This is the transcript page for Portrait of Hiccup as a Buff Man, complete with full dialogues and actions.


Hiccup (v.o.): Measuring up to a Viking father isn't easy. Especially when that Viking father is also the Chief of your village. So, when you get a chance to prove yourself, you jump on it.

Stoick: Shoulder's back, chin up, son! This portrait's gonna hang in this hall forever.

Bucket: No good, no good, no good... I CAN'T DO THIS!

Bucket: Okay, I'm good.

Hiccup: I've never seen Bucket like this.

Stoick: Well, when he lost half his brain he suddenly became... an artist.

Hiccup: So, Bucket can actually paint?

Stoick: Oh, he's the best! He's gonna do us proud, son. This portrait is gonna take it's place along all the other Chiefs and their sons.

Stoick: That is the only picture of my father and me. It was a great day. And so is this!

Stoick: Chest out, son!

Hiccup: Yeah, this is as out as it goes, Dad.

Stoick: Ah. Very well, then.

Astrid: Look at all these great leaders. And tomorrow, your picture's going to be hanging right next to them!

Snotlout: There goes the neighborhood.

Fishlegs: You are part of an elite group now, my friend. And one of the few who wasn't killed by their successor.

Tuffnut: So far.

Hiccup: I guess it is a pretty big deal. I mean, it's like... being a part of history, right?

Snotlout: History of goof-balls. Heh-heh, what a clown.

Fishlegs: That is Hamish the First. He was our richest and most revered leader. And his son, Hamish the Second.

Snotlout: "I'm Hamish the First. Bow down before me and kiss my pointy shoes."

Fishlegs: Look what you did to the Hamishes! Forgive us, please!

Tuffnut: What's that? It's probably mine!

Snotlout Looks like some sort of map... with poetry.

Gobber: I'll take that.

Snotlout: Hey! That's my poetry map!

Gobber: All of these were supposed to be destroyed.

Astrid: Why? What's so special about it?

Gobber: Men lost their limbs, their lives, and their minds trying to find that treasure.

Fishlegs: I've heard about this! The treasure of Hamish the First. His son buried him with it and left this map. They say that the clues are so complicated that only a brilliant mind can decipher them.

Gobber: Stoick and I even went after this treasure.

Gobber: It lured us high into the mountains in a blinding snow storm. We fought like badgers over the meaning of the clues. We were lucky to make it back with our lives... and our friendship intact. For your own good kids, forget you ever saw this.

Stoick: Here it comes, son. This is our legacy.

Tuffnut: Whoa. What happened to Hiccup?

Astrid: Who cares?

Hiccup: Hey, Bucket? Wh-why am I so... like that?

Bucket: Why is the sky blue? Why do I have a bucket on me head? We'll never know the answers.

Stoick: Oh, you did a brilliant job, Bucket! Don't you think so, son?

Hiccup: But it's not me.

Stoick: Sure it is! It's you but... you know, bigger. Stronger.

Mulch: Now that's the son of a Chief.

Stoick: You see what I mean?

Hiccup: Unbelievable. My father likes that painting better than the real me! I mean, think about it. Even my name! You know it's Viking tradition to call the runt of the litter a "hiccup".

Viking: Come on, little Hiccup! Oh! Hey, Hiccup!

Hiccup: See? What do I have to do to get my father to accept me?

Astrid: He does accept you... He just accepts the painting more.

Hiccup: Wh-what are you doing out here...?

Fishlegs: Nothing! Coocoo! Coocoo!

Hiccup: Oh, gods... Okay, where are they?

Fishlegs: Who? Who-hoo! Who-hoo!

Fishlegs: Who-hoo, who-hoo!

Hiccup: What are you doing?!

Snotlout: I've got the map. We're finding that treasure! And you are a horrible look out.

Astrid: You heard what Gobber said. The bravest warriors in history have died trying to find that treasure.

Snotlout: Yeah. And I'm next.

Astrid: Well, I personally would like to live to see my next birthday.

Fishlegs: We'll be legends! They'll sing songs about us.

Astrid: You'll be dead. Come on, guys, not even Stoick could find it.

Hiccup: You're right. He couldn't...

Hiccup: Give me that map.

Astrid: Finally, someone is making sense.

Hiccup: Alright. Where do we start?

Astrid: Are you serious?

Hiccup: Think about it, Astrid. My father couldn't find that treasure. What-what would he say if I did something that even Stoick the Vast couldn't do? How great would that be?

Astrid: You're gonna go after this no matter what I say, right? So, yeah, pretty great.

Hiccup: So, you're not gonna give me a hard time about this?

Astrid: Oh, I'll give you a hard time. Every step of the way. Besides, I can't let you go with just them.

Tuffnut: Harder! I said I want to see stars. Ah...

Hiccup: It' looks like the map leads you to these spots.

Fishlegs: And the riddles are clues to what we're supposed to find!

Snotlout: Blah-blah-blah! Where's the treasure? Hmm, clue number one: "Where the land meets the sea, in the crook of the master's knee, that's where your search will be...gin."

Ruffnut: That doesn't sound so brilliant.

Tuffnut: Okay. Think, think, think, think, think. Think, think... I forgot what I was thinking about.

Hiccup: The "master's knee"? I've seen this before!

Hiccup: Look, right there, where his knee bends. It's pointing to this spot on the beach! That's where we start!

Hiccup: Listen up, you guys. "From here you will see the seed that's been sown. Look to where water turns to bone."

Snotlout: "Water turns to bone"? Hamish isn't even trying to make sense!

Hiccup: No, it-- "Water turns to bone"... "water turns to bone"... He must mean ice! The glacier!

Stoick: You had the map, and you didn't destroy it?! What were you thinking?!

Gobber: I know. I'm an idiot. I thought maybe you and I could take another crack at finding that treasure.

Stoick: Gobber!

Gobber: We turned back too early! So we lost a couple of toes.

Stoick: Ack! Come on, Gobber.

Stoick: We've got to find Hiccup and the others before they get themselves killed! Why would he do something like this?

Astrid: There's something in there.

Fishlegs: I bet that guy saw it too.

Hiccup: "Call on Magni, you'll go astray. Freya, though, will show the way."

Snotlout: I get it.

Hiccup: NO! We can't break the ice. That's what Magni means. He's the God of Strength.

Fishlegs: That's right! And Freya...

Hiccup and Fishlegs: Is the Goddess of Fire!

Hiccup: And that's exactly what we're going to use.

Hiccup: Toothless... You know what to do. Light 'em up.

Hiccup: Ow!

Ruffnut: That's it? This is the treasure?

Hiccup: No. Can't be. But I bet this will lead us to it.

Tuffnut: Take us to the treasure!

Astrid: Let me know if it answers.

Hiccup: This is just the first piece.

Hiccup: Whoa! WHOA! TOOTHLESS!!

Gobber: Night Fury prints. They were here... about an hour ago.

Stoick: I'll never understand how you do that. What does an hour ago smell like, Gobber?

Gobber: Not as strong as a half hour ago.

Stoick: Look! The kids must have found something up there.

Gobber: It was in the glacier! I knew it!

Stoick: Oh, ya knew it, did ya? Then how come we spent a week digging in the sand?!

Gobber: That was your idea!

Stoick: Hiccup got further in one afternoon than we got in a month.

Gobber: Yeah. Looks like the little Hiccup's got the best of us. And we think we're the big, strong Vikings.

Stoick: What are you saying, Gobber?

Gobber: Stoick, it's the painting.

Stoick: Of course! He's trying to prove himself.

Hiccup: At the edge of the world, amidst the raging sea, in the serpent's mouth, lies another key."

Tuffnut: Serpents? I hate serpents. Those are reptiles, right?

Ruffnut: You do realize you're sitting on one?

Tuffnut: Eugh!

Snotlout: Hey! That cloud looks like a snake.

Astrid: Yeah, and in five minutes, it'll look like a bunny.

Hiccup: Wait-wait-wait a minute. He might be onto something. "In the mouth... lies the key."

Hiccup: Look! Right there!

Hiccup: Toothless, let's go!

Fishlegs: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa a-are you crazy? You can't take a Night Fury with a wingspan of forty-eight feet and expect him to hover in winds like that! You'll be killed!

Hiccup: Well, what's the wingspan of Meatlug?

Hiccup: Keep her steady!

Fishlegs Oh, Thor... Oh, Thor! Do we really need that treasure?! Isn't our friendship treasure enough?!

Hiccup: I can't reach it!

Fishlegs: Okay, we tried, "A" for effort!

Hiccup: Hold on!

Hiccup: Okay... Come on. Come on... No.

Hiccup: Yes! Got it! How's that for a hiccup?

Hiccup: Look, they fit together! We must be on the right track.

Ruffnut: Hiccup, what are you going to do with your part of the treasure?

Hiccup: I'm not really here for the treasure.

Snotlout: Great! I get his share!

Astrid: You know, y-you don't have to do this, right?

Hiccup: Yeah, try telling that to my dad.

Hiccup: This must be the spot. Why else would anybody build a wall in the middle of the woods.

Tuffnut: Uh, duh, to keep out the other trees.

Hiccup: Uh, I got another one for you. "The world is right, when stars align; when not in sync, the danger you'll find."

Snotlout: Stars?! I'm not waitin' around here till night!

Hiccup: No, I don't think he means actual stars. I mean, the water didn't really turn to bone.

Astrid: Well, what do you think it means, Hiccup?

Snotlout: Why are you asking him? Maybe I know. I said, "Maybe." Turns out, I don't.

Fishlegs: Huh... There are shapes carved into each one of these bricks.

Hiccup: Keep a lookout for anything that looks like a star.

Snotlout: Got one!

Snotlout: Uh-oh!

Fishlegs: Put it back! Put it back! Put it back!

Snotlout: Hookfang! HOOKFANG!

Hiccup: Okay... It says, "In sync." That means there must be another star.

Astrid: Over here!

Hiccup: I think we're supposed to pull them out at the same time. Ruff? Tuff?

Ruffnut: Wow, this is amazing.

Snotlout: Oh, man...

Snotlout: Ugh, it's so hot. Is anybody else hot? 'Cause I'm really hot.

Tuffnut: I know. I'm sweating like a dragon at an eel party.

Astrid: Uh, guys? Is it just me, or is the floor moving?

Hiccup: Uh, Toothless, can you give us some light?

Fishlegs: That's why it's so hot in here. Fireworm dragons.

Tuffnut: Whoa.

Hiccup: Stop! Their skin burns hotter than the sun.

Tuffnut: Yeah, but how hot can the sun really be?


Tuffnut: Whoa.

Hiccup: AHH!

Snotlout: Grab'em and let's go!

Hiccup: No, it's a choice. Listen to this, guys. "Something pure and something strong. Look first to yourself, and you won't go wrong."

Fishlegs: Strong... That must be the one made of iron.

Astrid: But iron's not pure. Take the gold.

Astrid: It's getting really hard to breathe!

Fishlegs: That's what happens when you're getting roasted alive! You might wanna make a decision soon, Hiccup! We don't have much time!

Hiccup: "Look to yourself."

Astrid (o.s.): Careful, it could be a trap.

Astrid: Hiccup!

Astrid: Oh, no! Hurry! Where'd he go?! Hiccup!

Tuffnut: We gotta get out of here!

Snotlout: Through there!

Astrid: No! We're not leaving them!

Fishlegs: If we don't go now we'll all be trapped. There won't be anybody to help Hiccup.

Hiccup: We gotta find some way outta here. Give us some light, bud?

Hiccup: I wonder...

Hiccup: Well, we've come this far.

Astrid: Keep digging! We've gotta find them!

Stoick (o.s.): Find who?

Stoick: Son!

Hiccup: "This treasure was passed from father to son. I leave it to you the next worthy one. For only a hiccup could get this far. From one to another, be proud of who you are!"

Hiccup: Whoa. Hamish the Second was a hiccup. Just like me! He knew only another one of us could find this place.

Hiccup: Look at all this stuff! I guess being a hiccup isn't such a bad thing after all.

Hiccup: Wow. So, Hamish II really loved pedestals.

Hiccup: And apparently riddles. "In between the body and mind, a choice must be made on what you find. At this moment you must look to yourself, as only one path will give you true wealth." Ugh.

Hiccup: Oh, come on, Hamish, you're killing me!

Stoick: Keep digging! That's my son in there!

Stoick: Hiccup!

Stoick: Son!

Hiccup: Hey, Dad.

Hiccup: Uh, Dad I can't breathe.

Astrid: Oh, Hiccup, you're okay.

Fishlegs: Hiccup, thank Thor you're alive! What happened?

Snotlout: Blah, blah, blah. Who cares?! Where's the treasure?

Hiccup: This is Hamish's real son.

Snotlout: That's not treasure.

Stoick: To a father, it is.

Stoick: I never meant to make you feel like you had to do something like this.

Hiccup: I know, Dad. But I had to do it. For myself.

Hiccup (v.o.): I've spent most of my life trying to prove to my dad that I could be his kind of Viking. As it turns out, I already was.

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