhalla, so he must want to hang out with the Snotman, catch up, lay down some warrior gifts on me.
Atali: You are not in Valhalla, Snotman.
Snotlout: Yeah, it's actually Snotlout. Okay, let's go see the "O" guy.
Atali: My Wingmaidens rescued you from a terrible storm. You are alive and well and on our island home.
Snotlout: Well, if I'm not dead, then where's Hookfang?
Atali: Just calm yourself. You are safe from all dragons while you are here. Now drink from this golden goblet. This is the purest of all herbal tea. It will give you great strength.
Snotlout: Don't mind if I do. Mmm! This is delicious. Me-likey. Ah. Grab another bottle of this, will ya? I wanna take this with me. (Wingmaidens glare at him in disapproval.) Uh. Please?
(Scene switches to the Riders, flying over the ocean in search of Snotlout)
Tuffnut: Man, this is impossible! It's like looking for a bonehead in a thunderstorm.
Ruffnut: Is that supposed to be a metaphor?
Tuffnut: Yeah, a little on the nose? Well, my brain is wet.
Hiccup: Hey, Toothless? Let's try again. (Toothless uses echolocation) Still nothing.
Astrid: Hiccup, we're never gonna find anything out here. I can barely see Stormfly's head in front of me.
Fishlegs: Astrid's right, Hiccup. Maybe we should go back to the Edge and wait it out, then when it's more-
Hiccup: Guys, wait. Do you see that?
Fishlegs: Is that-
Hiccup: Hookfang! We've seen him do this before.
Fishlegs: He wants us to follow him.
Astrid: What's Snotlout gotten himself into this time?
Snotlout: So he says to the other Viking, "You're Thor?" "I'm tho Thor I can barely thit down." Now this is how you treat a man. Astrid should be here taking some notes. You feel me on that?
Atali: Mr. Snotlout, although we are honored to have you as our guest, your attitude towards women is completely unacceptable.
Snotlout: Hey, I always talk like this. I dig chicks, uh, women-
Atali: And that is why you must respect them, revere them. Do you understand?
Snotlout: Loud and clear.
Atali: Perfect. Get some rest. For this evening, you will be the guest of honor at our "Feast of Freya". We've been preparing the sacred stew for days now. Just a few final ingredients and it will be ready to ingest. You, Mr. Snotlout, will be the centerpiece of our celebration.
Snotlout: So, this sacred stew, what exactly makes it so "sacred"?
Atali: Oh, I'm afraid we couldn't reveal that, Snotlout. If we did, well-
Snotlout: Oh, let me guess. You'd have to kill me?
Atali: That's one way to put it.
Snotlout: Huh? You guys are kidding, right? I mean, with all of my respect and revering I'm doing here, you wouldn't I'm no one's stew. I don't care how sacred or delicious it is.
Atali: Run if you must, Snotlout. But, I'm afraid we cannot let you leave Wingmaiden Island.
Snotlout: This is so typical. I finally meet some cool chicks that I can hang out with, who get my jokes, dig me as a leader and as a warrior, and it turns out all they want to do is make me into some crappy stew. You don't think I'll do it, do you? You don't think I have the guts? Well, guess what, baby? I'm all guts. Check this out. Nothing but guts here. Oh, no! I did it. I'm alive. I'm in one piece. Those lunatics will never have the stones to- What in the name of Thor? No. You can't do this. I'm not edible. I'd be tough, gamey. Wait, are you flying? How are you flying? Help me!
Hiccup: Okay, Hookfang, I get it. You're worried about Snotlout. Why don't we just take a little break and give the rest of us a chance to- Okay, who needs to catch their breath anyway? You guys relax, I'll go.
Fishlegs: No way, all right? We are going with you. Meatlug just got her second wind.
Hiccup: What the- What the- Are are those-
Fishlegs: Flying women?
Hiccup: Uh. Am I crazy or is that impossible?
Astrid: What's impossible?
Fishlegs: Nothing. Nothing. We're just having some friendly hallucinations.
Tuffnut: Wait, so, you didn't see the angelic flying native women? Man, did you miss it.
Hiccup: Okay, we really have to know more about these, whatever they are. Hey, Fishlegs, take a look at this.
Fishlegs: Amazing. Just amazing. The density of the vegetation is unparalleled for an island in this area of the- Oh. You were talking about the giant village of women with wings.
Hiccup: Hold on. I think I found Snotlout. They've got him and they're taking him into a cave.
Astrid: Yeah, he probably said something he would say, and now they're gonna-
Ruffnut: Hey, at least our hands are clean.
Tuffnut: As a whistle. Just sucks we don't get to watch.
Hiccup: We're not gonna let them do anything to Snotlout. We're gonna go in there and get him and bring him home.
Ruffnut: Who is this "we" you speak of?
Hiccup: All of us.
Astrid: It's all women down there. If we have to save him, and I'm not convinced we do, I think it would be easier for Heather, Ruffnut and I to take the lead. You know, put 'em at ease.
Heather: What if we all went in on Windshear? There's something familiar about those wings.
Hiccup: All right, then it's settled. We'll be there if you need us. You might not wanna mention anything about Snotlout, until you know why they have him locked up in that cave.
Atali: What a beautiful Razorwhip. And so well-behaved.
Heather: I've had her since she was a hatchling. She must have gotten separated from her mother.
Atali: I am Atali. We are not here to harm you, but to ask how it is you find yourselves within our island's borders.
Astrid: There was a terrible storm. We were on our way back to our own island and we must have gotten blown off course.
Atali: I'm afraid that we don't usually allow men on our island, so your friend will have to-
Ruffnut: Hey, I'm more woman than you'll ever be, sister.
Atali: My apologies. Follow us. We will provide you with shelter this evening and a hot meal.
Ruffnut: Now we're talking. What's on the menu?
Atali: We're having stew. Sacred stew.
Ruffnut: Mmm. Sacred.
Atali: As I said, we do not allow males to integrate into our tribe on a permanent basis.
Astrid: Why is that?
Atali: We have important work here, a higher purpose, if you will. Males would neither understand, nor would they be helpful.
Ruffnut: Amen to that, sister.
Heather: Ruff, you don't really feel that way about the guys.
Ruffnut: Don't I? I can't remember us ever having this discussion, Heather.
Atali: If you'll excuse me for a moment, I have some business to attend to. But feel free to take in the beauty our island has to offer.
Astrid: Well, that's the end of Snotlout.
Ruffnut: Hey, at least he'll die surrounded by beautiful women and the smell of sacred stew.
Heather: If he's still alive, we need to get to him before he says anything to make them any more angry. Yeah, that ship's sailed, huh?
Astrid: Hey, can you guys keep their chief busy?
Heather: We can try.
Astrid: I'll find Snotlout. He's a muttonhead, but he's our muttonhead.
Ruffnut: Come on, Heather. I thought I saw a boar pit when we were flying in. Hey, maybe they're up for a game of doubles.
Astrid: Ugh. Snotlout. Snotlout, wake up. Hey, muttonhead.
Snotlout: Astrid. You came for me. I knew you would. I knew it. Wait a minute. No, I didn't. You hate me. Why would you?
Astrid: I don't hate you, Snotlout. You frustrate the living you know. But you're one of us. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you.
Snotlout: Astrid, you care about me. You really, really care.
Astrid: Don't push it. Now what exactly is it that you said to them to get them so mad at you?
Snotlout: All I did was fall in the ocean and these clearly unstable natives are planning on using me in their sacred stew. That's exactly what happened. All right, maybe I said a few things that were taken out of context.
Snotlout: Fine. I'm learning. I'm a work in progress. The archipelago wasn't built in a day.
Astrid: All right. The others are gonna meet up with you at the base of the mountains on the north end of the island. Do you know which way is north?
Snotlout: Seriously, did you just ask me that?
Astrid: It's that way.
Snotlout: Oh, got it.
Astrid: Oh, yeah, you're welcome.
Astrid: No, any time, sure. My pleasure. Whoa. What happened to you two?
Heather: Turns out that was a boar pit. And they did want to play doubles.
Astrid: Well, I'd ask how you did, but-
Ruffnut: Don't. I do not want to talk about it. Some people do not take the game as seriously as they should.
Astrid: All right, let's go. Where's Windshear?
Atali: You're not leaving, are you?
Astrid: Oh, yes, I'm afraid we have to.
Heather: We have a long way to fly, and it'll be dark soon.
Atali: Such a shame. I so wanted to show you the newborns.
Heather: I don't understand. Where are their mothers? How could you keep them from-
Atali: We're not keeping them from their mothers. We're saving them. Heather, were you aware that nearly a thousand years ago, the Razorwhip almost became extinct?
Heather: No. I had no idea.
Atali: It's true. And it was then that our Wingmaiden tribe was charged with a divine mission. A mission given to us by Freya herself, and one we fulfill with great honor to this day.
Astrid: There's something about them. Are they-
Atali: Blind? Yes. All Razorwhips are born blind. They are helpless and the mothers cannot protect them against male Razorwhips.
Ruffnut: Been there.
Ruffnut: Uh. Just sounded like the right response.
Atali: Adult male Razorwhips will feed on the babies unless someone is there to stop them.
Heather: And that's where you come in.
Atali: Exactly. We have a mutual understanding with the mothers that the hatchlings will stay with us until they are able to stand and are strong enough to fly. Then they fly on our backs until they are old enough to defend themselves. It is only then that they are released back to their mothers and then into the wild.
Heather: So, what you're telling me is that-
Atali: Your dragon was once a part of our family. She was raised by us until she was strong enough to go on her own.
Heather: Windshear was so little when I found her, but she bonded with me right away.
Atali: Well, the first contact with another living being creates a lifelong bond. One that shall never be broken. You are a very lucky woman, Heather.
Heather: I am.
Ruffnut: And here we thought you were these crazy babes who flew with dragons and ate stew made out of fat annoying guys.
Astrid: That is not what we thought.
Atali: It's all right. What we are-
Minden: The man has escaped. Someone set him free.
Astrid: Sorry. We didn't know. He's meeting our friends at the base of the north mountains.
Atali: That's unfortunate.
Heather: Why? Why is that unfortunate?
Atali: Because those are the nesting grounds of the Razorwhips. And if the females sense any sort of male presence there, they will attack. To kill. He'll have no chance.
Astrid: I sent him right into that. I just sent Snotlout to his death.
Snotlout: There it is. I think I'm gonna make it. I'm gonna actually live. Where did you come from? Hey, uh, I actually know your cousin Windshear. We get along great. Oh, come on. Are they serious? Save your breath, ladies. The dragons are gonna kill me before you ever even get here. Hmm. Ugh. This is all my fault. All I had to do was be nice to Astrid. That's all I had to do. But, no. Snotlout had to go and open his big fat yap. Hah! You gotta get up way earlier than that to- Like this guy. Early riser. Great. Okay. Gotta go. Snotlout!
Hiccup: Astrid. Are we okay here? Or-
Astrid: We're fine, which is more than I can say for-
Hiccup: Let me guess. Snotlout.
Atali: Unfortunately, your friend has found himself in a Razorwhip nesting area.
Tuffnut: I think old Snotty is a ways away from "finding himself". And does anybody really ever "find themselves"? Isn't knowing who you are a journey that never ends with a beginning that never starts?
Fishlegs: What's he doing there? Doesn't he know how female Razorwhips respond to male presence while they're nesting?
Tuffnut: He does now. Oops, sorry. I'm sure he's fine.
Hiccup: All right, the way I see it, the only shot he has is for us, and when I say "us", I mean Fishlegs, Tuff, to ride over the forest and distract all the female Razorwhips.
Astrid: Then, we can go in and rescue Snotlout's boneheaded butt while they're still distracted.
Tuffnut: What's going on? I don't think this was the plan!
Hiccup: Here they come. They're just trying to protect their eggs, so we don't need to fire on them.
Fishlegs: Evasive maneuvers. Gotcha!
Heather: There's acres of forest down there. Uh, how are we gonna find him?
Astrid: Just listen for the high-pitched screams. That'll be him.
Snotlout: I can't believe I'm gonna die in a tree stump. Why can't I have a heroic death? Is that too much to ask for? Is it?
Heather: Like that?
Ruffnut: Exactly like that.
Snotlout: I take it back, Odin. I don't want to be heroic. And why do you only listen to me when I say stupid stuff? Astrid. How did you find me?
Astrid: Your scream is unmistakable. Look out!
Snotlout: Uh, Astrid.
Astrid: Yes, Snotlout?
Snotlout: Can you, I don't know, hurry?! Uh, Astrid.
Astrid: I see them.
Snotlout: Let go of me! I am not a piece of meat. Argh!
Hiccup: Whoa! Man, they really don't like us.
Snotlout: Astrid. Oh, no. No! No!
Tuffnut: Hey, bro. You know, I gotta say, this is one cool dragon. Did you know he can fly so fast it almost rips your face off?
Snotlout: Yes. I knew that, Tuff.
Tuffnut: Oh, okay. And, Snotlout, you mind holding on to something else? I just don't want the Wingmaidens to think I'm taken.
Astrid: Something you'd like to say?
Snotlout: Astrid, I learned my lesson this time. I swear. No more disrespect. No more cleaning Hookie's body parts with your favorite axe. I'm just, well, sometimes I can be a bit of a muttonhead.
Astrid: But, you're our muttonhead.
Snotlout: Yeah. I guess I am.
Atali: A toast and greetings to our new friends from Dragon's Edge. You have taught us a lesson in tolerance and acceptance. You will always be welcome here on the Island of Wingmaidens. Every one of you. And to the conclusion of the nesting season. Now that it is over, there is much work to be done, but no other task brings us such joy.
Something Rotten on Berserker Island (transcript)
A Matter of Perspective (transcript)