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This is the transcript page for Return of Thor Bonecrusher, complete with full dialogues and actions.


Transcript

(Scene begins with Krogan speaking to Viggo, who has his back turnd to the camera.)

Krogan: You're a hard man to find. And, harder to kill, apparently.

Viggo: What do you want from me?

Krogan: That's the wrong question. The real question is, what can we do for each other? Allow me to fill you in on what's transpiring as we speak, hm?

(Scene switches to Snotlout flying along on Hookfang, doing a perimeter check of Dragon's Edge. He spys what appears to be two viking women with long blonde plaits, arriving in a rowing boat.)

Snotlout: Hm. Yeah, I see 'em, Hooky. What do we say we go introduce ourselves? Comin' in hot! (He lands next to the two "women".) Well, hello, ladies. What brings you to- HUH?! (The "women" turn around, revealing themselves to be large outcast men wearing long blonde wigs.) That is false advertisement.

Outcast Man 1: Sorry, we couldn't risk being seen.

Outcast Man 2: (twirling a plait) Besides, we rather like the look.

Snotlout: What are you Outcasts doing on Dragon's Edge?

Outcast Man 1: Alvin has been kidnapped by a group of bandits. We've tried everything to get him back, paying ransom after ransom, but nothing works and we fear for his life.

Outcast Man 2: We're desperate. We need someone with the power, strength and charisma to return our morale and our Chief. Someone like-

Outcast Man 1: Thor. Thor Bonecrusher.

Fishlegs: Whoa!

(Scene switches to the Riders having a meeting back on the Edge.)

Snotlout: I couldn't believe it either. I guess they heard of his exploits on Berk, his "heroic acts of unparalleled bravery," and are convinced that he's the only one who can go up against these bandits. No way.

Hiccup: They don't want our help?

Snotlout: Yeah. I mean, they won't risk bringing in dragon riders, because these bandits seem to be on edge. Hair trigger stuff. They might just see us and kill Alvin on the spot.

Tuffnut: Heh.

Snotlout: They got 'em pretty freaked out. But there is one brave man who could really rally those Outcasts and run point in getting Alvin back. Big props to TB.

Tuffnut: What?

Hiccup: Oh, for Thor's sake.

Fishlegs: (nervously) Well, I think if they need Thor Bonecrusher, we should call on him, right?

Snotlout: Great idea, Fishface!

Hiccup: Terrible idea, Snotlout! Bringing Thor back is way too dangerous. For you included.

Snotlout: Stop it. He was fine. In fact, he was perfect.

Hiccup: He almost got you killed.

Fishlegs: (indignantly) Are you saying I'm not brave enough? Not powerful enough? That I can't do this, Hiccup?

Snotlout: (Backing him up delightedly) Oh, yeah? Is that what you're saying about my boy?

Hiccup: I'm saying, Fishlegs, that you don't even know Thor Bonecrusher. He took you over. Sure, he was brave and awesome. But, he was almost too heroic. He was reckless and out of control. You just aren't that guy in your core.l figure something else out. But no Thor Bonecrusher for now.

(Scene switches to Snotlout's hut, that evening. Snotlout is applying Monstrous Nightmare Gel to his face and arms.)

Fishlegs: So, you do this every night? I, uh, had no idea.

Snotlout: (delicately) There are sides to the Snotman, my fine fishy friend. The Snot can be bold and bad. The Snot can be brash and courageous. And the Snot can be tender and insightful. Now, on to what you're really here about. You want to know about Thor Bonecrusher.

Fishlegs: I do. I do.

Snolout: Well, sit back while I tell you a story. A story of bravery, chivalry, and just a hint of insanity.

(Scene becomes a movie-like flashback of Thor Bonecrusher's previous exploits as told by Snotlout, switching in between shots of Thor, Snotlout acting them out, and Fishlegs' recations.)

Thor Bonecrusher:  The name's Bonecrusher. Thor Bonecrusher. (Perfoms a series of barrel rolls and flips, and other daring exploits with people cheering, then prepares to excecute a Scauldron. Scene fades to Snotlout, having performed Thor's actions, preparing to excecute a teddy bear with an axe.)

Fishlegs: Wow. He sounds so awesome.

Snotlout: Thor is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Fishlegs: Okay, let's just say-

Snotlout: We hypnotize you? Great idea!

Fishlegs: Wait a minute, Snotlout. Hiccup is right. I don't know Thor Bonecrusher. I don't remember a thing about him. Shouldn't we get Gothi?

Snotlout: I got this, okay? I know Thor better than that old bag. Bam!

Fishlegs: Okay. But, wait, wait, wait, wait! This time when I get hypnotized, add in that Thor loves Meatlug, because it'd kill me if I pushed her away again.

Snotlout: Loves Meatlug. Got it.

Fishlegs: And there should be an easy way to snap me out of it, like, uh, you clapping three times.

Snotlout: Thrice clap. Check-a-roo.

Fishlegs: Finally, just as a safety measure, make sure I'm not as heroic as last time, you know? I think that's what really concerned Hiccup.

Snotlout: Got you, my bone-crushing brother. Trust. Have faith. Believe. And watch the ball.

Fishlegs: I don't know, Snotlout. Can you really- (falls aspleep instantaneously)

Snotlout: I did it? I did it! Now, what did we agree to? Okay. Okay, okay, okay. This is gonna be so fun! (Whispering tantalizingly) Tho-o-oor. Thor Bonecrusher. We need you, Thor. We need you to be strong. (Fishlegs makes a grunt of appreciation in his sleep.)  Brave. Powerful. Charismatic. Right. Right, right. You shall love Meatlug. You shall wake when the Snot claps three times. You shall- Uh. Will you stop? I got it. Jeez! Okay. You won't be so heroic like last time. You'll be, I dunno, what's it called? Anti-heroic. Anti-heroic! You'll be anti-heroic Thor. I think that's it. Okay, on my snap. Come out, come out where ever you are, Thor Bonecrusher.

(Fishlegs awakes, as Thor Bonecrusher, and immediately leaps to Meatlug's side.)

Thor Bonecrusher: Well, hello. And so good to see you, Meatlug, my love.

Snotlout: I've missed you so much. (Scene pans to the Riders on Outcast Island, with Thor performing antics for them.) That's right, Outcasts! Give it up for, Mr. Thor Bonecrusher!

Thor Bonecrusher: Ha, ha! Easy as pie!

Outcast Man 1: Whoo! It's a flippin' flaming axe!

Thor Bonecrusher: I love me.

(Thor Bonecrusher gives them high fives, he belly bops one of the outcasts)

Outcast Man 2: Oof!

(Thor Bonecrusher points back, signals "I'm watching you." with his fingers and winks)

Outcast Man 3: Oh, wha- Thank Thor. Literally. There's another ransom due today.

Thor Bonecrusher: Tell me about said ransom. Show me what these no-good doers are attempting to extract from you wholesome Outcasts. Now, do explain, kind people.

(An outcast arrives with a cart covered with a cloth and pull out to reveal fish, Snoutlout laughs, Bonecrusher cracks neck and gets knocked out)

Outcast Man 3: We offered gold, Mr. Thor. But they only wanted this Ice Tail Pike. They were very specific. It is rare and indigenous to Outcast Island.

Thor Bonecrusher: Hm. The love of this tasty little fish will be the demise of these bandits. Mm. And I have just the plan. Ooh! Bandits. Now, remember, brave soldiers. You must stay still. Once the wagon has been taken to their holding station, jump out and fire into the air.

(Thor Bonecrusher grabs a fish and takes a bite out of it, the Outcasts feel disgusted, Thor Bonecrusher finishes the fish, he spots bandits, Snoutlout, Meatlug, and outcast soldiers stay behind from the rock, two of them hide from the cart, Thor Bonecrusher runs to them)

Outcast Man: Aye.

Thor Bonecrusher: Thor shall appear and do what Thor does so well.

Snotlout: What do I do, TB? What do I do? Right. Hang back. Ready for action. Got it. He's so cool.

(He hits Snotlout's neck and falls to the ground, he runs to a Jarg)

Outcast Man: Meh.

(He walks up to Jarg, the Dragon hunters ready to aim them with bows and arrows)

Thor Bonecrusher: It is as you asked. Ice Tail Pike in exchange for the leader of the Outcast tribe. Where is Alvin? Not with you, I'm guessing?

Jarg: And who are you?

Thor Bonecrusher: Who am I? Who am I?

(Snotlout appears from behind and laughs)

Outcast Man: Who is he?

Thor Bonecrusher: I'm the answer to your prayers.

Jarg: And what prayers would those be?

Thor Bonecrusher: Wait a minute! I see something moving under that fish pile.

Snotlout: Huh?

(Thor Bonecrusher points to Snotlout)

Thor Bonecrusher: I saw this man planning it all!

Snotlout: What? Who? Me?

Jarg: Seize them!

(The dragon hunters go after Snotlout, Jarg grabs Snotlout)

Snotlout: Ow! Oh, no!

(The dragon hunters go to the cart and grabs each fish)

Thor Bonecrusher: Aw. What is it? Scared? Broken hearted? You poor, naive little man.

Snotlout: But you're Thor Bonecrusher. You're a hero. I created you. I loved you.

(Snotlout tears)

Thor Bonecrusher: Love, hate. Hero, anti-hero. They all exist across a razor's edge. This is the Thor Bonecrusher that is here now. This is the Thor Bonecrusher reborn! (laughs maniacally)

(The dragon hunters takes the cart)

(Back at Dragons' Edge)

Hiccup: When you hypnotized him, what?

Snotlout: Well, he wanted to make sure that he loved Meatlug, and he didn't want to be as heroic as last time, so he'd be, I don't know, safer or something like that.

The Twins: And?

Snotlout: Well, I think I messed up and told him not to be heroic at all.

Hiccup: Well, that's good. Means he can't get in that much trouble.

(Tuffnut jumps in)

Tuffnut: Or he's un-heroic.

Ruffnut: As in anti-heroic.

Tuffnut: (points to his sister) As in, the anti-Thor!

Snotlout: Oh. That's actually what I said. Anti-heroic.

Hiccup: Snotlout!

Snotlout: What? It sounded so good at the time.

Hiccup: Oh, Gods. (sighs) So, where is he?

Snotlout: Okay, don't get mad, but he double crossed me and joined the bandits. (winces) And they still have Alvin.

(Hiccup sighs with frustration off-screen)

Astrid: Great. So now we have to rescue both of them.

Snotlout: Uh-huh.

(Back at Outcast Island, Jarg interrogates Fishlegs)

Jarg: So. Bonecrusher, you say?

Thor Bonecrusher: Did I stutter?

Jarg: You know, you look exactly like one of those dragon riders. The stocky one. Fishlegs.

Thor Bonecrusher: Fishlegs. Fish, legs. Can your Fishlegs do this? Or this? You may applaud now.

(Thor Bonecrusher picks Jarg up and twirls him and tosses him, Jarg lands on the ground, Thor Bonecrusher puts one foot on his stomach, Dragon hunters look confused and claps)

Crowd: Thor Bonecrusher!

Thor Bonecrusher: Ah, this never gets old.

(He high fives the hunters and does a summersault)

Crowd: Thor! Thor! Thor!

Thor Bonecrusher: You know what? I'm having so much fun here, instead of simply joining your ranks, I'm going to lead them. Now, the first order of business. We need to get ready for some unwanted guests.

(At night, The dragon riders fly to Outcast Island to find Fishlegs)

Hiccup: Toothless.

(Toothless blows a plasma blast at Outcast Island to locate him, they go underwater and arrive at the cave)

Astrid: (whispering) I thought no one knew we were coming.

(arrows aimed at them, Astrid and Stormfly along with Meatlug evade from the attack, a Net catches the twins and Barf and Belch)

Hiccup: Toothless!

(Dragon hunters aim with arrows and crossbows, they evade and dodge from arrows)

Thor Bonecrusher: The water. Cover the water! It's their only way out. Woah!

Hiccup: He knew we'd try to sneak in this way.

Snotlout: Keep going, Hookie. If I can get close enough to him, I can clap- Oh, boy. Huh? Uh-huh. Three, four, five Thors. Must clap hands.

(Snotlout retches and hits a rock and falls down on the sand, A POV of his eyes looking strange, he tries to break the trance with his hands, but were useless and slaps his face, the twins escape from the net)

Tuffnut: We had an Uncle Dullnutt who used to do that. We could watch him for hours! Whoa! Stop! Stop!

(Arrows fired, Tuffnut evade and gets on Belch's head and leaves)

Thor Bonecrusher: Child's play.

(Hiccup claps to wake Fishlegs up)

Hiccup: Come on, Fishlegs.

Snotlout: (weakly) No, Hiccup. It has to be me.

(He tries to clap to wake him up, Fishlegs grabs Snotlout's right foot upside down, he tosses a bola to Hiccup)

Hiccup: Oh, no!

(Hiccup evades the ebola and flees away along with the riders)

Thor Bonecrusher: Onward, Snotman. Destiny awaits.

(Thor Bonecrusher takes Snotlout away, the dragon hunter prepare to aim at Hiccup and Toothless with a net, arrows fired as he dodges them)

Hiccup: Guys, the water! Now! We'll come back for him!

(Hookfang breathes fire at the hunters as they flee, Stormfly fires at one of the dragon hunters, Astrid and Stormfly go underwater, a net lands on the water, a dragon hunter aims Hookfang and Meatlug, they evade from the net)

Tuffnut: Yeah.

(The twins go underwater as they evade from the net, Toothless dodged arrows being fired before nets were launched, they underwater as nets were fired before the scene blacks out)

(The scene transitions to a closeup of Snotlout's eyes, he spots Alvin the Treacherous imprisoned at his cell)

Snotlout: Uh. Ow. My head. Huh? Alvin? Huh? Uh?

(Snotlout has his hands and feet bound by rope, upside down in his cell)

Alvin: I see you guys have made quite the improvement to your rescuing over the years.

Snotlout: Hm.

(Snotlout struggles to free himself from his binds, a door opens, Thor Bonecrusher approaches to his prisoner)

Thor Bonecrusher: Well, hello, little man. I do hope these accommodations are to your liking.

Snotlout: Come on, Thor. It's me. Your buddy. Huh!

(Thor Bonecrusher grabs Snotlout's head and threatens him)

Thor Bonecrusher: What is Hiccup's next plan? Reinforcements from Berk? Help from the Defenders of the Wing? And that clapping. What was that? Some sort of dragon-related signal? Tell me!

(He slaps him in the face)

Snotlout: Ow!

Dragon Hunter: Sir, the men are all assembled. Just like you asked.

(He pushes him dangling as he screams, he approaches to the hunters)

Thor Bonecrusher: I'm instituting a little change in our operation. From now on, we will be taking gold from these Outcasts. Not fish.

(The hunters exaggerate with confusion)

Dragon Hunter: What?

Thor Bonecrusher: What's the problem? With gold you can buy all the fish you can carry.

Jarg: But not this fish. We've been charged with procuring as much of this specific Ice Tail Pike as possible. (Jarg grabs a fish from the cart) And our leader, he's someone to be feared if crossed. We have but one wagon load left and then we return with our bounty.

Thor Bonecrusher: And the hostages?

Jarg: We are to toss them overboard. No loose ends.

Thor Bonecrusher: Ah. I like the way he thinks. If it's Pike fish he wants, then it's Pike fish he shall receive. But Thor Bonecrusher will deliver it personally. He needs to meet this leader of yours.

(Outside, all of the Outcast soldiers gather around in front of Hiccup and the gang)

Outcast Man: We need Alvin now! Bring us Alvin!

Hiccup: We will get Alvin back. And we will defeat this group of bandits. We just need a little more time.

(Astrid arrives)

Astrid: We found them. With all that fish, I could almost track them myself. They followed the caves to the other side of the island. Definitely accessible from the outside. But how are we going to defeat an enemy who knows all of our tactics?

Hiccup: We need to try something completely unexpected and out of the box. Something Fishlegs would not expect.

(Meanwhile, the hunters held Snotlout captive as he groans, a dragon hunter spots Hiccup with a flag and Meatlug from the distance)

Dragon Hunter: Dragon rider. Better get Thor.

(The scene transitions Hiccup waiting for Thor Bonecrusher)

Hiccup: I come in peace, Fishlegs, (Stammering) uhh... Thor. I even brought an offering.

(Meatlug approaches from the bolder as Fishlegs noticed him and hugs him)

Thor Bonecrusher: Thank you. I appreciate the third hostage.

Astrid: Sorry. But you only have two. (Cuts to knocked out soldiers as Astrid has Snotlout) Look! Astrid doing something nice for Snotlout. Bet you didn't see that coming.

(Stormfly roars)

Thor Bonecrusher: Seize them!

(The dragon hunters charge at them)

Hiccup: Toothless! Now, bud!

(Toothless blows out plasma blast at the cart, explodes and fish land on the hunters, another plasma blast knocks the hunters out of the way, Hiccups and Thor face a standoff, he leaves as Toothless does a plasma blast, he dodges as Snotlout watches)

Snotlout: Wow

Astrid: Snotlout!

(Astrid frees him, but Thor Bonecrusher attempts to pounce on him, he dodges and claps to wake him up, he lands and tries to regain as a good heroic character, he turns to Snoutlout)

Fishlegs: Snotlout, you're here!

Snotlout: Fishface!

(They hug, he threatens him with a sword after it didn't work as Snotlout screams)

Hiccup: No!

Fishlegs: Nice try, Hiccup. Now, back off! All of you! Or I will run him through!

(They flee away, cuts to Thor Bonecrusher pushing Snotlout to his cell with hands tied in front with rope)

Snotlout: No! No! Ow! Aw. This is getting old. Why didn't the clapping work?

(Cuts to the dragon hunters preparing for a ransom plan)

Fishlegs: We aren't leaving just yet, men.

Jarg: It's way too dangerous, Thor. Now with the dragon riders on to us.

Fishlegs: We lost a bit of bounty in that skirmish. We don't have the requisite amount of fish necessary to appease your leader. One more handsome ransom, and then we go. And we'll add in a little bonus. What would your boss say to some dragon rider dragons? Go, dragon! Go tell the others we are waiting for them!

(Meatlug flys away with a ransom map, cuts back to Hiccstrid landing after fleeing from the hunters)

Astrid: Hiccup, what do we do now?

Hiccup: Firing on Thor is firing on Fishlegs.

Astrid: But what if we can't snap him out of it? He doesn't even know he's Fishlegs.

Tuffnut: Meatlug does.

Astrid: Tuffnut, Meatlug doesn't help us right now.

Tuffnut: Then, should I just take her back to the Edge? Bing!

(Meatlug arrives, lands, Hiccup grabs a map attached to Fishlegs and reads it)

Astrid: What?

Hiccup: Huh. Well, at least now we know what we have to do.

(Transitions to the next scene where Thor Bonecrusher waits for the supplies, Snotlout struggles and strains, Jarg uses his sword to hold him, trappers, ready with bows and arrows, Hiccup walks with a cart of fish)

Astrid: I don't know about just walking into this, Hiccup.

Hiccup: They think they have the element of surprise, but it's the other way around. This is where the lookouts should be positioned.

(He grabs a map of the plan and gives it to Astrid, she gasps and looks at the plan)

Astrid: Hiccup, we don't even know who this came from.

(Hiccup, Astrid, Toothless and Stormfly arrive, they see Snoutlout and Alvin held captive)

Hiccup: On my mark. And-

Snotlout: It's a trap! It's a trap!

(Dragon hunters launch arrows at them)

Hiccup: (Shouting) Run, Toothless!

(They ride off, the twins run rapidly from falling arrows)

Astrid: And there goes the element of surprise.

(They ride off)

Hiccup: Now! Give 'em everything you got!

(Stormfly launches spines at the dragon hunters, fleeing and jumping from the boulder, Meatlug flies breathes out fire at them, Barf and Belch uses gas and spark to corner them)

Fishlegs: Let me at him! Hey, watch it, Hookfang!

(Thor Bonecrusher pushes Jarg away, Snotlout screams, Hookfang breathes fire to separate the two)

Snotlout: Fishface? Fishface!

(Fishlegs smiles and frees Snotlout)

Fishlegs: No time to explain. We gotta free Alvin. Whoa!

(They run to free him, but Jarg blocks him and pushes him away, they both fight and hits him away)

Snotlout: No! Oh, no!

(Jarg attempts to kill Fishlegs with his sword, he picks up a rock and tosses at him but shielding him with a sword, Fishlegs kicks him to the ground, the fighting continues)

Jarg: Hey, you.

Fishlegs: Whoa!

Snotlout: Snotlout! No!

(He approaches behind Jarg and grabs his face and throws him off)

Fishlegs: Snotlout!

(Fishlegs growls and charges at Jarg to the ground)

Snotlout: Whoa.

Fishlegs:' Ha, ha!

(Hiccup and Toothless flies to look for them)

Hiccup: Fishlegs?

(Toothless uses plasma to hit the bolder trapping the hunters to surrender as dragons cornered theme)

Fishlegs: Whoo! Meatlug!

(Fishlegs frees Alvin)

Alvin: (Hugs Fishlegs) Come here!

(Jarg runs off, switches the scene where all the dragon hunters placed in the cell)

Fishlegs: I tried to get them to tell me who they worked for, but they were tight lipped.

Alvin: Don't you worry. They will. I have a few old school techniques I'd love to dust off that will pry those lips apart in no time.

Snotlout: Okay. I'm so confused. Did the clapping work or not?

Fishlegs: It did. But if I let them know in that moment that I wasn't Thor, they'd have taken off with the bounty and made you and Alvin shark feed.

Snotlout: Wow. So, it was Fishface who saved us, and not Thor? Did not see that one coming.

Hiccup: That was a crazy risk, Fishlegs. But it proves I was wrong. In your core, you do have a lot of Thor Bonecrusher.

Fishlegs: I'd like to think it's the other way around, Hiccup. Aww.

Tuffnut: Group hug!

Snotlout: So many arms!

Tuffnut: Look at all of us together!

Hiccup: What's up?

Astrid: Well, the question still remains, Hiccup. What did the dragon hunters want with these fish?

(Hiccup breathes unsure, transitions to the next scene at the Dragon Hunter's camp)

Jarg: So, you see, Krogan, sir, it was impossible to have seen what was coming.

Krogan: Impossible, you say? And what say you?

Viggo: There'll be a setback. The Ice Tail Pike are essential to our training program. Unlike this gentleman. Failures have no place in my army. The bar must remain at its highest. I'd throw him down a Whispering Death hole. But that's just me.

Krogan: Relax, Jarg. There will be no Whispering Death hole for you. If I did that, I wouldn't get to see you suffer. Then that would take the fun out of it.

Jarg: No! Come on. No! No, no!

Krogan: Now, Viggo, how do you plan to withstand the extreme heat? That wasn't so kind to you last time.

Viggo: I was just assessing that myself. I have some thoughts.

Episode ends

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