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This is the transcript page for Smoke Gets in Your Eyes, complete with full dialogues and actions.


Fishlegs: Trader Johann's here, everybody, Trader Johann's here!

Snotlout: Johann Shmohann, that guy never lets me touch any of his cool stuff.

Hiccup:  Well that's because last time he was here, you broke half of it!

Snotlout: [gasps] It's my word against his.

Trader Johann: I'm back! Ah, Berk! The crown jewel of the entire Archipelago!  

Fishlegs: Over here Trader Johann!

[Trader Johann laughs]

Fishlegs: Oooo, what did you bring today?

Trader Johann: First things, Mr. Fishlegs, treasures from every coast and every shore, like the pearls of danger.

Fishlegs: Oooooo!

Trader Johann: Perfect for that special lady in your life...

Snotlout: You know, those could be yours, Astrid, just say the word...

Astrid: Yuck!

Snotlout: That's not the word!

Gobber: Hmm, nope!

Trader Johann: Ah, Mr. Gobber, what could I interest you in?

Gobber: Why don't you wow me Johann, knock me off my feet.

Trader Johann: Put me to the test, I uh, [chuckles] okay.

Gobber: Hang on... [walks over to a corner]

Gobber: What's under here?

Trader Johann: Oh, nothing too exciting, just an old pile of...

Gobber: Scrap metal! It's perfect! I've run out of things to pound around here!

Tuffnut: Woah, It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!

Astrid: It's just scrap metal.

Tuffnut: No, I'm talking about this mace!

[Tuffnut runs to the mace and picks it up.]

Tuffnut: Woah, hey mace. You wanna come home with me, don't you? [in a high voice:] Yes I do, Tuffnut, I wanna needlessly destroy other people's property with you! [regular voice again:] Oh Macey, you get me!

Trader Johann: [to Gobber:] I see you are a gentleman that recognizes quality when he sees it. This is the finest metal from the farthest reaches of the archipelago.

Gobber: I'll take it all.

Trader Johann: Excellent, always a pleasure, Mr. Gobber.

[They hear a crash and all look at Snotlout.]

Trader Johann: Huh?

[Plate drops to the deck and breaks.]

Snotlout: Wasn't me!

Trader Johann: I really hate that kid.

Gobber: Uh, Hiccup, do you think you can spare a hook, son?

Hiccup: Not a problem, Gobber. 

[Hiccup looks at the teens ]

Hiccup: Hey guys!

Tuffnut: Lets do this, Macey!

[Gobber lifts Snotlout off his dragon]

Gobber: Not so fast, you, I paid good money for this scrap, I'll not have you dropping it into the ocean!

[Hiccup yawns]

Woman: I got those ladles when I went to sleep and now they're gone!

Sven: All my grandmother's goblets, GONE!

Hiccup: Okay, what did we just walk into?

Man 2: All my favorite milk jugs, gone!

Hiccup: What is going on here?

Snotlout: A bunch of stuff got stolen from the village last night.

Astrid: And some of us are taking it pretty hard.

Tuffnut: [Crying] Macey, Macey, Oh golly she's gone. NOOOOOO!!!!

[Tuffnut points at Ruffnut]

Tuffnut: You, you were always jealous of her. You knew I loved her more because I told you every so  often and I wrote it in your room on the wall!

Stoick: We have quite a situation on our hands, axes, shields, helmets, drinking goblets, all stolen.

Hiccup: Axes, shields, helmets, drinking goblets. What do all these things have in common?

Snotlout: Obviously, duh, they're all gone.

Hiccup: No, they're metal, everything that's missing is metal.

Astrid: Hiccup, everything we own is metal.

Hiccup: It's a theory, work with me.

Tuffnut: I miss the little spikes around your head... [Cries]

Stoick: Whatever's going on, I need to find who is responsible before this panic gets any worse.

Gobber: Bucket and Mulch are slapping each other with sturgeons.

Stoick: What happened to their bludgeons?

Gobber: Stolen, It's the sturgeon

Stoick: In someways It's probably better.

Hiccup: Uh Dad, what do you say you take care of this sturgeon slapping while Astrid and I do a  little investigating.

Astrid: Investigating? What exactly are you planning, Hiccup?

Hiccup: To return to the scenes of crime and see if we can find out something about this metal theif.

Tuffnut: [Cries] I miss her! [continues to cry] She had such a weird voice!

Hiccup: Gobber, can you remember who has been here the last couple of days?

Gobber: Hmm, hard to say. Business has been booming. There's only 41 shopping days left till Snoggletog, you know. Don't wait until the last minute.

Hiccup: No footprints...

Gobber: This metal thief won't get the best of me, I've set booby traps that are guaranteed to nab it.

Astrid: What's the matter?

Gobber: It would appear that I've trapped myself in my own booby, No one... move... a muscle...

Tuffnut: This is where Macey was before her disappearance, quote, unquote.

Ruffnut: I didn't take your stupid mace!

Tuffnut: It was her favorite spot. She just loved watching the sunset, or this wall, depending on which side I left her on.

Astrid: This is weird.

Hiccup: Yeah, even for the twins.

Ruffnut: Hey, leave me out of this one!

Hiccup: Strange, no forced entry, not a single footprint...

Astrid: And no eye witnesses... 

Ruffnut: Huh, and you call yourselves detectives?

Hiccup: Uh, first of all, no, we don't call ourselves detectives, and second, what's so obvious?

Ruffnut: What you're looking for, is not just a metal thief, It's a ghost metal thief. Uh huh!

Hiccup: Well, that was helpful, as usual.

Astrid: It's getting late. We'll start again in the morning.

Hiccup: Uhh, huh? Toothless, Toothless, what the, TOOTHLESS!!!

Hiccup: Are they... Smokebreaths?

Hiccup: Hey, you get your hands off that! Well, bud, It looks like we found our thief.

Fishlegs: The thief hit you guys too, huh?

Snotlout: I feel naked without my helmet.

Tuffnut: Me too. But I made a sketch of the thief. It came to me in a dream, see, my self conscience is working overtime. Like a sports team that just can't win.

Astrid: Um, Tuffnut, that's you.

Tuffnut: No it's not.

Fishlegs: Yes it is.

Tuffnut: No, it isn't. I think I'd know myself if I... Hmm... wrong picture.


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Smoke Gets in Your Eyes (transcript) Next:
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