(Scene begins with Fishlegs and Meatlug searching through the shrubbery and trees.) Fishlegs: Okay, that's 542, 43... Oh, there's one hiding under that tree trunk!
Fishlegs: I see you, little guy. You're 544. Isn't this exciting, girl? The first annual Dragon's Edge census. Once we get all these Night Terrors counted, we move on to the Gronckles. Ha ha! Maybe you'll make some new friends. (Lands on ground)
Fishlegs: Okay, there's a big flock.
(All Terrors are squealing)
Fishlegs: 575, 576... Oh, hello. (Fireworm scorches Fishlegs' paper and he screams)
Fishlegs: What is a Fireworm doing this far out? They aren't supposed to be anywhere near our island. Eh, it could have lost its way. Now where were we, Meatlug? Was it 576, or was it 675? (Fireworm lands on a bush and lights it on fire) Whoa! Whoa, whoa. (Grunts)
Fishlegs: Whew. Whoa!
(Scene changes to Fishlegs and the Riders flying above a lit forest)
Fishlegs: It began with one Fireworm, and as we were flying back, we kept seeing more and more.
Astrid: Do you think they're migrating?
Hiccup: If they were migrating, the whole island would be on fire.
Fishlegs: Not necessarily.
Snotlout: Here we go!
Fishlegs: When Fireworms migrate, they send out scouts to see if their migration route is safe. If this is a stop along that route...
Astrid: An entire flock of Fireworms could be coming through here.
Tuffnut: Well, I say bring 'em on! I love those little scorchers.
Hiccup: Are you still gonna love them when they all land here and burn our entire island to the ground?
Tuffnut: Yes! Wait, no. Wait, is that a trick question? Because it's pretty tricky.
Astrid: Fishlegs, how much time do we have?
Fishlegs: Uh, it's hard to say. If it's a full migration, the rest of them could be here as soon as next week.
Snotlout: Huh, Good to know. It's been nice knowing you, island. Snotlout is outlout!
Hiccup: We're not abandoning the island, Snotlout.
Snotlout: Uh, yeah, we are. Watch.
Hiccup: Guys, we put too much hard work into this place to just leave. Snotlout is not "outlout". We're staying. Now let's get to work.
Snotlout: Fine! But I still like my plan better.
(Scene changes to a top-view of the clubhouse)
Hiccup: Okay, Astrid, you and Fishlegs filled the watering troughs, right?
Astrid: Yep! Topped off all the barrels too.
Fishlegs: Ooh, I found a perfect cave for the Night Terrors. High enough and desolate enough so the flames won't get near them.
Hiccup: Perfect. Good job, guys. Now if the twins would finally get back, we can find out what they've done.
Snotlout: Oh, I can tell you what they've done. Zero, zip, zilch. I'm forgetting something. Oh, yeah, goose egg!
Tuffnut: On contrary, my fine fellow, we have done quite a lot actually.
Hiccup: Did you clear the brush?
Tuffnut: Uh, no.
Hiccup: Build a fire break?
Ruffnut: Nope, not that.
Astrid: How about water? Did you bring any back?
Tuffnut: Couldn't. Too busy.
Hiccup: Busy with what?!
Ruffnut: Finding something awesome.
(Scene changes to a claim stone near the edge of a cliff)
Ruffnut: Behold! We call it the Namey Rock.
Astrid: And why is that?
Tuffnut: Duh, 'cause it has our name all over it. Cool, huh?
Snotlout: Oh, yeah. I mean, no. Man, you two are completely ridiculous.
Ruffnut: Ridiculous? Perhaps. But answer me this... where's your Namey Rock?
Snotlout: (Groans in annoyance)
Ruffnut and Tuffnut: (Laugh in sync then headbutt before getting stunned for a few seconds)
Fishlegs: Uh, Hiccup, you might want to come take a closer look at this. I think it's a claim stone.
HIccup: "I, Magmar Thorston, hereby claim this island in my name and the name of all my family, present and future, forever and ever."
Tuffnut: And what else?
Hiccup: "And ever," apparently.
Tuffnut: Ha! Long-lost great Uncle Magmar! Oh, my Thor! Wasn't he the one who could pass an entire cod through one nostril?
Ruffnut: And debone it at the same time? It's really a lost art.
Tuffnut: People just don't appreciate the craftsmanship.
Snotlout: Oh, come on! That stone is a fake. It's so obvious that these two made it up.
Fishlegs: I don't think so! For one thing, everything is spelled correctly.
Snotlout: Okay, you may have a point.
Astrid: Let me get this straight. These two own this island?
Fishlegs: It would appear that way.
Tuffnut: In your face!
Ruffnut: We are so in charge of this place!
Tuffnut: Whoo-hoo! Oh, preach, sister.
Ruffnut: Well! According to this stone...
Tuffnut: That was a rhetorical preach. (Addresses Snotlout.) Hey, where are you going, subject?
Snotlout: Ha! You may be in charge of this island, but you're not in charge of me.
Tuffnut: Ah, ah! Respect the crown. Don't make us get ugly.
Snotlout: That ship sailed a long time ago.
Tuffnut: Clearly, we'll need a dungeon.
Hiccup: Okay, let's all just take a breath and calm down. The first thing we need to do is get this claim stone authenticated.
Gobber: Mm-hmm. I see.
Stoick: Well, Gobber?
Gobber: Give me a minute. (Sniffs a piece of the stone before swallowing it.) Mm-hmm. Very interesting. (Gulps.) Tastes right to me, Stoick. This claim stone is 100% authentic.
Ruffnut: Aw, yeah!
Ruffnut: 100%! No more percents to be had, folks.
Tuffnut: That's good, right?
Astrid: Uh-uh, no!
Fishlegs: What? No! No way.
Stoick: All right, that's enough. It looks like this island officially belongs... to the twins.
Tuffnut: It's our island now!
Ruffnut: We got the island. And you can't have it.
Tuffnut: We got an island! The island is ours! We don't have to do anything or take any showers.
Stoick: Ahem! As Chief of Berk, I hereby declare that under Viking law, the living heirs to Magmar Thorston are indeed entitled to full ownership of this island, with all the benefits that comes with it.
Tuffnut: Now what?
Stoick: Don't ask me. It's your island.
Tuffnut: ♪ This is our island ♪
♪ It's not your island. You cannot have it! ♪
Ruffnut: No, no, no. Ugly!
Tuffnut: ♪ Because it's ours ♪
Hiccup: No, Dad, Dad, Dad, you can't be serious. You're not leaving me with this?
Tuffnut: ♪ Because it's ours! Ours! It's our island! ♪
Stoick: Uh, yes, I am. Welcome to my world. Only now it's your world.
Gobber: (Chuckles) It's your world!
Fishlegs: Great, what do we do now? Any ideas?
Snotlout: Oh, we could always... (Makes hissing sound while sliding his thumb across his neck.) You know.
Hiccup: We're not killing the twins, Snotlout.
Astrid: Please tell me we're not giving them the island.
Hiccup: Actually, we are. We are giving them the island.
Snotlout: (Laughs as if it were a joke.) What?
Hiccup: First of all, we don't really have a choice. And second, once they find out being in charge isn't everything it's cracked up to be, and they have to deal with the Fireworm problem on their own, they will beg us to take the island back.
Astrid: And if they don't?
Tuffnut: It's our island! Man, how great is this?
(Both Ruff and Tuff grunt after headbutting)
Tuffnut: I'm fine.
Toothless: (Shakes head disapprovingly)
(View pans over to the spreading fire in the forest behind them)
(Scene quickly shows a fireworm landing on the ground before changing to Hiccup reading on Toothless)
Tuffnut: Okay, a little higher. No, no, no, to the left. Yes! No. Little to the right.
Ruffnut: Would you come on already? My entire body is going numb. Feels kinda cool.
Tuffnut: Hey, let's ask Hiccup.
Hiccup: Let's ask Hiccup what?
Tuffnut: Our new Thorstonton sign, does it need to be a little higher?
Ruffnut: Yeah, the name of our island.
Tuffnut: It came to us in a dream. That's right... same dream. It's a twin thing.
Tuffnut: You wouldn't understand. Anyway, thoughts on the sign?
Ruffnut: (Accidentally drops the sign and it breaks)
Tuffnut: You know what? Never mind. We've got more important things on the agenda today.
Hiccup: I agree. We need to keep fireproofing the island.
Tuffnut: No, no, no, that's not it. We need to give out job assignments.
Hiccup: Job assignments?
Tuffnut: Oh, we got some good ones. Come along, lad. Don't be late.
(Scene changes to the Riders in the dome)
Ruffnut: All right, Fishlegs. Says here you are now the official poet laureate of Thorstonton.
Fishlegs: Do you even know what that means?
Ruffnut: We were hoping you would! It's your job, after all.
Tuffnut: Astrid, you are the official royal brush-clearer. We don't want Thorstonton burning down, after all.
Ruffnut: Or do we?
Tuffnut: Hmm... (Grins)
Astrid: I'm not clearing brush for you two! I'm not clearing anything for you two!
Hiccup: Come on, Astrid.
Tuffnut: Oh. You'll do it. And you'll like it, little missy. Snotlout, you, my friend, have an excellent job. You, sir, are our new sergeant at arms.
Snotlout: Mm. I like the sound of that... "arms."
Tuffnut: Knew you would. All right, Hiccup. Oh, Hiccup, you are our new stable boy.
Hiccup: Stable boy?
Astrid: (Nudges him.) Come on, Hiccup.
Hiccup: (Sighs heavily)
Snotlout: So, uh, here's a question. What's a "sergeant at arms" do, anyway?
Tuffnut: You enforce the rules. If someone doesn't follow them, you make sure they do. And if things get really nasty, you show them to the fancy new dungeon and give them some yak dung tea. Got it?
Snotlout: Dungeon! I like it. Better than "stable boy."
Tuffnut: Okay, and speaking of new rules, without further "adieu"...
Ruffnut: Yeah, no more further "adieus". Anyway, rule number one: everyone must bow to your rulers when they enter the room.
Tuffnut: Rule number two: everyone must also bow to your rulers when they exit the room.
Ruffnut: Everyone must bow to your rulers when they are in the room.
Hiccup: So basically we just bow all the time?
Tuffnut: Ooh, stable boy, coming in for the big win. That deserves a bow... from you. I'm not doing any bowing.
Hiccup: (Sighs before bowing)
Tuffnut: Thank you.
Ruffnut: Next, there will be a small fee for landing your dragons on the island.
Tuffnut: And another small fee for taking off.
Ruffnut: There will be a fee for sleeping.
Tuffnut: A fee for waking up.
Ruffnut: A fee for eating.
Tuffnut: And a small fee for drinking.
Astrid: How about breathing?
Tuffnut: Good idea! Mark that down.
Ruffnut: Way ahead of you.
Tuffnut: And finally, the letter "S" has been officially removed from the alphabet. So you're going to want to avoid words like sword...
Ruffnut: Severed leg...
Tuffnut: Severed head...
Fishlegs: That's actually a "C."
Tuffnut: Uh-uh! Notlout, quiet him!
Snotlout: Notlout? Who's Notlout?
Astrid: Do you two realize that there is an "S" in the name of your island?
Tuffnut: Ilence, ubject! How dare you ay such thing?
Hiccup: Any other rules?
Tuffnut: (Fireworm flies through Tuff's paper and scuttles on the ground.) Table boy, clean that up.
Hiccup: Okay, while I'm doing this, you guys need to stay on top of this Fireworm thing. It's starting to get pretty real.
(Scene changes to Hiccup scrubbing Barf and Belch on the landing strip outside the stables)
Tuffnut: Uh, aren't you forgetting something?
Hiccup: What? Oh, right. Sorry. (Hiccup bows while sighing unwillingly)
Ruffnut: That's better.
Tuffnut: Now let's have a look at your work, table boy.
Tuffnut: Hmm, good. That's nice attention to detail.
Ruffnut: Uh, we have a problem.
Hiccup: What? What's the problem?
Hiccup: What is it?
Tuffnut: This water is lukewarm! We pecifically asked for scalding... Sorry, calding, if I'm not miskaken.
Ruffnut: Oh, you are not mitaken, brother.
Hiccup: Fine, scald... Calding it is. Toothless... Toothle... Plama blat!
Ruffnut and Tuffnut: (Both scream as the water in the bucket boils and bubbles)
Toothless: (Growls laughingly)
Tuffnut: I'm keeping an eye on you, Mr. Night Fury. My good eye.
Hiccup: Wait, are you telling me you have a bad eye?
Ruffnut: Wait, are you telling me you have a bad leg? Thought so.
Hiccup: And the weirdness continues.
(Scene changes to Astrid and Stormfly landing outside near Hiccup's hut)
Ruffnut: That's a two-mackerel landing charge, little lady.
Astrid: (Sighs in irritation before moving Stormfly forward slightly)
Ruffnut: Two more mackerel. Are you keeping track or should I?
Tuffnut: No, I got it.
Astrid: Look, I don't have any more mackerel. And if I did, I wouldn't give it to you for your dumb take-off and landing charge.
Tuffnut: Excue me. Are you calling the laws of this land dumb?
Astrid: You don't like "dumb"? How about dopey? Brainless, dimwitted, moronic. Shall I go on?
Snotlout: Coming in hot! Ergeant at arm Notlout reporting.
Tuffnut: Take this mutineer to the new dungeon, and her little dragon, too. Give her some time to think about her attitude.
Astrid: Dungeon? Are you serious?
Tuffnut: Do we look serious?
Tuffnut: You know, that's a good question. Do we?
Ruffnut: I don't know. Here, give me your best serious face. Whoa, pretty serious. Okay, what about me?
Tuffnut: Oh, yeah.
Ruffnut: Okay, we look pretty serious.
(Scene changes to the twins having a feast while Fishlegs presents to them a poem)
Fishlegs: There once was an island named Thorstonton where everybody wanted to have fun, fun, fun. We sang and we danced and we all peed our pants when the ruler came up with a great pun... pun, pun...
Tuffnut: The chicken is not amused. Notlout!
Snotlout: Ir, ye, ir, right here.
Tuffnut: To the dungeon with him.
Fishlegs: No, the chicken is wrong! The chicken is wrong!
Tuffnut: How dare you! The chicken is never wrong. (Chicken squawks again.) Shh. I'm sorry you had to hear that. That's it, quiet. There we go.
(Scene changes to a huge Fireworm flock flying over the forest as Night Terrors squeal and fly off)
Snotlout: All right, giddy up! Get back in line! Back in line!
Hiccup: Snotlout, what are you doing?
Snotlout: Never you mind, table boy. This is official Thorntontonston business. Welcome to your new home, jailbirds. (Laughs)
Hiccup: What are you in for?
Astrid: Funny. Exactly how long are you going to let this go on? Have you seen all those Fireworms?
Fishlegs: Yeah, Hiccup, the migration is picking up steam. (Meatlug farts.) Ho ho ho! She does not deal well with prison food.
Hiccup: Ugh. All right, all right, I-I'll talk to them. I'm sure I can get this all straightened out.
(Scene changes to nightfall where the twins are flying over the partly-burnt forest)
Hiccup: So you guys surveying the damage?
Tuffnut: No, we're looking for a place to build our summer palace.
Ruffnut: That might be a nice area once the fires burn the vegetation away.
Tuffnut: Any thoughts, table boy?
Hiccup: Yeah, just one. Have you considered the fact that if you throw everyone in jail, there's no one left to actually build your summer palace?
Tuffnut: We're listening.
Hiccup: And what about the Fireworm migration? Don't you think it might be a good idea to have everyone working so that we can stop Thorstonton from burning down?
Tuffnut: I see your point, but I also see something else.
Ruffnut: Oh, yeah!
Hiccup: What? What's that?
Ruffnut: Toothless is flying as fast as Barf and Belch!
Tuffnut: And by Thorstonton law...
Ruffnut: That is illegal!
(Scene changes to Hiccup inside the "dungeon")
Astrid: So what you in for?
Hiccup: Astrid, please.
'Astrid:' What? Just trying to be funny.
'Snotlout: (Grunts as he drags himself into the dungeon)
Snotlout: (Throws himself into the cell)
Astrid: (Hookfang brushes Astrid.) Hey!
Snotlout: I was framed.
Astrid: All right, that's it. We're breaking out of here.
Snotlout: Great! Then we go back to my plan. (Makes hissing sounds while sliding his thumb across his neck again)
Hiccup: Guys, guys, we're fine. There's nothing to worry about. I mean, the twins can't be that oblivious!
(View quickly changes to the twins kicking a sheep)
(Sheep cries as the twins laugh)
(Once the twins drop the sheep, it bleats then runs away)
Tuffnut: What? Whoa, check it out! Fireworm!
Ruffnut: Burns with the heat of 1,000 suns.
Tuffnut: Ah, those little guys.
Ruffnut: Oh, look, it has a little buddy!
Ruffnut: Ow! Whoa!
(A Fireworm lights the sheep on fire as it bleats then runs around wildly)
Tuffnut: No! Stop, stop! As the ruler of Thorstonton, I'm ordering the ruler's sister to do something About this Fireworm problem.
Ruffnut: What do you want me to do? I'm not the boss of them.
Tuffnut: Well, if we don't do something, they're going to burn Thorstonton to the ground.
Ruffnut: Just like Hiccup said.
Ruffnut and Tuffnut: (In sync) This is all your fault!
(Scene returns to the other Riders)
Astrid: That smoke's getting close. And where there's smoke...
Fishlegs: There's Fireworms. (Dragons growl)
Hiccup: All right, you know what? Experiment over. We are getting out there and stopping them before there's nothing left of this island.
Hiccup: Toothless, plasma blast.
Toothless: (Prepares shot)
Tuffnut: Hey, guys?
Toothless: (Sighs as smoke exits his nostrils)
Snotlout: Now's our chance. Hookfang, destroy!
Hiccup: Oh, hey, rulers! How's stuff in the old kingdom?
Astrid: Having lots of fun with all the smoke and fire?
Tuffnut: Yes. No. Okay, fine. As it turns out, we can't save Thorstonton by ourselves. So we talked about it, and we hereby decree that you can all come and help us put out the fires.
Hiccup: Ah, that's a shame, 'cause from where I sit, you guys are on your own. I mean, rules are rules, right? (Toothless purrs in agreement)
Ruffnut: You have to help us save our island! It's all we've got!
Hiccup: I don't know. Guys?
Astrid: I think you've got to stick to your guns. You make a rule, you follow it through. Otherwise it's... you know...
Fishlegs: Anarchy. I'm with them.
Tuffnut: Come on, you guys, please? Is there anything we can do? Name it, we'll do anything.
Hiccup: Well, now that you mention it, I suppose we could consider one possibility.
Ruffnut and Tuffnut: (Both hear the quickly approaching Fireworm flock.) Anything!
Tuffnut: I'll make you assistant ruler. Ruler's best pal? Second string ruler?
Hiccup: No, I have a better idea, actually. We divide the island up amongst all of us. We all own it. There's no ruler, no sister of the ruler. (Ruffnut gasps.) We're all rulers.
Tuffnut: What? That's blasphemous! You can't do that to the ruler. (Sniffs the air.) Whaaaaa! Owwww! Whaaa! Okay, you guys can have whatever you want. The island's all of ours. Just-just get these things out of here! Ow! (Groaning)
( Scene changes to the Gang flying towards the Fireworms)
Hiccup: Okay, Fishlegs, gather up all the Night Terrors and take them to the cave.
Fishlegs: On it.
Hiccup: Okay, guys, we need to redirect the Fireworms around our island and on to the next one in the chain.
Astrid: You really think it's gonna make a dent? I mean, look at them all.
Hiccup: Do you have a better idea? We don't really have a choice!
Astrid: Stormfly, fire!
Tuffnut: Come on, Barf, Belch, do it for Thorstonton! (Barf and Belch both growl)
Hiccup: Fall back! Maybe we can at least protect our base. Let's get started on building a fire break! Just keep digging, guys. The fire can't get past it if there's only dirt. Oh, I can barely see, bud. If this gets much worse, we're gonna have to bail out.
Astrid: (Coughs) What do we do now? It's getting really dangerous.
Hiccup: The cave! We'll go there and wait it out with the Night Terrors.
Fishlegs: Uh, Hiccup, you may want to come up with another plan.
Fishlegs: I couldn't find the Night Terrors. I called them till my lips almost fell off. They're gone.
Snotlout: I told you we should have bailed on this place.
Tuffnut: No, we're not bailing. This island is ours.
Tuffnut: It's all of ours. And no one burns our equally-shared island to the ground but us.
Hiccup: (Sees the Fireworm Queen approaching.) I may have to disagree with you there.
Astrid: Hiccup, is that...
Fishlegs: Fireworm Queen! If she's here, then the entire flock can't be far behind it.
Hiccup: Well, that settles it. Grab what you can. We're out of here.
Snotlout: Uh, Hiccup, that's not the Fireworm Queen.
Hiccup: The Night Terrors! They're protecting the island by forming a Fireworm Queen!
Astrid: There's not going to be anything left to protect if all of those Fireworms land here.
Hiccup: Well, we just won't let them.
Astrid: Okay, I sense a plan.
Hiccup: I'm gonna lead the Night Terrors out to sea. Hopefully the Fireworms will follow. You guys stay behind and put out these fires. Come on, bud! All right, bud, we need to get the terrors' attention and turn them out to sea. (Toothless growls.) All right, gang, let's take a little trip, shall we? Toothless, now!
Toothless: (Shoots large blast that catches the Terrors' attention)
(All Night Terrors squawk before following Toothless)
Hiccup: Yes! Nice job, bud.
Astrid: It's working!
Hiccup: There we go, bud. That island's all rock. Perfect stopover for these guys. Going down, gang! (Fireworms land on the new island as the Night Terrors dispers.) Now that is something to write about. And Fishlegs thought the Book of Dragons was finished. Ruff, Tuff, you guys did the right thing. I just hope you learned something in all this.
Tuffnut: Yeah, we sure did. Leading blow. Oh, we don't have to do the "S" thing anymore. Leading blows.
Ruffnut: Seriously blows.
Tuffnut: You know what, though? At least we have our cool claim stone to remember our glorious reign! (Meatlug eats the stone.) No respect.
Ruffnut: No respect at all.
♪ It's everyone's island! ♪ ♪ This is our island. It's everyone's island ♪
Tuffnut: Ours. It's our island!
Gone Gustav Gone (transcript)
Crushing It (transcript)