This is the transcript page for Crash Course, complete with full dialogues and actions.


(Scene begins with the Riders having a training session with their dragons. Each are engaged in their respective activities. Toothless is firing a series of plasma blasts at the rocks to decimate them)

Hiccup: Great shooting, bud! Perfect for the catapults! (Meatlug performs a barrel roll, catching a large boulder in her mouth)

Fishlegs: Nice catch, girl! Your athleticism is nothing short of breathtaking. Uh-oh, so fast! Good girl, Meatlug!

(The twins are helping to correct Barf and Belch's aim, firing them like guns)

Tuffnut: Yeah, okay! Shot another one!

Ruffnut: Little to the right!

Tuff: Now go down! Down! Yes! Perfect! Uh, nice shot! Hit it again!

Ruff: Whoa! Hmm, what do you think?

Tuff: (Studies the training dummies) I think we need to chisel the jawlines more. Make them more in and of our visage!

Ruff: Agreed!

Snotlout: Will you guys do something that is actually important?

Tuff: What could possibly be more important than this?

Snotlout: I'm sick of this! If these clowns aren't gonna pull their weight...

Ruff: [Indignantly] Hey, Boyo! Never talk to a girl about her weight!

Tuff: No wonder he can't land a girlfriend. Am I right?

Hiccup: Um, guys? Let's get all these catapults loaded before the sun goes down!

Astrid: What was that?

Ruff: I don't know but it's crumbling my eyelid!

(The dragons move restlessly and begin to look unsettled)

Astrid: Okay... easy, Stormfly!

Snotlout: Oh, what are you doing, Hookfang?

Hiccup: Something's coming towards us!

Fishlegs: Something big! Oh Thor! Oh Thor!

Hiccup: Let's get out of here!

Astrid: Stormfly!

Hiccup: Astrid, Snotlout! Cut your boulders loose!

Snotlout: I'm trying! It's tangled!

Hiccup: Toothless!

Hiccup: The Fireworm Queen?

Snotlout: Ha, ha, ha! I pretend to be scared so the dragons wouldn't be!

Snotlout: Woah! Ow! Hookfang! Careful!

Fishlegs: Hiccup, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Hiccup: Yeah. Something's off.

Fishlegs: What is she doing way out here, away of her island?

Hiccup: I'm not sure. Whoa, no, no, no, no! Take it easy, girl! Just trying to figure out what's going on!

Snotlout: Being a dragon expert, I can tell that she wants Hookfang to follow her.

Fishlegs: Follow her? Where? Why?

Hiccup: Maybe it has some to do with these. (Gestures towards the ships below.)

Astrid: Dragon hunters?

Hiccup: If I had to guess, she needs help defending herself!

Fishlegs: And, since the Fireworm Queen and Hookfang have a history, he is the only dragon she trusts!

Snotlout: Well, if she's looking for back-up, she came to the right dragon! Those hunters want mess with the Queen? They're gonna have go through me and Hookfang! Come on, your highness, lead the way!

Snotlout: Stay close, Hookfang! C'mon, on her tail, c'mon!

Hiccup: Snotlout, wait up!

Snotlout: I told you, Hiccup! She came for me and Hookfang! WE GOT THIS!

Hiccup: No one is doubting your level of "got", Snotlout, but if Viggo and the hunters are here, you might need a little back-up!

Snotlout: Okay, but just remember you're back-up and we're... front-down, which is the opposite of back-up! Hyah! Let's go, Hookfang! C'mon!

(Scene switches to the Fireworm Queen's island, where the Dragon Riders are heading to the caves.)

Hiccup: Uh... you guys feel that?

Astrid: Feel what?

Fishlegs: I don't feel anything.

Tuff: Why must he speak in riddles?

Hiccup: It's too calm. No sign of any Dragon Hunters ships.

Snotlout: Whatever she wants help with is in there. Let's go, Hookfang!

Hiccup: Everyone be on alert! We have no idea what could be waiting for us in those caves!

Tuff: Says Hiccup the Obvious!

Ruff: Sometimes I feel we're the normal ones!

Astrid: No arrows, no footprints, no sign of Viggo or Ryker. I don't get it!

Snotlout: She didn't do all that damage to herself. So if it's not hunters, then it's something else.

Fishlegs: Guys, I have a sneaking suspicion we may not be alone.

Snotlout: What is it, your majesty?

Astrid: What is that?

Tuff: What are those?

Fishlegs: These are my dragon-cards. I've been working on them for months.

Hiccup: Fishlegs, these are incredible!

Fishlegs: I know, right? Yeah, look! I have even dragon classes, size and speed! All this dragon knowledge right at our fingers!

Hiccup: Right!

Snotlout: You two need a hobby!

Fishlegs: I knew it! It's a Cavern Crasher! I've never seen one in the flesh. Uh-hu-hu, Mystery Class! Woah!

Hiccup: Uh, Fishlegs? Care to share, or...

Fishlegs: The Cavern Crasher is a scavenging Mystery Class dragon. It's known for pushing dragons out of their homes and taking over.

Astrid: Why would it do that?

Fishlegs: I'm not entirely sure. Warmth, shelter, protection?

Astrid: I find it hard to believe a dragon that big would need protection.

Hiccup: That's why the Queen came to us for help! She couldn't get it out of here all by herself!

Snotlout: Bla bla bla! We find the culprit, now let's get to work and am-scray this agon-dray.

Fishlegs: Snotlout, I wouldn't...

(The Cavern Crasher fires a blast at Hookfang)

Snotlout: Agh! C'mon Hookfang! Watch out!

Astrid: Are there two of them?

Fishlegs: Nope, extremely fast! Especially for a dragon that big.

Hiccup: Fishlegs! Get him, bud! Look out!

Snotlout: Oh! No, you don't! What is that stuff?

(Crasher trails mucas all over the cave floors, then sets it on fire)

Tuff: Now that, my friend, it's a flaming trail of awesome!

Astrid: We can't get through this flames!

Tuff: Okay, and then Astrid swoops in and kill the fun.

Astrid: Hiccup!

Snotlout: Okay, everyone out!

Fishlegs: Whew! It would appear that we're in the middle of a territorial dispute!

Hiccup: Okay, guys! The Queen needs our help! So we're gonna...

Snotlout: No, no, no! No time for thinking! We need action and that's why she came to me and Hookfang!

Hiccup: Yeah, Snotlout, that's fine but...

Snotlout: She saved Hookfang's life and a Jorgenson always repays his debts. So that's exactly what we're goning to do. We're gonna save her life.

Hiccup: But you can't go by yourself!

Snotlout: I'm not by myself! I'm with Hookfang! And we're doing this alone! Now, Hookie! There she is! Listen, Queeny, you brought us here because you needed our help... I think it's a shortcut, Hookie. Good idea! I'm not sure the Cavern Crasher is down here. Wow, we're deep. This might be the deepest I ever been! I don't like this, Hookfang. Maybe we should go back. HOOKFANG! Okay, okay. It was just a suggestion. Brainstorming. There's no wrong answers in brainstorming.

Hiccup: There must be another way around this cave-in.

Fishlegs: We've been down these tunnels, remember? They were several entrances to the lower chambers.

Astrid: I remember this tunnel over here! I think it loops around!

Hiccup: C'mon bud. Snotlout! Snotlout! C'mon, where is he?

Hiccup: Woah! Where did he come from?

Fishlegs: I know! There's only one way to get in here!

Tuff: Wouldn't be cool if it flattened its body and came through the cracks in the walls? What? How is that not cool?

Hiccup: Everyone, grab your bolas! Ah, almost!

Fishlegs: What's it doing?

(Fires the mucas)

Hiccup: The mucus! Watch out for the mucus!

Tuff: Sorry. Had to get rid of that one.

Hiccup: Not you. That!

Tuff: This is nasty! Even for us!

Fishlegs: This is not coming off! It's too sticky!

Ruff and Tuff: Slime us, will ya?

Ruff: Ugh! This dragon is getting me from all sights!

Tuff: Right! Bad dragon!

Ruff: Let's snot him!

Hiccup: Ruff, Tuff, wait!

Ruff: That hurt!

Hiccup: That slime becomes flammable when it hits the air!

Fishlegs: Watch out, girl!

Hiccup: Keep out of the way from those blasts or we're cooked!

Astrid: Hiccup, there's not much room to fly in here!

Hiccup: I know.

Snotlout: Now I get it! That Crasher thing doesn't just push dragons out for no reason. It's scavenging for eggs! It was trying to get here all long! To her hive! What a jerk of a dragon! This is why she came for us, Hookfang! She knew we would help! And that's exactly what we're gonna do! Uh, did you hear me, Hookfang? Help her! Jeez, what's wrong with you?

Snotlout: (to Fireworm Queen) You want me to... me? I'm Snotlout! I'm completely irresponsible! Okay, okay, okay! I got it, I got you! Um, hello, guys? Hatching baby dragon over here! Way about my pay grade!

Snotlout: Oh my gosh! Hookfang, did you hear that? It was a little baby dragon roar! (meows) Oh, look! It doesn't even have his fire yet! (singing) Baa, baa, black yak, have you any fur? Yes sir, yes sir, more than you can muster! I'll be the judge said the little viking boy. Gimme, gimme, gimme or I'll mace you into a toy. My mom used to sing that to me. Oh, it's just so freaking cute and so freaking... hot! Get it off! Ha, ha! Baa, baa black yak, go, you crazy black yak! Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Tuff: You know, believe it or not, that blast really opened up my sinuses!

Ruff: Oh yeah? What can you smell?

Tuff: Lemme see! Burning nose hair with a faint whisper of musk!

Ruff: Mm! Six days and counting!

Fishlegs: Oh Thor! Oh Thor! Of Thor! Oh, don't! What's it doing?

Hiccup: Eggs!

Fishlegs: Babies?

Tuff: Dinner! What? It seemed to go! You know, it seemed to work, rhythm-wise.

Hiccup: The Fireworm Queen's eggs!

Astrid: That's why she didn't abandon her hive!

Fishlegs: O-ho-ho! No, you don't!

Hiccup: Great work, gang!

Astrid: Looks like Ugly here isn't making it to the hive!

Tuff: Wait, are you guys leaving me here?

Astrid: Not you, the dragon!

Hiccup: Okay, now let's try to figure out how to get it out of here for good! Grab those bolas! We'll try again!

Fishlegs: Hiccup, did you just see that? It collapsed his skeleton...

Tuff: And squeezed through the cracks. Yes! I told you!

Ruff: Once again, nobody listen to the "nut".

Tuff: The "nut" is all-knowing!

Ruff: The "nut" is all-seeing!

Tuff: The "nut" is all-believing!

Astrid: Maybe the "nut" knows how to get through this cave-in!

Tuff: The "nut" knows not! Doesn't know how to get through this cave-in.

Snotlout: We'll just get them out of here and that's all! Oh, of course! Isn't this just my luck? Shh, shh! Please be quiet, please be quiet! As a dragon expert, I don't think that's gonna help right now! (singing) Hush, little Fireworm, don't you roar, or this thing's coming through the floor. If it does, then we're all done. 'Cause it's gonna fry us like sun! (to Fireworm Queen) Why do babies always make you pay like that?

Astrid: It's no use, Hiccup! It's too dense! It'll take us forever to blast through!

Fishlegs: And there's no way around it this time! We've gotta get through here!

Hiccup: He-hey, Nuts! What do you mean "the nut knows not"? The "nut" knows!

Tuff: The "nut" does?

Hiccup: He certainly does!

Tuff: Alright! Of course he does!

Ruff: Who are we talking about again?

Tuff: I don't know. I don't know, just go with it!

Hiccup: And if there was ever a time for the "nut" to use their all-knowingness and their experts stone-carving skills, it's right now!

Tuff: You're right! I owe it to my public! Sister "nut"?

Ruff: I live for my craft!

Tuff: Fire in the hole!

Snotlout: Okay guys! This is it! It's us three against a huge mucus-shooting, nasty killer dragon! Or, maybe the two of you can take this one! Alright, okay, it was just a suggestion! It's go time, dragons! Hey, Crasher! Nice of you to show up! We were expecting you! Queenie, now! Okay, that didn't work so good! We have a plan B, no? Probably should've had a plan B? Good think, Hookfang! Oh, c'mon, really? Hookfang, hatchlings! Okay, Hookfang, this is it! Moment of truth! We're not letting it get to these babies! Don't worry little guy. Uncle Snot and Cousin Fang are here!

Hiccup: Snotlout?

Snotlout: Hiccup, don't come down here!

Hiccup: Be careful, guys! Crasher's slime!

Tuff: Perhaps, we should be careful of that, as well? Don't you think?

Hiccup: Whoa!

Snotlout: Hookfang, what are you doing? We're in the middle of a fight! They're combining their firepower! They cooked the mucus right off him! Well, kids, it looks like our Crasher just crashed! Why don't we show it the door? Oh, no! This guy will not give up!

Hiccup: Maybe you need some back-up!

Snotlout: Ha ha ha ha! Right! But remember, you're only back-up!

Hiccup: Oh, I know, pal!

Astrid: Yes!

Fishlegs: Whoo-ho-hoo!

Tuff: Alright! Back in business!

Snotlout: I know, I know, I defied orders again!

Hiccup: No, you didn't! I never ordered you to do anything! This one was all you!

Snotlout: Why didn't you try to stop me?

Hiccup: Would you? Have stopped, that is.

Snotlout: Probably not.

Hiccup: Then why we are talking about it?

Snotlout: You know, I could've gotten killed in there.

Hiccup: Yeah, but you didn't. You crushed it today, Snotlout! You really did! This was all you!

Snotlout: Thanks for the back-up! Ha ha ha ha!

Tuff: We did it again! Only we could have made something this glorious! We call it: "The Ballad of the Lout versus the Crasher"! It's breathtaking!

Astrid: Um, isn't a ballad technically a song?

Ruff: No! S'not!

Tuff: Get it? It's snot! That's the whole idea! We made it a ballad so people would be like: "Isn't it this?" and then we say: "S'not".

Snotlout: Well, I love it. Although, Astrid, would you say my likeness is handsome and chiseled enough?

Astrid: Oh, for the love of Thor!

Snotlout: Well, just off the top of my head. They got my hair wrong, they got my eyebrows wrong, they got my eyes wrong...

Tuff: This has been a great day!

Snotlout: (still talking to no one in particular) ...they got my chin wrong, they got my chin bone wrong...

Enemy of My Enemy (transcript)
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