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This is the transcript page for Smoke Gets in Your Eyes, complete with full dialogues and actions.


Fishlegs: Trader Johann's here, everybody, Trader Johann's here!

Snotlout: Johann Shmohann, that guy never lets me touch any of his cool stuff.

Hiccup:  Well that's because last time he was here, you broke half of it!

Snotlout: [gasps] It's my word against his.

Trader Johann: I'm back! Ah, Berk! The crown jewel of the entire Archipelago!  

Fishlegs: Over here Trader Johann!

[Trader Johann laughs]

Fishlegs: Oooo, what did you bring today?

Trader Johann: First things, Mr. Fishlegs, treasures from every coast and every shore, like the pearls of danger.

Fishlegs: Oooooo!

Trader Johann: Perfect for that special lady in your life...

Snotlout: You know, those could be yours, Astrid, just say the word...

Astrid: Yuck!

Snotlout: That's not the word!

Gobber: Hmm, nope!

Trader Johann: Ah, Mr. Gobber, what could I interest you in?

Gobber: Why don't you wow me Johann, knock me off my feet.

Trader Johann: Put me to the test, I uh, [chuckles] okay.

Gobber: Hang on... [walks over to a corner]

Gobber: What's under here?

Trader Johann: Oh, nothing too exciting, just an old pile of...

Gobber: Scrap metal! It's perfect! I've run out of things to pound around here!

Tuffnut: Woah, It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!

Astrid: It's just scrap metal.

Tuffnut: No, I'm talking about this mace!

[Tuffnut runs to the mace and picks it up.]

Tuffnut: Woah, hey mace. You wanna come home with me, don't you? [in a high voice:] Yes I do, Tuffnut, I wanna needlessly destroy other people's property with you! [regular voice again:] Oh Macey, you get me!

Trader Johann: [to Gobber:] I see you are a gentleman that recognizes quality when he sees it. This is the finest metal from the farthest reaches of the archipelago.

Gobber: I'll take it all.

Trader Johann: Excellent, always a pleasure, Mr. Gobber.

[They hear a crash and all look at Snotlout.]

Trader Johann: Huh?

[Plate drops to the deck and breaks.]

Snotlout: Wasn't me!

Trader Johann: I really hate that kid.

Gobber: Uh, Hiccup, do you think you can spare a hook, son?

Hiccup: Not a problem, Gobber. 

[Hiccup looks at the teens ]

Hiccup: Hey guys!

Tuffnut: Lets do this, Macey!

[Gobber lifts Snotlout off his dragon]

Gobber: Not so fast, you, I paid good money for this scrap, I'll not have you dropping it into the ocean!

[Hiccup yawns]

Woman: I got those ladles when I went to sleep and now they're gone!

Sven: All my grandmother's goblets, GONE!

Hiccup: Okay, what did we just walk into?

Man 2: All my favorite milk jugs, gone!

Hiccup: What is going on here?

Snotlout: A bunch of stuff got stolen from the village last night.

Astrid: And some of us are taking it pretty hard.

Tuffnut: [Crying] Macey, Macey, Oh golly she's gone. NOOOOOO!!!!

[Tuffnut points at Ruffnut]

Tuffnut: You, you were always jealous of her. You knew I loved her more because I told you every so  often and I wrote it in your room on the wall!

Stoick: We have quite a situation on our hands, axes, shields, helmets, drinking goblets, all stolen.

Hiccup: Axes, shields, helmets, drinking goblets. What do all these things have in common?

Snotlout: Obviously, duh, they're all gone.

Hiccup: No, they're metal, everything that's missing is metal.

Astrid: Hiccup, everything we own is metal.

Hiccup: It's a theory, work with me.

Tuffnut: I miss the little spikes around your head... [Cries]

Stoick: Whatever's going on, I need to find who is responsible before this panic gets any worse.

Gobber: Bucket and Mulch are slapping each other with sturgeons.

Stoick: What happened to their bludgeons?

Gobber: Stolen, It's the sturgeon

Stoick: In someways It's probably better.

Hiccup: Uh Dad, what do you say you take care of this sturgeon slapping while Astrid and I do a  little investigating.

Astrid: Investigating? What exactly are you planning, Hiccup?

Hiccup: To return to the scenes of crime and see if we can find out something about this metal theif.

Tuffnut: [Cries] I miss her! [continues to cry] She had such a weird voice!

Hiccup: Gobber, can you remember who has been here the last couple of days?

Gobber: Hmm, hard to say. Business has been booming. There's only 41 shopping days left till Snoggletog, you know. Don't wait until the last minute.

Hiccup: No footprints...

Gobber: This metal thief won't get the best of me, I've set booby traps that are guaranteed to nab it.

Astrid: What's the matter?

Gobber: It would appear that I've trapped myself in my own booby, No one... move... a muscle...

Tuffnut: This is where Macey was before her disappearance, quote, unquote.

Ruffnut: I didn't take your stupid mace!

Tuffnut: It was her favorite spot. She just loved watching the sunset, or this wall, depending on which side I left her on.

Astrid: This is weird.

Hiccup: Yeah, even for the twins.

Ruffnut: Hey, leave me out of this one!

Hiccup: Strange, no forced entry, not a single footprint...

Astrid: And no eye witnesses... 

Ruffnut: Huh, and you call yourselves detectives?

Hiccup: Uh, first of all, no, we don't call ourselves detectives, and second, what's so obvious?

Ruffnut: What you're looking for, is not just a metal thief, It's a ghost metal thief. Uh huh!

Hiccup: Well, that was helpful, as usual.

Astrid: It's getting late. We'll start again in the morning.

Hiccup: Uhh, huh? Toothless, Toothless, what the, TOOTHLESS!!!

Hiccup: Are they... Smokebreaths?

Hiccup: Hey, you get your hands off that! Well, bud, It looks like we found our thief.

Fishlegs: The thief hit you guys too, huh?

Snotlout: I feel naked without my helmet.

Tuffnut: Me too. But I made a sketch of the thief. It came to me in a dream, see, my self conscience is working overtime. Like a sports team that just can't win.

Astrid: Um, Tuffnut, that's you.

Tuffnut: No it's not.

Fishlegs: Yes it is.

Tuffnut: No, it isn't. I think I'd know myself if I... Huh. I guess it is. Yeah.

Hiccup: Hey, guys. I know who the thief is.

Hiccup: Or should I say I know who our thieves are?

Hiccup: Adolescent Smokebreath dragons.

Fishlegs: Of course! Smokebreaths steal metal to build their nests.

Stoick: But why would Smokebreaths be on Berk?

Fishlegs: Chief! Coming in for the big win!

Fishlegs: Smothering Smokebreaths normally don't stray far from their home on Breakneck Bog.

Hiccup: That's the part I'm still unclear about. 

Gobber: I've been robbed!

Gobber: The thief evaded my booby traps and took all the metal I bought from trader Johann!

Gobber: Left me with nary a scrap of... scrap!

Hiccup: Dad, I think I might know how the Smokebreaths got here.

Trader Johann: That's when I said... "what's for dinner?"

Trader Johann: And the chief of the Mori Ori tribe licked his lips and said, "you are!"

Trader Johann: "You are!"

Trader Johann: My first mate would've been his first course. Ha!

Trader Johann: Ah, master Hiccup and the great chief. To what do I owe this pleasure?

Hiccup: Well, Johann, we were wondering where you may have gotten that scrap metal you sold Gobber.

Trader Johann: Unfortunately, old friends, I can't possibly reveal my sources.

Trader Johann: Of course, there are times when it's best to share. I procured it from a Berserker, who was offering it at a price I could not refuse. He had just come from an island that we both well and equally fear.

Hiccup: Breakneck Bog.

Trader Johann: You didn't hear that from me.

Hiccup: Oh, well, that wasn't just a pile of scrap metal, Johann, that was a Smokebreath nest with hatchlings inside it.

Stoick: Well, uh, well, that's unfortunate news.​​​​​​​

Trader Johann: Ah, ooh. No need to thank me! Now, back to our story. Where was I?

​​​Hiccup: Well, that answers how the Smokebreaths got here.​​​​​​​

Stoick:  Gobber, what's the latest?

Gobber: Just as I'd feared, Stoick. Almost no metal left in all of Berk.

Stoick: And what of the armory?

Gobber: Let's just say the axe handles outnumber the axes.​​​​​​​

Gobber: Oh. And then there's this.

Stoick: Without weapons, Berk is vulnerable.

Hiccup: Dad, we've still got the dragons.

Stoick: And Dagur has an armada. Five dragons are no match for a large-scale attack.​​​​​​​ 

Hiccup: We have to find that missing metal. Especially the weapons.​​​​​​​

Tuffnut: Oh, Macey must be so alone and scared out there.​​​​​​​ It's hard out there for a mace. Oh, Macey.

Astrid: Maybe the Smokebreaths took the metal back to Breakneck Bog.​​​​​​​

Fishlegs: I don't think so.

Fishlegs: Smokebreaths can't fly long distances carrying a lot of weight.​​​​​​​

Ruffnut: Hey, Snotlout, how'd you get your helmet back?​​​​​​​

Snotlout: It's my spare. A real warrior is never without his helmet.​​​​​​​

A​​strid: Can't say the same for his brain.

Snotlout: What is it with you today? You are so up my...

Snotlout: Ooh! Hey!

Hiccup: Snotlout, come on, please focus.

Snotlout: Come on, really? Oh!​​​​​​​

Hiccup: If the Smokebreaths didn't take the metal back to Breakneck Bog,​​​​​​​ they must have started building a nest somewhere here on Berk.

Tuffnut: Awesome! Not awesome?

Astrid: Definitely not awesome. How are we gonna find them?​​​​​​​ 

Astrid: They could be anywhere.

Hiccup: Well, there's only one way to catch a metal thief, and that's...

Tuffnut: Wait, don't tell me. With a net! No. No, no, with a rope! No? Okay. Oh... oh! Don't say it. With a ropey net.

Hiccup: I was just gonna say with metal.

Tuffnut: Oh! It was on the tip of my tongue. Stupid tongue.​​​​​​​

Tuffnut: Flick it. Come on, flick it.

Tuffnut: Ow! Oh, yeah.

Hiccup: So we need to gather all the metal from the arena​​​​​​​ and bait a trap that the Smokebreaths won't be able to resist.

Hiccup: We lure them in, let them take the metal, and follow​​​​​​​ them right back to the nest and all our missing weapons.

Astrid: You did say "all the metal," right, Hiccup?​​​​​​​

Snotlout: What? Oh, you've gotta be kidding me. What about his leg? That's made of metal.

Fishlegs: Snotlout.

Snotlout: All I'm saying is fair is fair.

Hiccup: Snotlout, please.

Snotlout: I still think we should've flipped a yak pie for it.

Hiccup: Shh. It looks like they've taken the bait.​​​​​​​

Hiccup: Okay, very important. No one do absolutely anything until I give the signal.

Ruffnut: Get 'em! 

Tuffnut: Get 'em!

Hiccup: Yet another plan perfectly executed.

Hiccup: Dragons, everyone!

Tuffnut: I got one!

Ruffnut: I got one too!

Tuffnut: Ugh, and its skin feels all sweaty and clammy.

Tuffnut: Like a girl.

Ruffnut: Hey!

Hiccup: Look, there they go. Follow them!

Hiccup: Okay, don't lose 'em, bud.

Hiccup: Okay, tricky. Everyone split up!

Hiccup: Sneaky. Toothless, over there!

Hiccup: Oh, not this again.

Hiccup: Follow that rod!

Hiccup: Get me close enough, Toothless.

Hiccup: Want some metal? Here ya go!​​​​​​​

Hiccup: Whoa! Whoa! Maybe this was a bad idea.

Hiccup: What is it, bud? Give us some light, bud.

Hiccup: The Smokebreaths' nest.

Hiccup: Okay. Uh. We need to go back and get all the riders, so we can break this apart and get it back to the village.

Astrid: ​​​​​​​Hiccup! Thank Thor. I finally caught up to you.

Hiccup: ​​​​​​​Astrid, I found the Smokebreath nest and...

Astrid: We don't have time for that now.

Hiccup: What do you mean?​​​​​​​ 

Astrid: We just spotted something on the horizon.​​​​​​​ Something that may be a bigger problem than the Smokebreaths.

DagurWho would've thought those pesky, little scavengers​​​​​​​ could bring Berk to its knees?

Savage: Actually, I did. If you recall, it was my idea.

Savage: Although now that I think about it, I probably stole it from you.

Dagur: With no weapons and just a handful of dragons, Berk will​​​​​​​ be no match for the might of Dagur and his Berserker armada!

Dagur: Pucker up, Hiccup. Because you're about to kiss my boots.​​​​​​​

Hiccup: Well, this guy is like, the king of armadas?​​​​​​​ Does he go anywhere without one?

Astrid: It's like he knew we were gonna be defenseless.​​​​​​​

Hiccup: He did.

Hiccup:  Trader Johann said he bought the scrap metal​​​​​​​ from a Berserker.

Fishlegs:  And it was from Breakneck Bog.

Astrid: Dagur planted those dragons. He knew what they would do.

Stoick: Hiccup, you found the Smokebreath nest.​​​​​​​ You and the other riders go to it and get our weapons.

Hiccup: They'll be protecting it by now.

Hiccup We don't have enough time to fight the Smokebreaths and get back here before Dagur attacks.​​​​​​​

Snotlout: Then I say we head out there and blast those Berserkers with what we've got.​​​​​​​

Hiccup: Even with our dragons, the six of us won't be able to take out those ships alone.

Tuffnut: Well, if we cut ourselves in half, we'd be... twice as many!​​​​​​​

Astrid: Just once, try stopping it between here and here.​​​​​​​

Hiccup: No, he's actually onto something.

Tuffnut: See? I'll get an axe.

'Hiccup:' What? No. You don't need an axe. We don't need more of us.

Hiccup: We need more dragons.

Stoick: What are you saying, son?

Hiccup: ​​​​​​​Why fight against the Smokebreaths when we can fight with them?

Hiccup: ​​​​​​​Everyone, bring any metal you might still have in your houses. It doesn't matter how small it is.

Stoick: You heard my son!

Gobber: I gutted my first Outcast with this. Take good care of it.​​​​​​​

Hiccup: Thank you, Gobber. I will.

Hiccup: Ruff, Tuff, sound the dinner bell.

Ruffnut: Come and get it, smokebutts!

Tuffnut: Yeah, smokebutts, come and get it, you foggy bottoms.​​​​​​​

The Eel Effect (transcript)
Bing! Bam! Boom! (transcript)

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