Hiccup: All right, gang, we'll buzz past the Scauldron and draw its attention so Astrid, Ruff, and Tuff can net it from behind and drag it out to sea, got it?
Snotlout: I still think we should blast it!
Astrid: Stoick just wants us to move the Scauldron out of Berk's fishing lanes, so don't get any crazy ideas.
Ruffnut: Uh, sorry. Crazy is what we do, Astrid. Duh!
Fishlegs: You guys do realize that a Scauldron's hot water blast can rip the scales right off a Screaming Death?
Hiccup: There it is. Let's focus, guys.
Fishlegs: As usual, nobody's listening to Fishlegs.
Hiccup: One... Two... Three!
Fishlegs: Ah-choo! Aah!
Snotlout: Aaah! Help me!
Hiccup: Abort, abort! Ah! Fishlegs!
Snotlout: Uhh! I knew I hated this mission.
Hiccup: Plasma blast, bud.
Tuffnut: Oh, I see how it is. You're allowed to blast it.
Snotlout: You and your Snot-rockets almost got me killed!
Astrid: Calm down, Snotlout, you lived. Yay us.
Snotlout: No thanks to Itch-legs over here.
Fishlegs: It's so weird. I mean, I never... oh... ever... Ah-choo! [groans] ...get sick. [scratching] Ohh.
Hiccup: Oh, gods.
Tuffnut: Dig deeper, see if you can draw blood.
Hiccup: Well, something's clearly not right with you.
Fishlegs: [grunts] I don't see what the big deal is, okay? Everybody sneezes and scratches sometimes.
Tuffnut: Not like a honey-covered yak on an anthill. What? You've never seen a honey-covered yak on an anthill? Well, those things scratch. It's terrifying. The horrors haunt my dreams.
Fishlegs: I really don't feel sick, okay? I promise I'm fine.
Hiccup: Ugh. Well, maybe you're just allergic to something.
Fishlegs: Uh, that's impossible. Allergies don't run in the Ingerman family. I'm clean, serene and...
Ruffnut: And an itchin' machine!
Tuffnut: Might I interject? We, at the Thorston house, have a very simple allergen detection system. It has never failed.
Ruffnut: That's a system?
Tuffnut: It is now. Thousand-year-old egg. Slam this down your gullet.
Fishlegs: Hmm. Oh, it could use a little sea salt.
Ruffnut: What about this?
Ruffnut: Yak hair. Takes itchy to a whole new level.
Fishlegs: Not really. Feels kind of like my old Aunt Gerta. You know she used to...
Hiccup: No, I'd like to be able to sleep tonight.
Tuffnut: Spoiled, coagulated goat milk with just a pinch of hoof jam. I find it changes the whole experience.
Fishlegs: Hmm. Oh, that is... cheesy and delicious!
Fishlegs: I'm telling you, I've never been allergic to anything. Ah-choo!
Fishlegs: What? What is it?
Hiccup: Fishlegs? I think you might be allergic to... Meatlug.
Astrid: Why, all of a sudden, would he be allergic to Meatlug?
Tuffnut: Perhaps it's just a simple case of adult-onset allergies.
Ruffnut: Ah, I concur with your diagnosis, Dr. Nut.
Tuffnut: I concur with your concur-ation.
Ruffnut: Adult-onset allergies develop in your elder years when your immune system mistakenly identifies a dangerous substance.
Fishlegs: Don't be silly. There's no way I'm... [snorts] ...allergic to Meat...
[Fishlegs sneezing hysterically]
Ruffnut: Oh, yeah, diagnosis confirmed.
Hiccup: Fishlegs, there's only one person that might actually be able to help.
Snotlout: [chuckles] Ohh, I gotta see this.
Fishlegs: What's she saying?
Fishlegs: What? What?!
Gobber: She wants to paralyze you.
Gobber: Aah! Check that. Hypnotize. Sorry, she wants to hypnotize you.
Snotlout: Uhh, come on.
Fishlegs: [chuckles] Unfortunately, guys, this is never gonna work on me because I'm way too... Okay. [snoring]
Snotlout: Unconscious? Ha! Quick, put his hands in warm water.
Hiccup: We're not going to do that.
Gobber: Okay, now that he's under, she wants us to tell him that he's not allergic to Meatlug.
Snotlout: Does that really work?
Hiccup: I guess we'll find out.
Hiccup: Here goes. Fishlegs, you are not allergic to Meatlug. [echoing] You are not allergic to Meatlug.
Snotlout: So, that's it?
Hiccup: Hypnosis is very powerful. Okay, let's bring him out of it.
Snotlout: Now, now, now, hang on a second. We've got an opportunity here. We can rebuild Fish-face. We can turn him into a worshiped Viking, a fearless godlike hero... [grunting] ...as strong as three yaks! A Viking who commands attention! In other words, a Viking worthy of my friendship.
Hiccup: Uh, yeah, sorry, Snotlout, we're not doing any of that. You can bring him out of it now.
Fishlegs [Thor]: [haughty accent] Fishlegs? There's no Fishlegs here. Who is this pudgy little reptile?
Gobber: Well, that was a bit harsh.
Hiccup: Fishlegs, are you all right?
Fishlegs [Thor]: Are you deaf, skinny, one-legged boy? The name's Bonecrusher. Aah! Thor Bonecrusher.
Hiccup: Snotlout, do you realize what you've done? You fool, you've created...
Snotlout: My very own super-Viking... Thor Flipping Bonecrusher! I love it!
Fishlegs [Thor]: Oh, hello.
Astrid: And Gothi can't just turn him back?
Hiccup: Not without her staff, which Thor Bonecrusher crushed and threw off the cliff.
Woman: Is that Fishlegs?
Snotlout: So, TB, you're not afraid of anything, huh? Aha!
Fishlegs [Thor]: Mmm!
Fishlegs [Thor]: Ha! Child's play.
Snotlout: How about fire?
Fishlegs [Thor]: I scoff at fire!
Woman: Fire! My house is on fire! Someone threw a torch on my house!
Fishlegs [Thor]: Perfect, a call to action!
Fishlegs [Thor]: Please hold your applause until the end of the rescue. You may commence.
Fishlegs [Thor]: Fishlegs? Why does everybody keep calling me Fishlegs?
Woman: But you're Fishlegs... Fishlegs.
Fishlegs [Thor]: Nonsense, crone!
Fishlegs [Thor]: Uhh! People of Berk... It is with great pleasure that I announce the arrival of me, Thor Bonecrusher. The most universally feared and loved Viking in all the land is here to enchant you with my presence.
Viking: Oh! Look out, the cart!
Woman: Ah! The baby!
Viking: Huh? Yeah! Apple-boot!
Fishlegs [Thor]: All in a day's work.
Snotlout: Did you see that?! That was incredible! He ran, and then did a flip and then a toss and then a thing, and then flipped into the other thing. Ohh! He's amazing.
Astrid: Is it me, or did Snotlout just fall in love with Fishlegs?
Snotlout: Bonecrusher! Bonecrusher! Bonecrusher!
All chanting: Bonecrusher! Bonecrusher!
Fishlegs [Thor]: Shh, everyone! Thor hears the sound of a baby yak in trouble.
Fishlegs [Thor]: Hyah!
Fishlegs [Thor]: Sleep well, little yak. Sleep well.
Viking: What's next, Thor?
Viking: Show us more amazing feats of bravery! [laughs]
Fishlegs [Thor]: [chuckles] I shall, citizen, I shall. But first, I must claim a weapon befitting a god!
Snotlout: [laughs] Thor, you have got to teach me that Viking yak pinch. Aah! Ow!
Fishlegs [Thor]: All in the wrist, Snot-man.
Gobber: ♪ Well, I got my axe and I got my mace... ♪
Fishlegs [Thor]: You, simple blacksmith!
Gobber: "Simple blacksmith?"
Snotlout: Uh, how about this one?
Fishlegs [Thor]: Oh, that's perfect... for removing splinters.
Snotlout: [laughs] What about this one? You can use it to annihilate your enemies.
Fishlegs [Thor]: That's a nice handle, I suppose... if I had wee lady hands. [laughs]
Gobber: Huh. I made that handle with my best leather.
Fishlegs [Thor]: Ahh! Hmm.
Fishlegs [Thor]: Now, this. This is an axe for a Viking.
Gobber: That's Stoick's axe.
Fishlegs [Thor]: Correction: This was Stoick's axe.
Hiccup: Uh, okay, uh, Fishlegs? [stammering] I-I mean, Bonecrusher. Stoick isn't exactly the kind of chief who likes to share his things, especially his axe.
Fishlegs [Thor]: Neither do I. If this Stoick fellow wants it, he can always try and take it back from me.
Snotlout: Oh, man! He just totally called out Stoick! How much do we love this guy?
Hiccup: Okay, this is getting out of hand. We need to get Thor Bonecrusher back to Gothi before we lose Fishlegs forever.
Gobber: I totally agree. Just one question. Where'd he go?
Fishlegs [Thor]: So there I was, Thor Bonecrusher, perched on an inferior dragon as we approached the vicious Scauldron, faster than Odin on his eight-legged horse.
Snotlout: You could have Hookfang next time. He's a Monstrous Nightmare, scariest dragon of all.
Fishlegs [Thor]: Monstrous Nightmare? Sounds like my post-mutton trip to the outhouse.
[laughing] Post-mutton trip!
Viking: We've all been there, ain't we?!
Snotlout: [laughs nervously] Good one.
Gobber: Poor Meatlug. Wouldn't even wear her saddle. Look at her. So lonely. We've got to do something with her.
Hiccup: I'll take care of Meatlug.
Fishlegs [Thor]: My chances of survival were slim. I only had one option.
Viking: Ah, ooh, oh, oh! Fly away?
Fishlegs [Thor]: I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that.
Fishlegs [Thor]: No, I had something very special in store for that Scauldron.
Fishlegs [Thor]: Engage the beast, dragon! Aah! Aah!
Fishlegs [Thor]: He narrowly escaped. However, next time, victory shall be mine!
Snotlout: Put me in your next story! Just as the background. But please?
Stoick: Fishlegs! Is that my axe?!
[stammers] O-oh, he's got his axe.
Hiccup: Uh, Dad, that's not Fishlegs Fishlegs.
Stoick: Don't be daft. I'm looking right at him, holding my axe, by the way.
Fishlegs [Thor]: Ah, you must be Stoick the Vast... ly overrated.
Stoick: What did you call me? What did he call me?!
Hiccup: That's what I'm trying to tell you. He's not himself.
Stoick: Give me back my axe!
Fishlegs [Thor]: Don't you mean my axe?
Gobber: He was just polishing it for you, Chief.
Hiccup: Let me handle this. I will get your axe back to you, I promise.
Stoick: Fine, but make it quick, or I'll take it from him myself.
Gobber: Chief, let's get out of here. How about a nice piece of mutton?
Fishlegs: I hope this won't take long, sorceress. I like to nap after a feast of wild boar and mead.
Hiccup: Thanks, Gothi, we really need Fishlegs back.
Astrid: Ugh! What was in that potion?
Gobber: "It wasn't a potion. Just spiced yak bladder." She says that'll teach him to break her staff.
Fishlegs [Thor]: Not the most delicate delicacy.
Astrid: What about getting Fishlegs back?
Gobber: She can't re-hypnotize him without her staff.
Astrid: Great. Now what?
Gobber: Fear. Only a true feeling of terror will shock Fishlegs back to normal.
Astrid: But Mr. Thor Bonecrusher over here isn't afraid of anything.
Fishlegs [Thor]: Truer words were never spoken, my fair Viking lady.
Fishlegs [Thor]: Now, where is that snotty fellow? We have business to discuss.
Gobber: Hiccup, you may want to swing by the old homestead. Your father is in a bit of a... state.
Stoick: Get this dragon off me!
Hiccup: Dad, she's just lonely.
Stoick: If she doesn't get off me, we'll be having Gronckle for breakfast.
Hiccup: We need to get Fishlegs back before this gets any worse.
Hiccup: Let me guess. It's Thor.
Astrid: Yeah, and Snotlout. And you're not gonna believe where they're headed.
Fishlegs [Thor]: Ohh! Can't this overgrown lizard fly any faster?
Snotlout: [laughs] Come on, Hookfang, you're embarrassing me.
Fishlegs [Thor]: Onward, Snot-man. We must find a dragon worthy of my command. My destiny awaits!
[Snotlout laughs nervously]
Man: Bonecrusher is going after the Scauldron! Bonecrusher is going after the Scauldron!
Viking: Oh, he's going to tame the Scauldron!
Hiccup: He's gonna get killed by the Scauldron. They have to be down there somewhere. What was Snotlout thinking?
Astrid: He wasn't. He's in love. [baby talk] He'd do anything for his big hunk of bone-crushing love.
Hiccup: Well, we better find them before they find the Scauldron.
Fishlegs [Thor]: Just think, Snotlout, at any moment, the giant beast will emerge from the water and I will tame him. Or he'll kill you.
Snotlout: Ha! You're funny, TB. [laughs] Listen, let me throw something out there. What if we... I don't know... head back, call it a day, relax at the Great Hall, tell some more really cool stories. You know, I've heard that a Scauldron's hot water blast can rip the scales off of a Screaming Death.
Fishlegs [Thor]: What gutless fool told you that?
Fishlegs [Thor]: Nonsense. Thor Bonecrusher cannot return to Berk dragon-less. Negative, Snot-man. I am not leaving these waters without my prize.
Fishlegs [Thor]: Aha! Time to engage my quarry. Dive, dragon, dive!
Snotlout: Aah! My super-Viking's gone rogue!
Fishlegs [Thor]: Fire!
Snotlout: Okay, that ought to do it, right, TB?
Fishlegs [Thor]: Uhh! Dance, big boy.
Hiccup: There they are! Come on!
Fishlegs [Thor]: Uhh! Easy, now, big fella. Ohh!
Snotlout: Aah! Help... me!
Astrid: Snotlout's in the water!
Hiccup: You guys grab him. I'll go after Fishlegs.
Astrid: Okay. Stormfly, let's go.
Fishlegs [Thor]: [laughs] Ah! This is what I live for!
Astrid: Keep looking, he must be here somewhere.
Tuffnut: So, how hard do you think we really need to look? I'm thinking some passing glances might do the trick.
Ruffnut: Well, the sooner we rescue Snotlout, the sooner we can watch Fishlegs get eaten by the Scauldron.
Tuffnut: Well, if you put it that way, let's go!
Fishlegs [Thor]: It would be so much easier if you'd just submit to your new master.
Fishlegs [Thor]: Got you where I want you.
Snotlout: Hookfang! Oh, can this possibly get any worse?
Snotlout: Worse! Way worse! Aah! Whoa! Hey. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. I will never try to give you away ever again!
Hiccup: What the...
Fishlegs [Thor]: Whoa!
Hiccup: Toothless, watch out! Come on, jump over!
Fishlegs [Thor]: Retreat? In my moment of glory? Never! Whoa!
Hiccup: Yes, Meatlug! No, Meatlug!
Fishlegs [Thor]: Stop, dragon. I, Thor Bonecrusher, command you to stop. Raaah!
Fishlegs [Thor]: No!
Fishlegs: No! Not my Meatlug! You leave my dragon alone! No!
Hiccup: That was a little too close.
Tuffnut: Speak for yourself. That was freakin' awesome!
Fishlegs: Oh, I'm so sorry, girl. I don't know what happened to me. I just... I wasn't myself.
Fishlegs: Oh, I missed you! Oh! How did I...
Hiccup: Long story. I'll explain later.
Tuffnut: ♪ Hooligan tribe Won't you come out tonight?
♪ Come out tonight Come out tonight... ♪
Stoick: So, what happened to the Scauldron?
Hiccup: He's been relocated.
Stoick: And my axe?
Hiccup: Uh... Also relocated.
Viking: But what of Thor Bonecrusher?
Viking 2: Yeah, Bonecrusher!
Viking: I miss him!
Fishlegs: Whoo! Hello.
Astrid: You know, Fishlegs, you didn't sneeze once the whole ride home.
Fishlegs: Yeah. And my legs don't itch anymore.
Hiccup: And Meatlug isn't wearing her saddle. Maybe you were never allergic to her, you were allergic to the saddle!
Fishlegs: But why, all of a sudden, would I become allergic to her saddle?
Gobber: Well, uh, I've been using a different kind of wax on the saddles. Look at that.
Tuffnut: Oh, great.
Gobber: What? I never run out of the stuff. It's coming out of my ears.
Fishlegs: Well... ah-choo! I'm allergic to Gobber's earwax?
Gobber: Ohh. Ha!
Fishlegs: I am both relieved and disgusted. What? What is it?
Snotlout: I'm just thinking of what might have been. You broke my heart, Thor. You broke it right in two.
Fishlegs: Okay, that was creepy, right?
Hiccup: You don't know the half of it.
Snotlout: [sobbing] Oh, I miss you, Thor.
When Darkness Falls (transcript)
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Gone Gustav Gone (transcript)