This is the transcript page for Return of Thor Bonecrusher, complete with full dialogues and actions.


(Scene begins with Krogan speaking to Viggo, who has his back turnd to the camera.)

Krogan: You're a hard man to find. And, harder to kill, apparently.

Viggo: What do you want from me?

Krogan: That's the wrong question. The real question is, what can we do for each other? Allow me to fill you in on what's transpiring as we speak, hm?

(Scene switches to Snotlout flying along on Hookfang, doing a perimeter check of Dragon's Edge. He spys what appears to be two viking women with long blonde plaits, arriving in a rowing boat.)

Snotlout: Hm. Yeah, I see 'em, Hooky. What do we say we go introduce ourselves? Comin' in hot! (He lands next to the two "women".) Well, hello, ladies. What brings you to- HUH?! (The "women" turn around, revealing themselves to be large outcast men wearing long blonde wigs.) That is false advertisement.

Outcast Man 1: Sorry, we couldn't risk being seen.

Outcast Man 2: (twirling a plait) Besides, we rather like the look.

Snotlout: What are you Outcasts doing on Dragon's Edge?

Outcast Man 1: Alvin has been kidnapped by a group of bandits. We've tried everything to get him back, paying ransom after ransom, but nothing works and we fear for his life.

Outcast Man 2: We're desperate. We need someone with the power, strength and charisma to return our morale and our Chief. Someone like-

Outcast Man 1: Thor. Thor Bonecrusher.

Fishlegs: Whoa!

(Scene switches to the Riders having a meeting back on the Edge.)

Snotlout: I couldn't believe it either. I guess they heard of his exploits on Berk, his "heroic acts of unparalleled bravery," and are convinced that he's the only one who can go up against these bandits. No way.

Hiccup: They don't want our help?

Snotlout: Yeah. I mean, they won't risk bringing in dragon riders, because these bandits seem to be on edge. Hair trigger stuff. They might just see us and kill Alvin on the spot.

Tuffnut: Heh.

Snotlout: They got 'em pretty freaked out. But there is one brave man who could really rally those Outcasts and run point in getting Alvin back. Big props to TB.

Tuffnut: What?

Hiccup: Oh, for Thor's sake.

Fishlegs: (nervously) Well, I think if they need Thor Bonecrusher, we should call on him, right?

Snotlout: Great idea, Fishface!

Hiccup: Terrible idea, Snotlout! Bringing Thor back is way too dangerous. For you included.

Snotlout: Stop it. He was fine. In fact, he was perfect.

Hiccup: He almost got you killed.

Fishlegs: (indignantly) Are you saying I'm not brave enough? Not powerful enough? That I can't do this, Hiccup?

Snotlout: (Backing him up delightedly) Oh, yeah? Is that what you're saying about my boy?

Hiccup: I'm saying, Fishlegs, that you don't even know Thor Bonecrusher. He took you over. Sure, he was brave and awesome. But, he was almost too heroic. He was reckless and out of control. You just aren't that guy in your core.l figure something else out. But no Thor Bonecrusher for now.

(Scene switches to Snotlout's hut, that evening. Snotlout is applying Monstrous Nightmare Gel to his face and arms.)

Fishlegs: So, you do this every night? I, uh, had no idea.

Snotlout: (delicately) There are sides to the Snotman, my fine fishy friend. The Snot can be bold and bad. The Snot can be brash and courageous. And the Snot can be tender and insightful. Now, on to what you're really here about. You want to know about Thor Bonecrusher.

Fishlegs: I do. I do.

Snolout: Well, sit back while I tell you a story. A story of bravery, chivalry, and just a hint of insanity.

(Scene becomes a movie-like flashback of Thor Bonecrusher's previous exploits as told by Snotlout, switching in between shots of Thor, Snotlout acting them out, and Fishlegs' recations.)

Thor Bonecrusher:  The name's Bonecrusher. Thor Bonecrusher. (Perfoms a series of barrel rolls and flips, and other daring exploits with people cheering, then prepares to excecute a Scauldron. Scene fades to Snotlout, having performed Thor's actions, preparing to excecute a teddy bear with an axe.)

Fishlegs: Wow. He sounds so awesome.

Snotlout: Thor is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Fishlegs: Okay, let's just say-

Snotlout: We hypnotize you? Great idea!

Fishlegs: Wait a minute, Snotlout. Hiccup is right. I don't know Thor Bonecrusher. I don't remember a thing about him. Shouldn't we get Gothi?

Snotlout: I got this, okay? I know Thor better than that old bag. Bam!

Fishlegs: Okay. But, wait, wait, wait, wait! This time when I get hypnotized, add in that Thor loves Meatlug, because it'd kill me if I pushed her away again.

Snotlout: Loves Meatlug. Got it.

Fishlegs: And there should be an easy way to snap me out of it, like, uh, you clapping three times.

Snotlout: Thrice clap. Check-a-roo.

Fishlegs: Finally, just as a safety measure, make sure I'm not as heroic as last time, you know? I think that's what really concerned Hiccup.

Snotlout: Got you, my bone-crushing brother. Trust. Have faith. Believe. And watch the ball.

Fishlegs: I don't know, Snotlout. Can you really- (falls aspleep instantaneously)

Snotlout: I did it? I did it! Now, what did we agree to? Okay. Okay, okay, okay. This is gonna be so fun! (Whispering tantalizingly) Tho-o-oor. Thor Bonecrusher. We need you, Thor. We need you to be strong. (Fishlegs makes a grunt of appreciation in his sleep.)  Brave. Powerful. Charismatic. Right. Right, right. You shall love Meatlug. You shall wake when the Snot claps three times. You shall- Uh. Will you stop? I got it. Jeez! Okay. You won't be so heroic like last time. You'll be, I dunno, what's it called? Anti-heroic. Anti-heroic! You'll be anti-heroic Thor. I think that's it. Okay, on my snap. Come out, come out where ever you are, Thor Bonecrusher.

(Fishlegs awakes, as Thor Bonecrusher, and immediately leaps to Meatlug's side.)

Thor Bonecrusher: Well, hello. And so good to see you, Meatlug, my love.

Snotlout: I've missed you so much. (Scene pans to the Riders on Outcast Island, with Thor performing antics for them.) That's right, Outcasts! Give it up for, Mr. Thor Bonecrusher!

Thor Bonecrusher: Ha, ha! Easy as pie!

Outcast Man 1: Whoo! It's a flippin' flaming axe!

Thor Bonecrusher: I love me.

Outcast Man 2: Oof!

Outcast Man 3: Oh, wha- Thank Thor. Literally. There's another ransom due today.

Thor Bonecrusher: Tell me about said ransom. Show me what these no-good doers are attempting to extract from you wholesome Outcasts. Now, do explain, kind people.

Outcast Man 3: We offered gold, Mr. Thor. But they only wanted this Ice Tail Pike. They were very specific. It is rare and indigenous to Outcast Island.

Thor Bonecrusher: Hm. The love of this tasty little fish will be the demise of these bandits. Mm. And I have just the plan. Ooh! Bandits. Now, remember, brave soldiers. You must stay still. Once the wagon has been taken to their holding station, jump out and fire into the air.

Outcast Man: Aye.

Thor Bonecrusher: Thor shall appear and do what Thor does so well.

Snotlout: What do I do, TB? What do I do? Right. Hang back. Ready for action. Got it. He's so cool.

Thor Bonecrusher: It is as you asked. Ice Tail Pike in exchange for the leader of the Outcast tribe. Where is Alvin? Not with you, I'm guessing?

Jarg: And who are you?

Thor Bonecrusher: Who am I? Who am I?

Outcast Man: Who is he?

Thor Bonecrusher: I'm the answer to your prayers.

Jarg: And what prayers would those be?

Thor Bonecrusher: Wait a minute! I see something moving under that fish pile.

Snotlout: Huh?

Thor Bonecrusher: I saw this man planning it all!

Snotlout: What? Who? Me?

Jarg: Seize them!

Snotlout: Ow! Oh, no!

Thor Bonecrusher: Aw. What is it? Scared? Broken hearted? You poor, naive little man.

Snotlout: But you're Thor Bonecrusher. You're a hero. I created you. I loved you.

Thor Bonecrusher: Love, hate. Hero, anti-hero. They all exist across a razor's edge. This is the Thor Bonecrusher that is here now. This is the Thor Bonecrusher reborn!

Hiccup: When you hypnotized him, what?

Snotlout: Well, he wanted to make sure that he loved Meatlug, and he didn't want to be as heroic as last time, so he'd be, I don't know, safer or something like that.

The Twins: And?

Snotlout: Well, I think I messed up and told him not to be heroic at all.

Hiccup: Well, that's good. Means he can't get in that much trouble.

Tuffnut: Or he's un-heroic.

Ruffnut: As in anti-heroic.

Tuffnut: As in, the anti-Thor!

Snotlout: Oh. That's actually what I said. Anti-heroic.

Hiccup: Snotlout!

Snotlout: What? It sounded so good at the time.

Hiccup: Oh, Gods. So, where is he?

Snotlout: Okay, don't get mad, but he double crossed me and joined the bandits. And they still have Alvin.

Astrid: Great. So now we have to rescue both of them.

Snotlout: Uh-huh.

Jarg: So. Bonecrusher, you say?

Thor Bonecrusher: Did I stutter?

Jarg: You know, you look exactly like one of those dragon riders. The stocky one. Fishlegs.

Thor Bonecrusher: Fishlegs. Fish, legs. Can your Fishlegs do this? Or this? You may applaud now.

Crowd: Thor Bonecrusher!

Thor Bonecrusher: Ah, this never gets old.

Crowd: Thor! Thor! Thor!

Thor Bonecrusher: You know what? I'm having so much fun here, instead of simply joining your ranks, I'm going to lead them. Now, the first order of business. We need to get ready for some unwanted guests.

Hiccup: Toothless.

Astrid: I thought no one knew we were coming.

Hiccup: Toothless!

Thor Bonecrusher: The water. Cover the water! It's their only way out. Woah!

Hiccup: He knew we'd try to sneak in this way.

Snotlout: Keep going, Hookie. If I can get close enough to him, I can clap- Oh, boy. Huh? Uh-huh. Three, four, five Thors. Must clap hands.

Tuffnut: We had an Uncle Dullnutt who used to do that. We could watch him for hours! Whoa! Stop! Stop!

Thor Bonecrusher: Child's play.

Hiccup: Come on, Fishlegs.

Snotlout: No, Hiccup. It has to be me.

Hiccup: Oh, no!

Thor Bonecrusher: Onward, Snotman. Destiny awaits.

Hiccup: Guys, the water! Now! We'll come back for him!

Tuffnut: Yeah.

Snotlout: Uh. Ow. My head. Huh? Alvin? Huh? Uh?

Alvin: I see you guys have made quite the improvement to your rescuing over the years.

Snotlout: Hm.

Thor Bonecrusher: Well, hello, little man. I do hope these accommodations are to your liking.

Snotlout: Come on, Thor. It's me. Your buddy. Huh!

Thor Bonecrusher: What is Hiccup's next plan? Reinforcements from Berk? Help from the Defenders of the Wing? And that clapping. What was that? Some sort of dragon-related signal? Tell me!

Snotlout: Ow!

Dragon Hunter: Sir, the men are all assembled. Just like you asked.

Thor Bonecrusher: I'm instituting a little change in our operation. From now on, we will be taking gold from these Outcasts. Not fish.

Dragon Hunter: What?

Thor Bonecrusher: What's the problem? With gold you can buy all the fish you can carry.

Jarg: But not this fish. We've been charged with procuring as much of this specific Ice Tail Pike as possible. And our leader, he's someone to be feared if crossed. We have but one wagon load left and then we return with our bounty.

Thor Bonecrusher: And the hostages?

Jarg: We are to toss them overboard. No loose ends.

Thor Bonecrusher: Ah. I like the way he thinks. If it's Pike fish he wants, then it's Pike fish he shall receive. But Thor Bonecrusher will deliver it personally. He needs to meet this leader of yours.

Outcast Man: We need Alvin now! Bring us Alvin!

Hiccup: We will get Alvin back. And we will defeat this group of bandits. We just need a little more time.

Astrid: We found them. With all that fish, I could almost track them myself. They followed the caves to the other side of the island. Definitely accessible from the outside. But how are we going to defeat an enemy who knows all of our tactics?

Hiccup: We need to try something completely unexpected and out of the box. Something Fishlegs would not expect.

Dragon Hunter: Dragon rider. Better get Thor.

Hiccup: I come in peace, Fishlegs, uhh... Thor. I even brought an offering.

Thor Bonecrusher: Thank you. I appreciate the third hostage.

Astrid: Sorry. But you only have two. Look! Astrid doing something nice for Snotlout. Bet you didn't see that coming.

Thor Bonecrusher: Seize them!

Hiccup: Toothless! Now, bud!

Snotlout: Wow

Astrid: Snotlout!

Fishlegs: Snotlout, you're here!

Snotlout: Fishface!

Hiccup: No!

Fishlegs: Nice try, Hiccup. Now, back off! All of you! Or I will run him through!

Snotlout: No! No! Ow! Aw. This is getting old. Why didn't the clapping work?

Fishlegs: We aren't leaving just yet, men.

Jarg: It's way too dangerous, Thor. Now with the dragon riders on to us.

Fishlegs: We lost a bit of bounty in that skirmish. We don't have the requisite amount of fish necessary to appease your leader. One more handsome ransom, and then we go. And we'll add in a little bonus. What would your boss say to some dragon rider dragons? Go, dragon! Go tell the others we are waiting for them!

Astrid: Hiccup, what do we do now?

Hiccup: Firing on Thor is firing on Fishlegs.

Astrid: But what if we can't snap him out of it? He doesn't even know he's Fishlegs.

Tuffnut: Meatlug does.

Astrid: Tuffnut, Meatlug doesn't help us right now.

Tuffnut: Then, should I just take her back to the Edge? Bing!

Astrid: What?

Hiccup: Huh. Well, at least now we know what we have to do.

Astrid: I don't know about just walking into this, Hiccup.

Hiccup: They think they have the element of surprise, but it's the other way around. This is where the lookouts should be positioned.

Astrid: Hiccup, we don't even know who this came from.

Hiccup: On my mark. And-

Snotlout: It's a trap! It's a trap!

Hiccup: Run, Toothless!

Astrid: And there goes the element of surprise.

Hiccup: Now! Give 'em everything you got!

Fishlegs: Let me at him! Hey, watch it, Hookfang!

Snotlout: Fishface? Fishface!

Fishlegs: No time to explain. We gotta free Alvin. Whoa!

Snotlout: No! Oh, no!

Jarg: Hey, you.

Fishlegs: Whoa!

Snotlout: Snotlout! No!

Fishlegs: Snotlout!

Snotlout: Whoa.

Fishlegs:' Ha, ha!

Hiccup: Fishlegs?

Fishlegs: Whoo! Meatlug!

Alvin: Come here!

Fishlegs: I tried to get them to tell me who they worked for, but they were tight lipped.

Alvin: Don't you worry. They will. I have a few old school techniques I'd love to dust off that will pry those lips apart in no time.

Snotlout: Okay. I'm so confused. Did the clapping work or not?

Fishlegs: It did. But if I let them know in that moment that I wasn't Thor, they'd have taken off with the bounty and made you and Alvin shark feed.

Snotlout: Wow. So, it was Fishface who saved us, and not Thor? Did not see that one coming.

Hiccup: That was a crazy risk, Fishlegs. But it proves I was wrong. In your core, you do have a lot of Thor Bonecrusher.

Fishlegs: I'd like to think it's the other way around, Hiccup. Aww.

Tuffnut: Group hug!

Snotlout: So many arms!

Tuffnut: Look at all of us together!

Hiccup: What's up?

Astrid: Well, the question still remains, Hiccup. What did the dragon hunters want with these fish?

Jarg: So, you see, Krogan, sir, it was impossible to have seen what was coming.

Krogan: Impossible, you say? And what say you?

Viggo: There'll be a setback. The Ice Tail Pike are essential to our training program. Unlike this gentleman. Failures have no place in my army. The bar must remain at its highest. I'd throw him down a Whispering Death hole. But that's just me.

Krogan: Relax, Jarg. There will be no Whispering Death hole for you. If I did that, I wouldn't get to see you suffer. Then that would take the fun out of it.

Jarg: No! Come on. No! No, no!

Krogan: Now, Viggo, how do you plan to withstand the extreme heat? That wasn't so kind to you last time.

Viggo: I was just assessing that myself. I have some thoughts.

A Matter of Perspective (transcript)
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Dawn of Destruction (transcript)

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