Board Thread:Fun and Games/@comment-34320391-20180617024644/@comment-35702393-20180624225649

Okay okay okay. First of all, amazing story dadwagon! 😂😊😍😍 It was a really good improvement on the relationship of both Riley and Cora.

Another thing, RILEY. Skylander Yeah, most of this message is for you. I honestly don’t want to make you parts non canon because you’re parts are actually really good (especially that last one because you talked about your character’s insecurities which is nice), but everything’s was jus5 GOING TOO FAST... but hey lemme tell you what.

Let me help you. These are just tips of POSSIBLE scenes that could be added to your part (or removed). So that we won’t have to make your part non canon. And a few tips to improve your writing as well.

'ONE. Lessen the talking or maybe even the movements of the characters. Don’t move everything too fast because no matter how amazing you’re scene is, if you’re not going to describe what your character is feeling (or what eevryone else is feeling) it will still be boring. '

''I’m sure AWESOME had said this before. Don’t move everything too fast. Start by describing what your character feels at that moment. Why was rile6 so angry at Majapi? Why did he want to punch him? You need to describe what Riley feels. Example, “When Majapi started that we should all hang out with our parents more, my blood instantly boiled. What does he know about my parents?”. Like that. Take Cora’s part for example. She described her character (Cora) as “angry” and “confused”. Try describing your character more and I’m pretty sure your scenes of just simple fighting will be even better 😊''

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'TWO. Don’t make a fight scene😂😂. I know how much fight scenes in books are so thrilling and amazing to read, but right now, NO FIGHT SCENES toward Majapi please 😊 '

''I know it’s in Riley’s character to get angry or cause a fight but it can’t always be Majapi. Again, DESCRIBE, Skylander. That’s what you need to learn to do. You need to DESCRIBE more. And I feel ever you want to write a fight scene again somewhere, describe the fight scene as well. Say what the enemy’s movements was, what Riley dude to defend himself. You can’t just say “We beat all six of the guys up” because that just ruins the fun and excitement of the story you write, for example, “Majapi lunged at me, picking up speed, and all I could do was block his attacks”, get it? 😂''

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'THREE. Always make things logical. You can’t just spring up nonsense here and there’s just so your character can shine on the spotlight. Everything must be logical to both your character and our characters.'

''What I’m trying to say is, Was it really necessary for a fight? You know, Riley could’ve just walked away from Mess Hall and not cause drama coz that’s the logical thing to do. And also, why Majapi? 😂 I know Majapi is an antagonist I need the making, but it isn’t Majapi’s attitude to just scream out of nowhere, “Y’all should just hang out without your parents more!”. That’s was just.... 😂😂. A normal person wouldn’t just start listening to everyone else’s Conversation, especially Majapi. Majapi would be smart enough to not give two shits about us, and yelling out of nowhere isn’t the type of bully he is.''

That’s most of the things I want to say. I like that you added moonlight (because we really need more of Riley X Moonlight scenes in here) but for fighting? Yeah... idk man.

'''Note! This is just MY personal opinion. I’m not saying you should do this or anyth8ng, it’s still your choice Skylander. I just want to help you out 😂😊👍🏼'''

Hope this was helpful!