Hiccup (v.o.): Berk is a small island in the middle of nowhere. So when we get a taste of something new...
Bucket: Trader Johann is here. Trader Johann!
Hiccup (v.o.): We tend to go a little overboard. Unfortunately, new isn't always good.
Trader Johann: Ah, Berk, my favorite of all the islands I travel to.
Bucket: Where have you been this time, Trader Johann?
Trader Johann: Oh, Bucket, the things I've seen, the people I've met! I'd need a week to regale you, but alas, we have limited time to conduct our business together. Whatever it is you're looking for I can assure you you'll find it here!
Snotlout: It's all mine. I call dibs on everything.
Trader Johann: I've got food of all sorts, spices, exotic animals...
Tuffnut: Is that moving? Does that one move? Whoa!
Trader Johann (o.s.): Works of art, jewelry, not to mention, knowledge.
Fishlegs: Trader Johann, is this your only book on botany?
Trader Johann: Yes, Mr. Fishlegs. Why it was given to me by the author himself.
Fishlegs: Would you take this necklace? It's made from baby dragons' teeth.
Trader Johann: Fair enough Mr. Fishlegs.
Snotlout: Oooh, I'm even better looking than I thought.
Astrid: You okay there, Gobber?
Gobber: I'm better than okay, I'm in heaven!
Trader Johann: Oh, that's pure squid ink, Hiccup. Wrestled from the colossal squid of the Northern waters.
Hiccup: Well, how about this spyglass? You know, I made it myself.
Trader Johann: I know. You've given me five just like it. Unfortunately, I've only got the two eyes. What else have you got?
Hiccup: What do you think of this winch? Eh? It will help you pull up your gangplank.
Trader Johann A welcome tool for a working man's ailing shoulder. Consider it done.
Hiccup: Wow. Another sword. Just what we need.
Stoick: If you must know, it's not for me. I'm heading off to my yearly meeting with the Chief of the Shivering Shores. The last man who showed up without a gift left without a head.
Stoick: Johann! What will you take in trade?
Trader Johann: Stoick! It is but your good graces I desire when my amble ship passes through Berk.
Stoick: You'll always be welcome on our shores.
Stoick: I'll be back in five days. What am I saying? I'll be back in two, thanks to Thornado.
Hiccup: Oh, you finally named him? Thornado, huh?
Stoick: That's right. Because he has the power of Thor and the ferocity of a tornado! And besides, it's the only thing he'll answer to! Turns out he can be quite stubborn!
Hiccup: Can't imagine where he gets that from.
Stoick: Up, Thornado.
Trader Johann: Ah, men riding dragons. What a magnificent sight.
Mildew (o.s.): Johann!
Trader Johann: Mildew!
Mildew: Did you bring what I want?
Trader Johann: Always straight to the point. I like that!
Trader Johann: I assume you've brought my cabbage?
Mildew: Take these to my house.
Trader Johann: Now, now, now little fella, that's not for you. Away.
Trader Johann: Ow! Feisty little one, isn't he?
Trader Johann: Safe distance, please!
Hiccup: Toothless, no! Sorry, Johann. He's just being protective.
Hiccup: Ah, it's gone.
Trader Johann: Oh, sorry, lad. That was my last one. But rest assured, I'll find that colossal squid and wrestle you another bottle.
Tuffnut: Wow. How does that look?
Hiccup: You got them just for the Academy?
Tuffnut: Yeah, we got them from Trader Johann. We had to give him our great-grandfather's skull. We got to keep his clavicle.
Hiccup: Wow! You know, it's about time you guys started taking some pride in this place.
Snotlout: That was AWESOME! I wanna take a shot! Fire!
Hiccup: Oh, that's strange.
Snotlout: Hey! Could you have your dragon cover his mouth when he sneezes?
Hiccup: I'm sorry, but that's never happened before.
Astrid: Look at those flowers! They're beautiful.
Astrid: Whoa! Hey! What are you doing?!
Hiccup: It's not me! Uh, okay, Toothless. WHHHOOOOOAAAA!
Hiccup: Whew! Toothless, are you okay, bud? Toothless? Maybe he's got a cold or something. Do dragons get colds?
Astrid: Whoa, look at that.
Astrid: Well, whatever it is, looks like he's got it, too.
Gobber: This will fix him right up.
Hiccup: What is that?
Gobber: It's best not to ask. And whatever you do, don't touch it.
Gobber: Well, that's ruined. I'll never get that yak to vomit again.
Astrid: Hiccup! You gotta see this.
Snotlout: Easy, easy! Whooaaa!
Fishlegs: Help her, Hiccup! She's sick! Whoa! And I'm about to be!
Hiccup: It's spreading to all the dragons. How do we stop this?
Gobber: Gothi! She'll know what to do!
Astrid: I've heard Gothi could tell you when you're gonna die, just by looking at your fingernails.
Gobber: Ah, that's just an old wives tale. She looks at your tongue.
Gobber: She says they're reacting to something, like they're allergic.
Hiccup: Allergic? To what?
Gobber: To a moose wearing boots. Shouldn't be hard to find.
Gobber: Didn't think that was right.
Gobber: Ah, they're allergic to something new that's just come to the island. But that still looks like a moose.
Astrid: Well, there are a lot of new things on the island. Trader Johann was just here.
Gobber: She says to get rid of everything, immediately. Otherwise it's just going to get worse. The dragons are going to get sicker.
Hiccup: I know this is hard, guys, but I promise you, you're doing a good thing. You're helping the dragons.
Astrid: It's the least we can do for them!
Snotlout: Goodbye, beautiful.
Ruffnut: What are you doing?! Throw it in!
Fishlegs: I'm sorry! But this botany book is a real page-turner! I gotta know how it ends! No, Ruffnut!
Hiccup: I don't see you throwing anything in the pile, and I thought I saw you buy something from Trader Johann.
Astrid: He did. He bought silk!
Hiccup: Hand it over, Gobber.
Gobber: Can't do that, Hiccup. It's, uh, currently in use. It's my skivvies. They're glorious!
Hiccup: I could have gone my whole life without seeing that.
Hiccup: Hey! How 'bout we go out flying? Maybe that'll make you feel better.
Astrid: Poor girl. Can't get comfortable, huh? I know what'll help! I'll--
Astrid: It's okay, Stormfly. I'm a soldier. I've been shot at before.
Fishlegs: Once upon a time, there was a little princess named Meatlug, the most beautiful dragon in all of the land! People would come from miles around--
Fishlegs: No, no, it's okay, girl. It's not that bad. Smells just like rose petals and--
Fishlegs: We got rid of everything from Trader Johann, but out dragons still aren't getting better, they're getting worse!
Hiccup: Let's-- let's make a list. Maybe there's somebody who bought something from Trader Johann but hasn't thrown it into the pit.
Astrid: Yeah... There must have been somebody who didn't want to give up what they bought.
Snotlout: If I find out who was holding back, I am gonna be so mad! Hookfang was so sick, I was up all night scraping dragon barf off our walls!
Tuffnut: Yeah? Well, ours is dead!
Tuffnut: Just kidding. But, he's really not that fun anymore.
Ruffnut: He just sits there. He won't blow anything up!
Stoick: Hiccup! Put this in the Book of Dragons! Never fly on a stomach full of under-cooked mutton. The Shivering Shores will never be the same.
Stoick: What is it, Hiccup? What's wrong?
Hiccup: It's the dragons, Dad. They're, uh...
Astrid: They're sick! And getting worse.
Stoick: Every dragon?
Stoick: Poor guy. What do you think happened?
Hiccup: Ugh, I don't know! Gothi says they're allergic to something new to the island, but we think we've gotten rid of everything.
Stoick: But, if the dragons aren't getting better...
Hiccup: Then something must still be here that's making them sick.
Hiccup: Sneezing! That's the first symptom.
Stoick: He was fine until we got back!
Hiccup: Um, we should retrace your steps.
Stoick: Well, this is where I landed.
Hiccup: Okay, look around for anything unusual.
Fishlegs: Does that count?
Ruffnut: I'm seeing stars!
Tuffnut: No way! Me too!
Astrid: Hmm... Nothing unusual here.
Astrid: What is it?
Hiccup: Uh, does anybody remember seeing these flowers before?
Stoick: They were here when I got back.
Fishlegs: It looks an awful lot like the Blue Oleander. I recognize it from my botany book, chapter eight.
Hiccup: I-is there anything specific you can remember?
Fishlegs: They're very beautiful, very soft, perennial.
Fishlegs: And... Poisonous to reptiles!
Hiccup: Which means poisonous to dragons!
Hiccup: This is serious. Uh, duh, did your book say anything about a cure?
Fishlegs: I don't know because somebody made me throw it in a pit!
Hiccup: Well, then go back and dig it up!
Astrid: I don't understand, where did these flowers even come from?
Tuffnut: Mildew. I saw him plant them the other night.
Astrid: And you didn't think that was strange?
Tuffnut: No. Well, maybe. I don't know! Quit pressuring me!
Stoick: Let's go pay the old man a visit.
Mildew: Well, so what if I planted some flowers? The town square has never looked better. I was merely trying to spread some beauty and happiness.
Astrid: Since when have you cared about beauty or happiness?
Hiccup: You did this!
Mildew: What? Me?! Ha!
Mildew: Well, I had no inkling, Stoick, that these flowers had special properties. Oh, it's true, I'm not friend of the dragons, but in this case, on my life, I was not trying to harm them.
Stoick: Let's go.
Mildew: Ah. The poor, poor dragons.
Hiccup: Fishlegs! You found your botany book!
Astrid: Wh-What does it say?
Hiccup: Calm down! Talk to me.
Fishlegs: My botany book says that Blue Oleander is poisonous to reptiles! And dragons are reptiles!
Hiccup: We know that! Was there anything else?
Fishlegs: Not in here. But I remembered the Book of Dragons talked about a dragon that feeds on the Blue Oleander. It's called the Scauldron. In a perfect world, if it eats the flowers, maybe its venom can be used as an antidote, like with snakes and spiders. But alas, we do not live in a perfect world.
Fishlegs: Look! The Scauldron has no venom!
Tuffnut: No... But it looks cool!
Fishlegs: Don't you understand? The Book says no venom!
Tuffnut: Okay, got it! No venom! Golly, write it on your forehead.
Gobber: The Book is wrong!
Gobber: I've dealt with a Scauldron before. They're sixty feet long, with razor sharp teeth! And they'll shoot boiling water that melts the flesh from your bones! The Scauldron has no fear. No conscience. But what the Scauldron does have is venom! And lots of it!
Tuffnut: I'm out!
Ruffnut: I'm with him.
Hiccup: Alright... You guys stay here and take care of the dragons.
Fishlegs: What are you going to do?
Hiccup: Dad? Gobber? Let's go find ourselves a Scauldron!
Gobber: I thought you'd never ask!
Hiccup: Look at that thing...
Hiccup: You just hang on, bud. I'll be back before you know it.
Stoick: How's my dragon warrior?
Stoick: I spent my whole life trying to kill them. Now look at me.
Hiccup: Dad, it's time. The boat's ready.
Mildew: Well, this is an outrage! I dug up all the flowers! I did my part!
Stoick: We're all out here because of you, Mildew. If we all have to put our lives at risk, then so do you!
Mildew: You have no proof, Stoick! You can't blame me every time something goes amiss with your precious dragons.
Gobber: Alright, Stoick. What's the plan?
Stoick: Hiccup, when Gobber and I secure the Scauldron's head, Sven will wedge its jaw open.
Stoick: We'll need you to--
Hiccup: Drain the poison into this bucket. Got it. Let's get started. This is what Scauldrons eat. It'll draw them to the boat.
Mildew: Bah! This is not working! It was a stupid idea to begin with!
Stoick: Easy, son, that's not why we're here.
Gobber: But that is.
Gobber: I may need to change my skivvies again.
Hiccup:>We n eed to lure the Scauldron on deck!
Mildew: Oh, that's great. Get it on the ship where it can have at us all!
Stoick: Gobber! Secure its neck with this! I'll lasso his horn!
Gobber: Where did it go?
Gobber: HANG ON, EVERYBODY!
Stoick: Gobber! Here's our chance! We can't let the dragon get back into the water!
Gobber: He's a strong one!
Stoick: Sven! We need that barrel now!
Hiccup: I've got the bucket!
Stoick: Careful, son! You don't want to get that venom in you!
Hiccup: Yes, I know, Dad! I'll be dead in twenty-four hours!
Stoick: Sven! Look out!
Stoick: Hiccup, behind you!
Stoick: Daah! I got his tail!
Gobber: Hiccup, grab your dad's line!
Hiccup: Got it!
Stoick: Pull him in! Use the mast to winch his jaw open!
Stoick: Mildew! Grab the bucket!
Mildew: HOLD ON! It's one thing for me to--
Stoick: Grab the bucket or I'll throw you overboard myself!
Stoick: Everyone take cover!
Hiccup: He's gone.
Gobber: And you can bet the last place he's coming back to is this ship.
Stoick: We didn't get the venom.
Hiccup: Yes, we did.
Mildew: Get this poison out of me!
Hiccup: Oh, we will.
Tuffnut: Can you believe we're all just standing around, waiting for something to come out of Mildew's butt?
Mildew: No-no-no! W-w-wait-wait-wait! Isn't there something a little smaller you could use?
Astrid: That's the sound of our dragons getting better.
Gobber: I've seen a Nadder's spine slice through a man's eyeball like a grape. I've watched my own arm get devoured by a Monstrous Nightmare. But never, NEVER, have I seen anything so disturbing... as that old man's bare behind! Here. Take this to your dragons. I'm going to the forest to scream.
Hiccup: Way to take one for the team, Gobber.
Hiccup: Relax, Dad. It's gonna be fine.
Hiccup: They're coming around!
Stoick: Ha-ha! Thornado!
Hiccup: How you feeling, bud?
Hiccup: Good to have you back, bud.
Hiccup (v.o.): A deadly flower, a venomous sea dragon, and Mildew's butt. Three things I never really thought I'd have to deal with in the same day. But I'll do anything for my dragon.
Portrait of Hiccup as a Buff Man (transcript)
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Heather Report, Part 1 (transcript)