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This is the transcript page for Crushing It, complete with full dialogues and actions.


[animals hooting]


Tuffnut: Give it back. It's my blanket.

Snotlout: Ah! [grumbling] Why do we have to be the ones to stay up on Rumblehorn watch? Hookfang, I'm talking to you.


Snotlout: [sighs] We're never going to stop this crazy dragon from tearing this place up. Aaah! Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

[all shouting]

Snotlout: Ow, ow, ow!


Snotlout: That's the third time this week!


Snotlout: Ahhh! Sweet relief. [shudders]

Hiccup: The Rumblehorn! It's headed for the Eastern beach. Come on, you guys! Finally. We got it! Everybody stay back!

Tuffnut: I didn't think it would be so smelly.

Ruffnut: I didn't think it would be so hairy.

Gobber: You try shaving with a hook for an arm!

Tuffnut: The Rumblehorn talks! Quick, smack it.

Gobber: Cut me down, you simpleton!

Ruffnut: And it's got a bad attitude.

Gobber: Eh, never mind!

Tuffnut: Gobber, what did you do with our Rumblehorn?

Gobber: Rumblehorn? What's a Rumblehorn?

Fishlegs: A new dragon that's been trying to chase us off the island.

Astrid: Yeah, us and everything else.

Hiccup: We've been trying to catch it and relocate it.

Snotlout: Yet we caught you. Yay, us.

Gobber: You're trying to catch a dragon with a net that can't hold a one-legged, one-armed Viking? Amateurs.

Tuffnut: Not too late to club him still. I can give him a little "Ah! Uh!" You know, "uh, uh, uh!"

Hiccup: Yeah, we should just get back and check on the dragon base.

Gobber: Eh. Well, let's see what you've done with the place. It looks very, well...

Astrid: Trashed!

Gobber: Your words, not mine.

Hiccup: The Rumblehorn must have hit us while we were out chasing you.

Tuffnut: Last chance. I can still club him. Come on, club, club, club. Join the club.

Gobber: As much as I love a good clubbing, even my own, it will have to wait. You and I need to talk. I've come with disturbing news about your father.

Hiccup: Is he all right?

Gobber: Oh, he's fine.

Hiccup: That's a relief.

Gobber: But, then again, not so fine.

Hiccup: Gobber, you're killing me. Is my father okay or not?

Gobber: Oh, he's as fit as a dragon. Unfortunately, he's as ornery as one, too.

[Toothless growls]

Gobber: No offense. I've never seen him like this... angry, shouting at everyone.

Hiccup: Actually, that sounds like vintage Stoick the Vast to me.

Gobber: You think I would have sailed in a boat by myself for a week if it were "vintage" Stoick the Vast? He's driving the village crazy!

Hiccup: All right, I guess I'd better see what's going on with him.

Gobber: Good idea.

Hiccup: You want to ride back with me and Toothless?

Gobber: Actually, I think I might stay a while, help repair your wee dragon base. See if I can offer up some of my dragon-killing experience to help defend against that Rumblehorn. If there's time, I'll take Tuffnut up on that clubbing.

Tuffnut: It works with Ruffnut.

Hiccup: I get it. So basically, you're hiding out from my father.

Gobber: One might look at it that way.

Hiccup: Well, bud, I guess we're off to Berk. Hmm, it's quieter than usual.

Stoick: Shoddy workmanship! That's what this is!

Hiccup: Okay, follow the sound of the angry Viking.

Stoick: I said I wanted these weapons arranged by deadliness! Swords...

Hiccup: Ah!

Stoick: ...axes, bludgeons, then maces!

[sheep bleating]


Stoick: If I used them on you, you wouldn't forget how deadly they were! Gah! I can't believe it...

Sven: Hiccup, thank Thor you're here. You've got to help us. Your father has become unbearable!

Hiccup: Well, to be fair, Sven, you did have the weapons out of order.

Sven: That's because yesterday he told me to arrange them by length! The day before it was by pointiness! The day before that, it was by name! Did you know he gave each weapon its own nickname?

Hiccup: Well, I have to admit, that is really weird. Uh, all right, I'll go talk to him.

Sven: I mean, seriously. Who names their mace Daisy?

Astrid: These attacks are getting worse every time. Either that Rumblehorn's got to go, or we do.

Tuffnut: Hey, our boar pit survived! Cool! I like a pit, but I love a boar pit.

Gobber: You call that a boar pit? Ha! I've dug my way out of shallow graves deeper than that.

Fishlegs: Would you look at these Rumblehorn tracks? If you take into account the width and the depth of the footprints, and the distance between them, I calculate that this dragon is...

Gobber: Hefty. One might even say beefy.

Snotlout: Does somebody want to tell me why we're rebuilding this place? He's just going to crash through and wreck it again.

Gobber: He wouldn't if you could build a defensive wall properly. Ahh! Well, don't just stand there. If you want to learn, follow me.

Snotlout: Eh.

Stoick: For Thor's sake, you plow like an old woman! Gah! [grumbling] Hag. This is how you plow! Oh, it's so simple! You can't even...

Hiccup: Hmm. Ow, ow, ow! Ah. Gothi! You know, personally, I don't know what he's talking about You are by far my favorite plower in all of Berk. That... That's some good plowing, yeah. Uh, yes, I... I agree. He is totally out of control. Watch the language. He's still my father. I'll talk to him, I promise.




Stoick: Ah...

Hiccup: Ahem. Ah! Dad, please don't kill me! It's your son!

Stoick: Hiccup!


Stoick: Ah!

Hiccup: Oh! Good to see you too, Dad. Now... Now if I could just, um, breathe? Ah.

Stoick: Oh sorry! Just happy to see my son!

Hiccup: Well, that's great. My... My cracked ribs and I are happy to see you, too. What are you doing all the way out at the academy?

Stoick: Oh, well, I come up here for the peace and quiet. Tired of hearing people complaining... Stoick, you're being too tough. Stoick, you're being too picky. Stoick, you're cutting off my air supply.

Hiccup: Hey, hey, is that Thornado's old saddle? Wow, Dad, you really kept it shiny.

Stoick: Well, just because one dragon is gone doesn't mean I'm gonna let a valuable piece of equipment fall into disrepair. But enough about me. [grunts] What brings my world-traveler son back to Berk?

Hiccup: Well, we... We still...

Sven: Eh, Stoick, I don't mean to interrupt, but I've got those weapons arranged by deadliness, just like you wanted them.

Stoick: And who said I wanted them that way? Does anyone around here listen? Ahh!

Hiccup: Dad, Dad, Dad! I just had a great idea.

Stoick: If it involves me hurling an axe at Sven's head, let's hear it.

Sven: Oh, I... I hear my sheep calling.

Hiccup: I-I was thinking something a little more relaxing. Something to take the edge off?

Stoick: Edge? What edge? Okay, I'm listening.

Hiccup: Yeah, so I was thinking, why don't you take a couple of days off, come with me to see the dragon base?

Stoick: No, impossible. There's far too much to do around here.

Hiccup: Okay, Dad. Well, tell you what, if I'm being honest, the reason I'm really here is that I've got a dragon problem back on the island.

Stoick: Dragon problem? What kind of a dragon problem?

Hiccup: Well, you see, we're trying to relocate a new species of dragon and I thought we could handle it, but we could really use your help.

Stoick: Well, I suppose I could spare a moment, if you really need me.

Hiccup: Oh, we do. We really, really do.

Astrid: I have to admit, that's one impressive wall. It should stop the Rumblehorn, at least from the ground.

Gobber: I'm going to call her Greta, after my first love. Large, sturdy. Beefy, some would say.

[distant growling]

Fishlegs: It's coming from the West! And it's getting closer!

[growling continues]

Astrid: Everybody, mount up!

Gobber: I'm not moving! The wall will hold.

[stone crumbling]

Gobber: Yah! [laughs] Told you my Greta would hold. Oh, Greta, how could you?


Astrid: Hurry up and move those logs! Gobber, are you all right?

Gobber: Good morning, Mommy. Is it time for dragon-killing school?

Snotlout: Hey, at least this wall held. Of course, everything else got crushed.


Tuffnut: Incoming! Yeah! Fire, fire! Use all weapons! Start blasting!

Hiccup: Hey, it's us. Cut it out!

Tuffnut: Oh, okay. Sorry about that. [chuckles] Nice to see you, Chief. You're looking very fit. Your hands seem to be rough... and well-worked. Anyway, welcome to Rumblehorn hell.

Stoick: You weren't kidding about having dragon problems.

Hiccup: Is anybody hurt?

Astrid: Well, sort of.

Gobber: Hello, lovies. Who'd like some figgy pudding?

Stoick: What's wrong with him?

Tuffnut: Well, Chief, you can start with the peg leg. And then you add in the hook and the bad breath, weird neck. I mean, look at his neck.

Snotlout: He'll be fine. He got hit by a watchtower.

Gobber: [laughs] Ah, you're killing me. Who knew you were such a card? [laughs]

Astrid: Hiccup, these Rumblehorn attacks are getting out of hand. We have to do something.

Stoick: Okay, then, first things first. We start with...

Hiccup: Astrid, you search the Eastern coastline. Ruff, Tuff, you have the West. My father and I will take the middle of the island. Fishlegs and Snotlout, you take care of Gobber and keep fixing the base.

Fishlegs: Got it.

Snotlout: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute there, dragon master.

Gobber: Hello, little fella.

Snotlout: How come I have to stay behind?


Gobber: I'm a dragon. Ya! Heh.

Hiccup: Okay, fine, you want to hunt the unstoppable, bloodthirsty dragon instead?

Snotlout: Bloodthirsty dragon, huh?

Gobber: Ooh, look at my tail. Do dragons chase their tails or do they breathe fire on them? I don't know.

Snotlout: On second thought, I don't want to give you guys an unfair advantage. So I should probably stay behind and protect one of the archipelago's national treasures.

Gobber: The sun is a shiny potato covered in drawn butter.

Snotlout: And the moon is a scoop of ice cream.

Stoick: Hmm.

[branches breaking]

Stoick: Ah, it's good to be back up in the air again. No wonder you never come back to visit. This highland is spectacular.

Hiccup: Thanks, Dad, but we're not gonna be able to keep any of it if we don't solve our Rumblehorn problem.

Stoick: Right. When exactly did you start having trouble with it?

Hiccup: A few weeks ago. We didn't even know it was on the island. And then suddenly it was everywhere. First is just went after wild dragons, then it started coming after us.

Stoick: And how many dragons has it killed?

Hiccup: None yet. This dragon is more than strong. It's fast, it's smart, and it's elusive. We've never even gotten a good look at it.

Stoick: This does seem like quite the challenge, doesn't it?

Hiccup: Yes, it does.

[Stoick laughs]

Stoick: Look at the two of us... two Viking men on the hunt, scheming to catch a wild beast.

Hiccup: See? You're cheering up already, right?

Stoick: Let's not get ahead of ourselves, son.

[dragons growling]

Hiccup/Stoick: There!

Hiccup: You see what I mean? Every time, we just miss it.

Stoick: Well, we didn't see it fly away, so it has to be on foot. But which way?

Hiccup: Over here. Check the direction of the trees he took down.

Stoick: After you, son. Ho ho, this is great.

Hiccup: These footprints are fresh. We should be right on top of it.

Stoick: It's like the beast can sense us coming, and then it changes direction. A truly worthy adversary.


Hiccup: We have got to be getting close.

Stoick: Ah, I don't think so. We've been here before. Look at the broken branches on this side of the trail. The beast has doubled back on us.

Hiccup: Wait, you think it knows we're hunting it?

Stoick: No, I think it's hunting us.

Hiccup: Oh, that's good! No, I prefer it much more the other way around. What are you thinking, Dad?

[Stoick breaks branch]

Stoick: I might have an idea on how we're going to catch this beast. ♪ Well, I've got my club, and I've got my rope, and I smell like a yak 'cause I don't use soap. I'm a Viking through and through!♪

[dragon growls]


Stoick: Well, you're magnificent! And you've got a lot to say, don't you? [roars] Now, let's see if you can back it up.

[war cry]

Hiccup: Dad! Get out of there!

Stoick: Not a chance! Oh, no, you don't!

Hiccup: Dad, let go of the rope!

Stoick: Ah!

Hiccup: Dad, don't let go of the rope!


Stoick: Ah! Oh, you want a piece of me on the way down, do you?! Come and get some!



[Stoick yells]

Stoick: Come on!

Hiccup: We'd better get back to Dragon's Edge for reinforcements.

Stoick: Agreed. This isn't over, Rumblehorn!


Stoick: Where's Gobber?

Gobber: Yoo-hoo! Come back, please. [laughs]

Snotlout: Boar pit?

Hiccup: Okay, Gobber accounted for.

Astrid: Hiccup, did you find the Rumblehorn?

Hiccup: More like he found us.

Stoick: [laughs] Gave us a good run, that one.

Hiccup: We're gonna resupply, and then we all need to go look for it.

Tuffnut: Eh, I bet I can find him, like right now.

Snotlout: Oh, really.

Tuffnut: Oh, yeah.

Snotlout: Oh, really?

Tuffnut: Yeah.

Snotlout: How's that?

Tuffnut: Wait for it. Bing!

Hiccup: What the... Ah! Hey, everybody? On your dragons! We need to draw him away from Dragon's Edge! It tracked us all the way here!

Stoick: Impressive.

Hiccup: Dad, let's catch him first. Then we can admire him.


[all squealing]

[Stoick grunts]

Hiccup: Where are all the Night Terrors going?

Stoick: And why isn't the Rumblehorn following us?

Hiccup: Because it's following him.

Gobber: Mr. Boar, come back, please. I just want to have a friendly chat.


Hiccup: Let's get his attention, bud.


[all squealing]

Gobber: Aha ha!


Astrid: Stormfly, spine shot!

Ruffnut: Hyah!

Stoick: For as powerful as that dragon is, he doesn't seem to have a real thirst for blood.

Hiccup: Not yet, but it's still going after Gobber. I hate to do this, but it's the Rumblehorn or Gobber. We may only get one shot at this, bud. Let's make it count!

Stoick: This doesn't make any sense.

[all squealing]

Stoick: Unless... Hiccup, wait!

Hiccup: Dad, what are you doing?

Gobber: Not so fast, you.


[hoof beats approach]


Gobber: Oh, look, it's Pepe, my favorite pet yak. We didn't eat you on Snoggletog morning after all. No.

Stoick: If that dragon wanted to hurt people, he'd have done it by now. Something else is going on here.

Hiccup: Like what?

Stoick: Only one way to find out. Put me down next to him.

[Gobber speaking baby talk]


Gobber: Stoick, you remember Pepe?

Stoick: Yes, yes, Gobber. Pepe and I need to have a wee talk.

Gobber: Hiccup, have you met Pepe?

Hiccup: Oh, God.

[low growling]


Stoick: What is it you really want, dragon?

[low growling]

Stoick: I think this dragon is trying to tell us something.

[all grunting]

Fishlegs: What is happening, what is happening, what is happening?

Hiccup: I think you're right.

Stoick: Ah!

Hiccup: Dad!

Stoick: [grunts] Whoa, big fella! Hold on there!

Hiccup: Go get 'em, bud!

Stoick: Son, out there!

Hiccup: The sea level... is it rising? There's a giant wave headed for us. The Rumblehorn knew it and was trying to get us to leave. He was trying to save us! That explains why he was chasing Gobber.

Tuffnut: I'm not buying it. Okay, guys, real quick... How long does it take to learn to swim?

Hiccup: No one has to swim. We just need to block the wave from hitting the camp.

Snotlout: Isn't it a little late for that, Hiccup?

Astrid: No! Gobber's rock wall... that's big enough to stop the wave. We just need to reinforce it.

Fishlegs: The wall's not going to be high enough to stop that wave!

Astrid: And it's cracking!

Stoick: You handle the cracks, son! I've got an idea.

Hiccup: You heard the man!

Astrid: On it! Stormfly, spine shot!

Fishlegs: Meatlug, spew!

[Hiccup gasps]

Stoick: All right, then, let's finish what you started.


Stoick: Full speed, big fella!

Fishlegs: I can't believe it, guys. If that Rumblehorn hadn't warned us, we would have been wiped out.

[Stoick laughs]

Fishlegs: Look at this guy. He is amazing.

Stoick: Yes! You can say that again, Fishlegs.

Fishlegs: You know, guys, this is a whole new class of dragon. We need a name.

Hiccup: Well, it tracked us down. How about Tracker Class?

Snotlout: Tracker Class? [laughs] Yeah, right! That sounds like something I would come up with.

Hiccup: Perfect.

Fishlegs: Tracker Class it is.

Snotlout: What?! You like it?! Aw, come on!

[Hiccup laughing]

Hiccup: Gobber, I sure am glad you're back to normal.

Gobber: Yeah, not sure what all went on, but I'm sore in places I didn't know I had.

Stoick: Well, son, I'm glad I let you insist I come here.

Hiccup: You know, Dad, when I first came back to Berk, I thought you might be missing me. But it was Thornado all along.

Stoick: Aw, I do miss that magnificent beast. We had some connection, he and I.

Hiccup: Oh, I get it. No, I can't imagine what it would be like without Toothless.

Stoick: Well, Thornado will never be replaced, but this guy... we're a lot alike, he and I. We're both protectors, we're both leaders.

Gobber: And you're both hard-headed.

Stock: Hard-headed, you say? Skullcrushing's more like it. Wait, that's what we'll call you. Skullcrusher!


Stoick: And by the way, son? I do miss you. A lot, in fact. All right, big fella. Let's get back to Berk. I've got the perfect saddle waiting for you.

Hiccup: All right, guys, we have a lot of work to do. So let's get to it.


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